


Be The Light

by sophia7



Category: Block B
Genre: Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Some Humor but more Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-13
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-04 05:33:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 58,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4127034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophia7/pseuds/sophia7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Woo Jiho was never the type to give up. Though, the more he clings to an unrequited love the more people around him suffer. Jaehyo and Kyung come up with a scheme to save their leader, and of course their group.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Denial

_Tsk, tsk, tsk._ So he wasn’t the only one. Ahn Jaehyo may be a pretty boy, but his instincts were seldom wrong. It’s easy to mistake him for being self-absorbed; to be fair, he could be, but not for things that matter. If there was anybody who was dense, it was actually Woo Jiho, who spends more time talking than looking, which is why he often misses what wasn’t laid out directly in front of him.

 

Park Kyung is a puzzle, Yukwon is most decidedly straight, and Pyo Jihoon and Lee Taeil were at the most suspicious, but Woo Jiho was too much into Yukwon that it made Jaehyo sick, especially when he drowns into depression when the smiling angel gets a call from his smiling angel girlfriend and he smiles and smiles into his phone as Jiho sinks and sinks into darkness.

 

Zico is an aggressive loser. That, or he hates admitting defeat. He clings more to Yukwon the more deeply his relationship with Sunhye gets. More hugs, more kisses, more touching. He could only do that on the stage, though, as a form of revenge or a way to deal with his bitterness. But Yukwon was giving him more and more reasons to be jealous. Because of that, Zico is progressively getting worse, and all his sexual frustrations are taken out on Jaehyo. The teasing, kissing and hugging increased more than ever, to the point that it happens a lot off cam now— a lot, lot more.

 

Jaehyo hoped that it would help Zico calm down, so he took all of the harassment with minimum complaint, but when Zico started crossing the line he felt that he had to speak up.

 

Leader-nim was busy in his studio when Jaehyo dropped by unannounced. He had his headphones propped over his ears and he was listening to a beat, banging his head and counting the rhythm with his fingers in the air. He caught Jaehyo’s reflection on the glass, though, and immediately turned to face him. Jaehyo waved his hand, motioning him to continue, but the younger boy removed his headphones and gave him a questioning look.

 

“Hyung, you need something?”

 

“Go on, I can wait.”

 

“It’s okay, I need a distraction.”

 

“You sure?” Jaehyo raised an eyebrow, settling on the sofa. “This will take a while.”

 

Zico’s expression suddenly turned grim. “Did something happen? You sound serious.”

 

“This is serious” he replied, attempting to frown to make his point. There is little he could do to look intimidating, but he managed to look grave enough for Zico’s forehead to crease.

 

“All the more I have to hear it now. What is this about?”

 

Jaehyo had imagined this conversation in his head more times than he could count. But he had to tread carefully, because even though Zico is usually cool and he is more senior, such an accusation could set him off. “We’ve known each other for a long time, right?” The blonde-head only stared at him. “And you know that I would never do anything that could hurt our relationship, or Block B for that matter. We’ve been through a lot, so I wouldn’t speak up if I didn’t think this has gotten out of hand.”

 

“Hyung, just get straight to the point, you’re making me nervous.”

 

“Well… I just don’t want you to take this the wrong way…” Jaehyo looked at him tentatively, waiting for some sort of permission. The possibility of him being mistaken gnawed at Jaehyo’s conscience.

 

“Did I do something wrong? If so, you can tell me.” Zico’s face was contorted with worry. They’ve been through so much scandal that he gets agitated over small things. And by Jaehyo’s tone of voice and the look on his face, this is not a small matter.

 

“Not exactly but… I need you to be honest with me in this one. You know I respect you, and I will never hurt you…” Jaehyo never got to finish the sentence, as Zico interrupted.

 

“I know, hyung, if it’s something I could fix I need you to tell me.”

 

“Alright.” Jaehyo looked at him dead in the eye. “Your ideal type… the innocent face and gorgeous body… the multiple ear piercings... were you referring to a girl or to a boy?”

 

It took a moment before Zico could respond. His face was passive at first, but when his brain caught up with the implications of the question, he slowly turned red in a flurry of shock, embarrassment and anger. The emotions start to impede his brain processing, and all he could say was, “What?”

 

“All these years, were you referring to Yukwon?” Jaehyo was in too deep to back down. He just clenched his fists and tried not to melt under Zico’s gaze.

 

“Ahn Jaehyo—”

 

“Yes or no, Jiho. If it’s a no, you can punish me however you want. But if it’s a yes, please tell me so that I can help you.”

 

Jiho stared at him in anger some more, before he eventually sighed and looked away, his eyes shifting to the tiled floors. “How exactly can you help?” Then he looked at him again. “There is no help, hyung.”

 

Jaehyo steeled himself against the resigned despair on his dongsaeng’s face. He was wrong about one thing… Jiho _had_ given up. He was aware of the futility of his feelings, but with Yukwon around he just couldn’t help but be drawn towards him. It was the perfect definition of a love beyond one’s reach, where you claw in the air trying to reach for something tangible but when you grab hold of it, it crumbles under your fingers.

 

“I’m sorry, Jiho…” the older man’s voice was soft. He didn’t know what to do now, because he prepared himself for Jiho’s anger, not his grief.

 

Jiho forced a smile, if only to reassure his hyung he won’t throw himself in the Han River over it.  “How’d you find out?”

 

“How can I not? Didn’t you say yourself that you take out your frustrations on me? Well the timing of all your harassments just happen to coincide with Yukwon going out to meet Sunhye-noona... or him giggling over the phone... or him talking about her in the dorms or in shows. I’m not dense, Woo Jiho.”

 

“So… you’re not disgusted?” Jiho trailed off, unsure of how to ask.

 

“Of love? Am I not the romantic here?”

 

Jiho’s little smile was more sincere this time. “I’m just worried… that this might…. I mean, we can’t take another scandal.”

 

“Jiho… this stays between us. I admit that I was quite... troubled... at first. But you’re one of the few people I respect, and my respect for you precedes everything” Jaehyo assured him. Jiho opened his mouth to respond, but he closed it again and nodded silently. “My concern is that… you may be hurting yourself. What you feel for Kwonnie… I’m sorry to say this, is a lost cause.”

 

“I know, I know.” Jiho was silent for a moment, looking everywhere but at Jaehyo. “I’m sorry if I took it out on you” he finally said, chewing on his bottom lip. “I wasn’t thinking straight.” Then he grinned at his own unintended pun, but the happiness faded just as fast as it came. “I’m always the one fucking us up, I’m sorry.”

 

“Ya, Woo Jiho!” Jaehyo exclaimed a little more cheerfully. “You can’t be like this, it’s scary! Have more trust in yourself, seriously. Be thankful that hyung knows a lot of what's going on about everything.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean… that you should be glad I’m more observant than Kyung.”

 

Jiho raised an eyebrow. “I still don’t get it.”

 

“You will get it soon enough” Jaehyo stood up with a grin on his face, and walked out of the studio with a perplexed Jiho forgetting his sadness in the midst of his confusion. Ahn Jaehyo has moments of genius, but he also has moments of madness, and oftentimes it’s hard to tell what side he is on.

 

Zico shook his head and went back to his half-written lyrics.


	2. Pressure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The progression of the story is very slow... I don't know, I'm a sucker for slow developments :D

When Jaehyo asked the inevitable question, Park Kyung just sipped on his coke and stared at the wall behind the taller man’s head.

 

It had been a cat-and-mouse game before that, when Jaehyo dared to ask Kyung if Jiho had “... more interest in women than men...”. Kyung’s eyes had widened but he recovered quickly and laughed it off with a “... hyung, seriously, what made you think that?”. Kyung’s evasiveness really was no joke, and Jaehyo was about to give up until exhaustion made him ask the question directly. To which Kyung had responded to with silence. A long one.

 

If he was to pull off his plans, he knew he needed the cucumber’s help. He had the imagination of a person high in LSD, and crazy enough to act them out. But first, he needed to convince him he wasn’t an enemy.

 

“Kyung...”

 

“I’m sorry. I’m not answering that.”

 

“I may not seem trustworthy but—”

 

“It’s not about that, hyung” the usually chirpy Park Kyung cut him off with a solemn look on his face.

 

“I really didn’t want to pressure you, but you once said that you would do anything to ease Jiho’s load.”

 

Kyung sighed and rolled his eyes. He had never admitted anything, but, much to Jaehyo’s chagrin, he hasn’t disputed anything, either. “If he really is in love with Yukwon, there’s nothing anyone can do.”

 

“He’s wasting his time on him. You know that. He’s getting worse. There are only two things he does now: work or harass me. I’m getting concerned.”

 

The once vibrant face of Korea’s beloved cucumber had turned into an unreadable brick wall. But, Jaehyo noted, he has never made an attempt to leave. He didn’t want to divulge Jiho’s secret with his own mouth, but he’s also concerned of him. “Alright. Let’s say that Jiho does like Yukwon. Hypothetically. And let’s say he’s in pain because of it. Hypothetically. What do you suggest to do?”

 

Jaehyo smiled a little. “Re-direct his attention.”

 

To his credit, it only took a few seconds for Kyung to realize what Jaehyo meant. “I don’t think finding him a boyfriend would ease his load. It’s hard enough to date with a woman. Dating a man... do you know what that could do to his career? Somebody finds out he’ll be destroyed.”

 

“This one wouldn’t blab.”

 

Kyung raised an orange eyebrow at him. “This one? You already have someone in mind? Who? Is it Namjoon? Oh that bastard, I knew it. The way he hovers around Jiho. Or... Mino? Sure, they can be suspicious but I would have noticed it if there was something... Oh. My. God!” he exclaimed and suddenly leaped up from his seat. “Is it Cho PD? No wonder he likes Jiho better—”

 

“Shut up, Kyung.”

 

Kyung’s smile faded and he silently slinked back on his seat.

 

“Let’s say I do. Hypothetically” he responded to keep Kyung’s interest. “But much like you want to protect Jiho, I also want to protect him.”

 

Kyung frowned. “You’re not doing this without me. In fact, it will be impossible for you to do so. Jiho will not be happy with you prying into his love life. If you want to redirect his attention, as you say, you have to be subtle. This is a heist, and you can’t pull it off without me.”

 

Jaehyo almost smirked, but stopped himself at the last minute, should Kyung be suspicious. Oh, with all the pranks Kyung has done in his life he was still an amateur. “Fine. Tell me with your own mouth if I was right about Yukwon and I will tell you who it is.”

 

“Okay. Yes, you’re right.”

 

“About what?”

 

Kyung rolled his eyes. “Ay, you’re nitpicking! Yes, the innocent face, good body, thighs, piercings, work concentration...” he began counting off with his fingers. “... they all refer to Yukwon. Happy?”

 

“This is nothing to be happy about, but yeah.”

 

“So who’s our mystery guy?”

 

Jaehyo sipped at his tea first to clear his throat. “Minyuk-hyung.”

 

At first, Kyung looked at him in disbelief, mouth open and eyes wide. Then his expression shifted into amusement, and he laughed. “This is what you have? I can’t believe I trusted you! Aish, that’s a bad joke, hyung. If you are referring to how touchy he is, then you might as well suspect the whole group of being gay. Statistically speaking, that’s impossible.”

 

Jaehyo scratched his head. “Why does nobody ever believe me? I tell you, that guy also has the hots for Yukwon. Don’t you notice how much he stares at him? Man I only look at somebody like that when I’m in love. If you don’t believe me then see for yourself.”

 

With the look on Kyung’s face, he still clearly can’t take his hyung’s observations seriously. In another time he might have punched Ahn Jaehyo and his nutcase brain into reality, but Jiho was his friend, and his friend was in the middle of a long bout of Yukwon withdrawal. “Okay, suppose you’re right. But those two are like oil and water. Jiho is too tiring for Minhyuk-hyung, and Minhyuk-hyung is too bland for Jiho. Yukwon is his ideal type, and Minhyuk shares nothing with him except dancing. How can they fall in love?”

 

“Well it can’t start out as love, but...”

 

Kyung stood up again, waving his outstretched hands at Jaehyo with a disgusted look on his face. “Oh no no no. No we’re not doing that. Not in the studio. My God, no. No way. Now way in hell. Just thinking about what they would do... Jaehyo-hyung, you’re a pervert!”

 

“No I’m not! You already have images in your head, _you’re_ the pervert!”

 

Kyung was silent for a moment, perhaps reflecting on the truth of Jaehyo’s last statement. “Whatever. But I’m the primary on this one.”

 

“What do you mean primary? I’m the one who noticed first!”

 

“Yes, but you’re not creative enough.”

 

And unsurprisingly, as every conversation he had with Kyung is, the topic was forgotten for another hour. 


	3. Digging your own grave

“You need to get out of the dorm, Lee Minhyuk” came a whine from the doorway. 

“And go where?” he moaned back, lifting the blanket up to his face and turning his body away from the voice. That’s the fourth time he had been told that in the last week. It's like he never left the dorm, with the way Jiho demanded a key to his apartment. He had no choice but to do so when he challenged Jiho to give him a key to his room, because "... it's unfair! Just because you're the leader doesn't mean you can have your way. If you want a key to my apartment, then give me a key to yours." Minhyuk was so sure Jiho would never do it, but he'd been careless. Now, everybody has access to him 24/7, and Jiho had been sending his foot soldiers to try to force him out of bed. This time, they had sent the oldest member to chastise him, not that Taeil actually cares where he spends his days off. Jaehyo had told him he would "... get fat if you stay like that. How are you supposed to dance if your clothes would be too tight?" and Kyung, "... hyung, what you lack in performing you make up for in looks. Now you would have nothing left" which earned him a smack in the face from one of Minhyuk's unfinished cup ramen, and Jihoon "... hyung, do you want to go to the amusement park?" which was sweet but also self-serving.

“We don’t care" came the small voice from the side of his bed. "You’ve been in that damned bed for the past few days. Go to the mall and pick up girls or something.”

“And then what? Get dumped again?”

Minhyuk had sunk into depression over that two years ago. Even as an idol, he had dated freely. Though unlike Jaehyo he didn’t have the power to jump from one girl to the next should she turn her nose up against him. It actually takes effort for the great B-bomb to score, and because of that he had this habit of becoming too invested and too attached. Which of course would be great if he wasn’t Block B’s B-bomb, but he was an idol who had too little time and too little sleep, and the combination of all that with high pressure to compete could make a person less pleasing to be around. He had become more cynical towards people than he ever intended to be. 

“That’s just one girl, Hyukkie. Look at Yukwon who’s almost never at the dorm and re-evaluate your future.” 

Minhyuk groaned and rolled over to the side facing the wall. That’s exactly what he’s been doing, and that’s exactly what has put him in depression. Looking at Yukwon now was painful, but he did little else, and all that pain amassed little by little until he was now so overwhelmingly incapacitated with the toxic which is Kwonhye. 

Ugh, Taeil wasn’t any help. It was a miracle how Yukwon was able to keep a relationship for that long, and it made Minhyuk lament over his own actions, as he replayed every scene of the painful memories he had with his former love. Should’ve done this, should’ve done that, was all he could think of looking at how Yukwon treated his girlfriend. That’s how he spent his free time now, getting dating tips from the smiling angel (without his permission) and mentally noting everything he could hear them talk about. Problem was... everything made him cringe.

Observing Yukwon made him realize he wasn’t boyfriend material. He had baked his ex a cake on their one hundredth anniversary, and had given her a necklace once, took her to the amusement park, the zoo, even. But compared to Yukwon he was, basically, an amateur. Looking at his small notebook, Minhyuk snorted at the undecipherable handwriting and buried his face further into the pillow. There’s nothing listed there that he could ever fathom to do.

Well, except for the announcing ‘I have a girlfriend’ part.

Perhaps he should have done that. 

Or maybe he should’ve smiled more often. Not that she had ever complained about that.

Or perhaps... he should have been warmer and more compliant. He practiced doing aegyo in the mirror, but he ended up beating his head against the tiled bathroom walls. He just can’t be sweet with ease like his fellow dancer; he comes across being desperate. If he had to change too much just so he could keep a girl, then fuck dating.

Then without noticing it, staring at Yukwon and watching his every move become a habit. It got to the point where it was unconsciously done. 

When they were filming ‘Be the Light’ and Yukwon laughed at something Zico said, the sun streaming from behind his blond head, the open parking lot burning with heat, Minhyuk knew he was fucked. His heart raced, and he knew he had once again dug his own grave.

So... in the end, the only person who could convince Minhyuk to get out of bed was Yukwon's "hyung, there's this new choreography I wanted to show you. I think it's too sexy, but I really think you could pull it off."

Now that got Minhyuk's attention. But he could've just stood there without saying a word and he would've gotten Minhyuk's attention. 

Minhyuk for the life of him kept staring at his dance partner trying to figure out what made him so charming. Everybody thinks he looked like an angel, and assumed him to be so, but the little angel was actually just a spitfire with a charming smile. He had never been in a fight with anybody because he had a way of getting what he wanted without outright aggression. 

When Yukwon dances, he turns into a beast. Perhaps it was because of the duality of his nature, Minhyuk was thinking, looking at him through the mirrors in the dance room. He just sat there staring while Yukwon tried to come up with choreography.

Or perhaps, it’s because he had been studying him for months now. He didn’t notice when he shifted his focus on Yukwon’s dating life to his lips, or the way he tilts his head when Minhyuk does something wrong and he didn’t want to tell him directly, or perhaps it was only because the last time Minhyuk had kissed a girl was years ago, which is why his pants are on fire and he was having a hard time extinguishing the flames that had grown out of control. For years he had nothing but Yukwon, after all, even if he did belong to somebody else. 

Dear God. A second heartbreak would kill him.

But he sees it coming.

Which is why he spends most of the day lounging about, because he has little energy left from mending his breaking heart. It may make him sound weak, but he had been too invested on Yukwon. He didn’t want to repeat what had happened two years ago, so he was trying to prepare himself. An impending marriage arrangement would destroy him, and then there’s no more coming back. That’s how sensitive he is. He hates it, but for some reason he feels more deeply than others.

Then his phone rang, and he had to tear his eyes away from Yukwon and his mind from overthinking. Normally he wouldn’t pick up calls from Kyung, but today he would welcome any distraction. “Yes?”

“Meet with me in an hour, hyung, and I will treat you to non-lactose food.”

“What?”

“Just come, okay? I’ll be waiting for you in front of your building.”

“I’m busy, and you’re too demanding.”

“Hyung... your dongsaeng is begging for a scrap of your attention. Why are you being stubborn?”

Minhyuk sighed. Kyung is overusing the aegyo bargain nowadays, knowing how well it works. “Alright, but you better prepare your wallet.” He flipped the phone off and stood up. “I’m leaving” he said to Yukwon, and delighted on how Yukwon stopped and stared at him in wonder.

“Why, hyung? We’re in the middle of conceptualizing.”

“I’m hungry” he answered shortly, and started packing up his things. One look at Yukwon’s pout and he’d instantly give in to anything, so better not look.

“Then let’s eat together, I’m hungry too.”

Minhyuk stopped, tempted. Only the thought of how much he cried last night stopped him. “Next time, Kwonnie.”

“Hyung—”

Minyuk bolted out of the door. He needed a shower to wash off the sweat. Also, it was the perfect place to cry.


	4. Out of the Fire

“Seriously... you’re treating me to McDonald’s. You’re crazy.”

“You did not complain when we entered, why are you complaining now?”

Minhyuk rolled his eyes. Because complaining will only make matters worse. “Fine, but order me two pieces of spicy chicken, and I want pineapple juice. If they don’t have any you go outside and get me one. And a double patty burger. That’s good, too.”

“Are you trying to kill yourself?” Kyung asked in disbelief.

“No, I’m trying to milk you for all it’s worth.”

Kyung stood up without taking his eyes off him, still with that disgusted look on his face. He did not break eye contact until he bumped into one of the crew, and Minhyuk laughed. Kyung covered his blonde hair with a beanie, and he was sweating. Thankfully Minhyuk’s hairstyle was natural black for this album, and he had no trouble looking ordinary. In a matching black hoodie and a baseball hat, he looked perfectly commonplace.

By the time Kyung came back with his order, Minhyuk had three theories on why Kyung suddenly wanted to eat dinner with him. First, to fix his crappy dancing, which has the lowest probability; second, to score on a woman close to Minhyuk, of which he has a handful of names, now that he and Yukwon were casted as main characters in Jumping Girl; and third, he wanted in on Bastarz, of which would not be beneath him to suggest. All three were plausible, but with Park Kyung you can never be too sure.

When Kyung kept silent and ate without looking at him, Minhyuk grew more troubled. Halfway through his chicken, he felt like if Kyung didn’t talk he would explode. “Okay, what did you call me here for?” he finally asked while chewing what remained in his mouth. “Get straight to the point or I’m leaving.”

Of all Block B members, Kyung surmised, Minhyuk was the hardest to deal with. He wasn’t exactly short-tempered, but you never know when he would get angry. In fact, nobody really knows what would tick him off. Sometimes he is too kind, and sometimes too harsh. It was like a guessing game with him, and that’s one thing Jiho finds unbearable. Kyung didn’t know how to respond to such a character, so he decided to be honest. “I have a problem with Jiho.”

The older man raised an eyebrow. “We all have problems with Jiho.”

“I mean... it’s... more complicated.” Kyung had practised this conversation in front of the mirror, pretending to take a long shower and making everyone suspicious. Jihoon tried to break in once, and Kyung humoured him by taking off all his clothes, to which the maknae reacted by running away screaming. He had practiced every expression, every movement of his head, every rise and fall of his voice... He looked everywhere but at Minhyuk, trying to sound and look embarrassed. “I wanted to tell Taeil-hyung, but... I don’t think he can handle this so... and there’s no one I could really... I mean, you look like the most dependable, at the moment.”

Such moments of vulnerability from Park Kyung were rare, and Minhyuk did not dare believe it. “I’m not in a joking mood, Kyung, so this better not be a prank” Minhyuk warned him with a dark expression on his face.

“Why else would I go to a place full of screaming children and lots of people?”

“If somebody sees us...”

“Why would Block B go to McDonald’s? Look around, nobody’s actually paying attention to us.”

“We all know you will use every excuse to come here. I thought you were watching your weight.” Minhyuk was eyeing him suspiciously.

“I’m not the one under scrutiny” was Kyung’s flustered reply. “Anyway, back to the topic...”

“Alright... let’s say I believe you. What is it about Jiho?”

Kyung pretended to look around, and leaned in closer to Minhyuk. “He’s...” Kyung gave him one last doubtful look, and pulled away. It’s a good tactic to draw interest. “I don’t know, this may be a mistake. I’m sorry, just finish up eating and forget about this. I’ll buy you an apple pie if you want.”

“Kyung! I swear to God I’ll kill you if you don’t tell me.”

Bingo. “Hyung, it’s just... I’m desperate, alright? If even you would... if you take this negatively, the group will be over. I want to just leave this be, but Jiho... I want Block B to last forever, but this is getting hard on Jiho, and I fear that he will leave because of this...”

Worry creased Minhyuk’s usually calm demeanor. “My. God. Okay, as the second eldest in this group, you have to tell me. You can trust me, alright? We all care about Jiho, and we’re all worried about him.” His hand instinctively reached for Kyung’s, and Kyung mentally noted to himself to beat up Jaehyo if it turned out Minhyuk is just way too touchy.

“Hyung... Jiho... is in love with Yukwon” he said in one breath, eyes closing. When Minhyuk did not respond, Kyung slowly opened his eyes.

Minhyuk was agape. His eyes were wide and his mouth was wide, and he looked frozen. 

“Hyung? Hyung?” Kyung kept repeating when Minhyuk remained in his solid state. He withdrew his hand from under Minhyuk’s and shook him by the shoulders.

Minhyuk blinked, looking as if he was just coming out of a spell. He cleared his throat. “Are you sure? Kyung, this is a serious allegation. Are you really, really sure?”

“Straight from Jiho’s mouth sure” Kyung replied as solemnly as he could, stopping himself from grinning. Everything was going according to his predictions, and he loved it. “It took a lot of prodding but he finally told me. And now... he’s almost losing it because Yukwon and Sunhye-noona are nowhere close to breaking up. It’s been years, hyung, and Jiho is becoming crazier every minute. He creates your sub-unit, negotiates for Jumping Girl himself, always tells Jihoon and I to make songs for our own solo, and arranging one for Jaehyo-hyung...

“Is he... is he really planning to...”

“I’ve seen it coming. Ever since Jiho said he couldn’t take any more, and began booking us up separately for shows, I’ve become worried. He’s actually planning to release a solo album. He’s doing things by himself and although the company has approved them... I just feel...” Kyung sighed. “Or am I being paranoid?” 

Minhyuk forgot his burger altogether, dropping it carelessly on the table, running his hands over his face and his hair and tapping his fingers together. Suddenly he lifted his head. “You know him the best, Kyung. I can’t think of any solution right now... I’ll try to...”

“If he liked girls it would have been easier.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean... it’s easier to help him forget because girls swarm around him like bees to honey, even though his nose is too big.” Kyung sighed in frustration.

“Then... find him a boyfriend?”

Kyung looked at him in fake disbelief, as if the idea has now just occurred to him. “Well, that could work but... where in the world will we find one? I mean, there are hundreds of male idols and statistically speaking... but I assure you none of them would come out. And... we also have to find one who is safe. If word leaks out...”

“... if word leaks out we’re done. Jiho is young, we can’t ruin his career.” Minhyuk was quiet for a while. “But perhaps, Kyung... perhaps it’s better this way? He’s dealing with it the best way he knows how. If he’s intent in leaving, at least he’s being honourable about it, making sure we have somewhere to go before he leaves. It’s not so bad, right?”

Kyung looked at him, appalled. This time he was not faking it. “How could you say that, hyung? If Jiho wanted to leave because he genuinely wants to go solo, I’d support him with all my heart. But that’s not the case. If we disband, he’d have nobody. I wouldn’t have a reason to meddle so much in his life, and I think leaving him in this heartbroken state... it’s not healthy.” Kyung took a moment to breath. “Jiho may not show it, but... If I didn’t think it’s serious I wouldn’t tell you. But hyung, you have to know that...” Kyung pressed his index finger and thumb over his eyes, not finishing his sentences. “I hope you don’t hate him because of this... I didn’t know whether to tell you or not but...”

“It’s not his fault he feels that way, Kyung” Minhyuk replied, his face serious, thoughtful. “That much I know.”

“Thank you, hyung.”

Minhyuk offered him a wry smile. “I can’t think of anything now but.. I’ll call you.”

~~

The call came in not twenty-four hours later, with Minhyuk’s groggy voice telling Kyung to come up his apartment. He didn’t even ask him if he was free.

“We’re on a roll” he informed Jaehyo over the phone, to which Jaehyo replied with a sharp warning, “Kyung, this is our only chance so don’t get too creative.” Too creative. With Jiho you have to be creative.

When Kyung made ghosts sounds over the intercom, an irritated B-bomb in his underwear with dishevelled hair and a mug of steaming coffee in his hand met him at the door.

“Oh my God, have you just woken up? Did you even brush your teeth? For the love of God, at least have the decency to cover your private parts before meeting with anyone.”

“My head hurts from overthinking, so shut it.”  
Despite his appearance, Minhyuk’s apartment was clean. He was never this clean when he used to live with them in the dorms. Granted, his and Jiho’s bed were always clutter-free, but Kyung had always attributed the cleanliness to their obsessive leader. 

It was then that Kyung realized Minhyuk existed like a shadow. A shadow to Jiho, a shadow to Yukwon, a shadow to Taeil. Kyung was surprised at how little he knew about his hyung. Minhyuk can be playful, strict, understanding, naive, cheerful, serious... but there’s never a character you can peg on his personality, a word that can describe him as a person. This was what worried Kyung, that Minhyuk, even if he’s older, would not be able to hold his own against Jiho.

“What’re you staring at? Come sit. You want coffee?”

“It’s three in the afternoon. Lazy bum.”

The sheets were white and freshly-laundered, and the pillows on the sofa propped up gently from one arm rest to the other. The floor was spotless. So to call Minhyuk a lazy bum may be unjust. “Hyung, why’d you want to see me?”

“What does Jiho like about Yukwon?”

The question caught Kyung off-guard. “Uhhmm... we never actually talked about him.”

Minhyuk arched an eyebrow, taking a sip of his coffee and leaning against the window sill. “Still. You know him better than any of us. If you were Jiho, what would you like in Yukwon?”

“Well... he keeps saying it in broadcasts doesn’t he?”

“Is he serious about those things? I always thought he was joking.”

“He’s serious. Except with the gender.”

Minhyuk groaned. “Well I can’t very well grow abs by next week, give me something useful. I could have my ears pierced but no fucking way.”

“Aren’t you cheerful?” Kyung was focusing too much on Minhyuk’s tone he didn’t pick up on the meaning of his words. 

“Well excuse me for having a moral dilemma all of yesterday until today. Unlike you, some people have high ethical standards.”

Kyung glared at him but let the insult slide. “Why were you having a moral dilemma?”

“Because I have a plan that would rock the foundations of my integrity, and I’m reluctant to do so. I do realize that there’s nothing I love more than Block B, even if you Park Kyung are annoying, Jiho is a slave driver, Taeil-hyung is a lazy ass, Jaehyo is fucking dense, and only Yukwon and Jihoon are worth loving.”

Kyung gave him an aegyo pout. “Don’t say that, hyung, you hurt my feelings.”

“I’ll do it” he said without warning, ignoring his dongsaeng’s upset face.

“You’ll do what?”

“Operation Zico”

This was what they (him and Jaehyo) had been planning all along, but now that Minhyuk has said the words himself, Kyung didn’t know how to react. “You’re volunteering as tribute?” he instead reacted with as much exaggeration of happiness and surprise he could muster at the moment.

Minhyuk scoffed at the reference. “Is dating Jiho really similar to a final destination? You make it sound so unappealing.”

Oops. “No, I mean— he’s a guy” was Kyung’s bait. 

The older man raised an eyebrow. “Yes, I’m aware.”

“So... does that mean...?” Kyung’s tone was tentative, his eyes widened and brows furrowed slightly, looking like a hungry cat asking nicely for its dinner. 

Minhyuk’s eyes widened when he realized what his words meant. “Kyung, you asked for my help. There’s no other way, so keep your mind off the gutter. It’s just sex.”

Kyung almost choked. “Wh-what?” He had always assumed himself to be the most liberal in the group, right next to Taeil with his butt pillows, but this is another level.

The dancer rolled his eyes. “Jiho and I don’t match. Obviously. So I see nothing we will agree on except in that subject. If he’s as sexually frustrated as you say he is, then convincing him will be easier.”

Exactly as Jaehyo had predicted. But hearing the words come out of Minhyuk’s own mouth suddenly made Kyung’s innards to twist. “Can you really do that?”

He rolled his eyes again. “I’m resolved. Look at me. I haven’t slept a wink thinking about what to do. If this is the only way I can contribute, then so be it.”

“No, I mean... are you okay with it? Forget Jiho. Are you sure about this?”

Kyung’s voice was soft, his expression even more so. It made Minhyuk smile. “When I first auditioned to become an idol, I was prepared to do anything. I was willing to change my whole face and sleep only two hours a day if it meant being successful. I didn’t care if my body broke or my heart gives out, I only know I want to perform. Now I have a kid two years younger than me bearing that burden so I don’t have to change so much of myself just to get where I want. So am I willing to do anything for that kid?” He sipped at his coffee, looking down on the floor and hoping Kyung would get the message. 

The fast-talking rapper was, of course, dumbfounded. This side of Minhyuk was a new experience. “Hyung... thank you. I don’t know what to say.” That was the truth. Minhyuk was the type to sit silently and watch everybody bicker, then suddenly walk away in the middle of a fight, rolling his eyes in disgust. He’s also one to hung his head low when the conversation takes an emotional turn, and the least likely among them to express himself emotionally. So Kyung was really, genuinely, surprised.

Minhyuk looked away and changed the subject. Typical. “So ... what type of person does our Jiho really like?”

“Well...” Kyung began, rolling his eyes up the ceiling. “Yukwon-hyung...”

Obviously this answer is useless. “Be a little less specific, you dumbass.”

“I’m serious” Kyung tried to defend himself. “If you’re asking for a type, it’s Yukwon-hyung. I don’t know what came first, actually, because he only openly talked about types after debut. He used to go for the shy and quiet girls considering his personality, but after debut his ideal type changed. I thought he was joking at first, but when he started saying the same things and elaborating and becoming more specific that’s when I thought something was up. I knew he was referring to a person. And I grilled him until he confessed.”

“How is that supposed to help me?” Minhyuk breathed in exasperation. “You’ve given me a burden to solve and you can’t even answer a simple question. All I have to go on is his fascination with thighs and ear piercings. Plus I’m hardly a bagel man. How many plastic surgeries do you think I have to go through just to achieve that?”

The shorter man sighed and sat down on his hyung’s bed, pouting. “Why do you assume it’s just his body that Jiho is attracted to?” He glanced up mischievously at Minhyuk. “Or is that all you like about hyung?”

Minhyuk scalded his tongue at the remark, sipping too fast. “Of course not! Idiot! I mean, of course I want to fuck him. Or have him fuck me, I don’t care.” Kyung’s face turned sour and he made gagging noises and gestures. “Shut up, Kyung. Compared to you, Yukwon is adorable. Scary adorable. He’s a monster on stage and a cute kitten backstage. He’s both sweet and bitter and I like that.”

“Discussing this with you is just too weird. You’re buying me dinner for scarring my brain, hyung. How dare you dirty your poor dongsaeng’s purity.”

“Your browser history says otherwise, moron”

“You’ve been snooping on my computer?!” he exclaimed, turning beet red from embarrassment. 

“Everybody’s been snooping on your computer.” Minhyuk tried to hide a triumphant smile behind his coffee cup, but he was grinning too widely and Kyung can see his dimples.

“Fine!” Kyung snapped, standing up. “You know what Jiho likes? Excitement. He wants to be kept on the edge and engaged in a battle of wits. He likes people he can’t figure out in twenty minutes, people who keep him guessing and who can hold their own when fighting with him. The kind of person he describes in Synchronization 100% who shoves him against a wall when they kiss. All of which, if I may say so respectfully to my darling Minhyuk-hyung, is also 100% not you. I bet you don’t even know how to flirt.” 

Minhyuk looked at him in shock. He can acknowledge all that Kyung said, except for that last sentence, which is humiliating for a healthy Korean male. “Of course I do! How did you think I even had a girlfriend in the first place?”

“Well, according to her...”

“Park Kyung! I know, goddamnit!” he replied with more embarrassment than anger. 

The younger man raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh? Then try flirting with me.”

“I’ll make your knees weak, just watch out.”

At this, Kyung laughed. “I’m looking forward to it, hyung.”

And so ensures the weeks that followed after their conversation, the sly touches and the almost-kiss and all that hugging and resting his chin on Kyung’s shoulder in front of the camera. Or what the fans cannot see, the way he brushed Kyung’s sweaty bangs off his face, or handed him vitamin water after dance practice, or wiping his eyebrows with his own towel. Kyung of course, enjoyed the attention, and all the free things he was getting. But if that was Minhyuk’s definition of flirting, then he has a lot of work ahead of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. That took a long time to write firstly because of my inexperience, and secondly because B-bomb is a hard character to read. As his members remark, he's too quiet. Anyways, I hope I am as close to his on-screen persona as possible.


	5. And into the Frying Pan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here starts the relevance of the rating. More to come in the next chapters :D

“I can’t believe I’m asking this but... do I really stand a chance?”

Kyung pursed his lips, a little bit surprised. Minhyuk had cornered him in the bathroom of their last live for their sub-unit, locking the door and dragging the blonde as far away from the entrance as possible to be sure that nobody would be within ear shot. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Are you seriously doubting yourself, hyung?” he replied with an amused voice.

The older boy groaned. “Jiho is well sought-after... I mean... Hyuna, and Sulli, and... that girl who confessed on national TV... how can I compete...”

Kyung’s mouth was agape. “My God. You guys are really ignorant about what the word ‘gay’ means.”

“Well excuse me” Minhyuk pouted.

Kyung pretended to pace around the bathroom, but was actually trying to hide a smile behind his hand. Time to correct Minhyuk’s notion of flirting “Hyung, I have an idea. I’m just not sure if you can pull it off, considering the quality of your flirting abilities.”

Minhyuk glared at him. “There’s nothing wrong with my flirting abilities.”

“According to you...” he replied with a smirk. 

“Park Kyung! I’m at my wits’ end with Jiho, okay? He’s never around and when he is he’s surrounded by a ton of people. Sometimes I think Zico is too far away even if we’re members of the same group. How can I even catch the attention of somebody who is flocked by hot girls and hot rappers whose mind is preoccupied by the most perfect being I know?”

The younger laughed at his exasperation. “Relax, hyung. Compared to them we can demand things from Jiho. Besides, you are looking at one of the greatest master minds in the K-pop industry.”

“Somehow I doubt—”

The banging at the door interrupted whatever Kyung was going to say. They tried to ignore it at first but it became louder and more incessant, and Minhyuk couldn’t talk through the noise. Minhyuk rushed to open the door, but not before saying, “We’ll talk later. But for now hide in one of the stalls.”

“Why did you have to lock the door, what the hell were you doing there?” came a complaint from a gruff Taeil. Kyung wondered what got to him, using curse words like that.

“Sorry hyung” was all Minhyuk could reply, perhaps from shock. Kyung was glad he wasn’t the one who met the little man’s wrath.

Jihoon brushed past Minhyuk in the hallway, and actually bumped his shoulder. It hurt, and Minhyuk was about to yell at him had he not seen the stern expression on the maknae’s face. “What the...”

“Jiho, what happened?” was Minhyuk’s first question to their leader. He found out he couldn’t bring himself to hold the boy’s gaze for more than two seconds. If it wasn’t an issue then, it sure as hell is an issue now. 

“I got yelled at by Taeil-hyung” was all Jiho could say with his dazed expression. 

Minhyuk was about to say something when Yukwon came by inside the room, a towel over his head. His expression brightened when he saw Minhyuk. “Hey hyung! Where did you run off to? An idea just struck me while we were up there dancing and I—”

“Let’s talk later, Kwonnie” he admonished the younger dancer. “I’m not in the mood.” Yukwon’s smile dissolved into shock and dejection, and even Jiho saw it and was about to react, but Minhyuk recovered faster. “Let me go get a drink first. I’ll get you that watermelon flavour. What about you, Jiho?”

“Uhhh... no thanks.”

They both watched Minhyuk head out the door.

“Not sure if I’m right, but... is there a problem between you and Minhyuk-hyung?” Jiho asked the still-bewildered brunette.

“Of course you don’t know. Maybe remember whose leader you are sometimes” Yukwon replied with heat, but instantly regretted it.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Even Yukwon was visibly shocked by his outburst. His face softened and he offered Jiho a small smile. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. You have a lot on your plate, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, has anybody seen my watch?” came a voice from the door. “Did I accidentally throw it on the stage? I remember throwing something.”

“I’ll help you look” Yukwon suddenly volunteered, giving one last look at Jiho. Jaehyo looked at Yukwon in surprise, but the younger boy was dragging him by the wrist, and he had no choice but to follow. “Are you okay, Jiho?” he managed to blurt out, but he didn’t have the chance to hear Jiho’s reply.

Obviously, nothing’s okay.

Has he really been away for far too long?

When Minhyuk came back Jiho was still staring at the floor in a daze. 

Minhyuk swallowed. This was his chance. Jiho was alone and vulnerable. Minhyuk shook his head in disgust. He sounded like a pervert just now. “Why’re you so spaced out?” he said and brought the cold can to Jiho’s neck. The latter jumped up from his seat and turned to Minhyuk with wide eyes.

“Hyung!”

“Is there a problem, leader-nim?”

Jiho’s eyes softened. “If there’s a problem, you would tell me, wouldn’t you, Minhyuk-hyung?”

Minhyuk paused for a while, thinking of how to respond lightly. “Hang out with us more Jiho. You know we love you. Sometimes we get jealous. The six of us are already fighting among ourselves for your attention, so we don’t need any more competition as it is.”

“You know that Block B is always my priority?”

“Is it?” Minhyuk looked tentatively at the cans on either of his hands, and set them on the table. “One of the reasons that my ex broke up with me was because I had no time for her. I never forgot an anniversary, and I always had been grand in celebrating them. One thing I realized, though, is that it’s more important that you share the more mundane events in the lives of the people you care for.”

“But it’s not possible to be there every single day, you know that.”

“That’s not what I meant, you brat. Just...” Minhyuk walked around the sofa until he was face-to-face with Jiho. He walked closer and lifted his hand to touch the younger man’s cheek. Jiho was surprised, but he didn’t move. “... when you need help, turn to us. Not to anybody else. We may be stupid, but we’d like to think you care enough to ask.”

Jiho smiled. “Are you practicing for the drama?”

Minhyuk laughed and petted his cheek. “No, you’re just cute.”

“I’m what?” the taller man exclaimed, humoured but more shocked.

“My cute dongsaeng~” he responded in a mocking singsong, smiling widely. He withdrew his hand and walked away to retrieve the drinks from the table, with Jiho gaping at him the whole time. 

“Hyung!” Jiho finally spoke. “What happened to you? Do you have a girlfriend now? Why are you like that?”

Minhyuk only winked at him and exited the room. When he closed the door he ran all the way to the balcony and tried to catch his breath. That’s when he allowed himself to turn red, and he went down on his knees in embarrassment. Oh God, what have I done?

Even with the self-loathing that followed, even if it kept him awake at night, he had proceeded to touch Jiho here and there every now and then. Fingers, hair, jaw line, shoulders, arms, just as Park Kyung had instructed. He paid extra attention to Jiho every time they are in contact. Kyung told him that he was too cheesy, but he had never wooed a guy before, only girls, and Jiho is so obviously not a girl but he had no idea how to proceed especially when Kyung leaves him hanging. He turned to Jaehyo out of desperation, because no matter what he does he can’t seem to catch the great Zico’s sole attention. He was still too far away.

“Let’s say, hypothetically” he began, after he pulled Jaehyo into the corner of their dressing room while they were waiting to go live on an interview. This was the only time he could talk to the flower boy alone, what with Jiho hanging around him most of the time he was free, Minhyuk shaking his head at the excessive skinship, or Jaehyo turning his phone off to escape from Jiho and Minhyuk could not contact him because he’s hiding somewhere outside the dorm. “If I’m interested with a headstrong girl who is too good for anybody and who intimidates the hell out of me, and she is surrounded by guys who look at her with doe eyes, what do I do to catch her attention?”

Jaehyo blinked at him blankly, and Minhyuk cursed at himself for asking this clueless hyung. He’d had the most experience in dating among the seven of them, but perhaps if you looked that good you didn’t need to employ too many tactics. “Do you have a chance to get her alone?”

Minhyuk shrugged. “Well I suppose so, but it will take hard work.”

“And how long have you known each other?”

“Years.”

“And you’re close?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not. I’m not sure, the way things are now. This person is very successful, and please don’t ask who she is I’m not saying. So yes, we used to be close then but she had become more successful than I am now, so we’re not playing on an even field.” Jaehyo’s face seemed serious; he even had his forefinger and thumb on his chin, and he looked very thoughtful. Perhaps it’s a good move asking him after all.

“Then get her alone and kiss her.”

Or not. “I can’t do that, don’t be stupid.”

Jaehyo looked at him with that hurt expression on his face. “Nobody really ever believes me here. Hyung, look, there’s only one way to handle a proud girl, and you say you used to be close and you’ve known each other for quite some time. It’s either she likes you or not. If she’s never thought about it before, kissing you would make her think. Believe me, when people with those kinds of personalities make up their minds nothing you do can change it. So kiss her, and if she likes you then she likes you, and if she doesn’t then she doesn’t. It will make her pay attention to you, and suddenly force her to think of you in romantic terms.”

Minhyuk can’t help but nod. Jaehyo’s arguments seem very logical. But kiss Woo Jiho out of the blue? He’d be sure to get punched. Or kicked out of the group. Or given lesser part in their songs. “Thanks, Jaehyo” he said and squeezed his dongsaeng’s leg in gratitude. He can’t blame Jaehyo for giving that stupid answer; he didn’t know Minhyuk was referring to Zico. Even the great B-bomb can’t do something that reckless. 

Much later, when Minhyuk told Kyung what Jaehyo had told him, the former’s face lighted up like a thousand-watt bulb. His eyes were practically shining. “We can do that! Leave it to me!” he had said enthusiastically, leaving Minhyuk dumbfounded.

A week after that, Minhyuk found himself alone with Jiho in Kyung’s room, but with Jihoon sprawled out snoring on the bed. It was a countermeasure, Kyung had said, “... just in case a miracle happens and you successfully seduce Jiho. Make out, but please don’t do the love dance on my sheets. They’re actually expensive and I can’t bear to burn them.”

So they were left reviewing a historical fiction of Korea, which started with Kyung’s playful dare that he would give ten thousand won to who among the two of them could last longer watching gay movies with sexual content. Jiho said he didn’t have time for that bullshit, to which Kyung replied that of course it had been a long time since he had time for Kyung’s bullshit, and Jiho said it wasn’t fair to hold it against him, he was making songs for the group, and Kyung replied defensively that he didn’t hold it against Jiho, he was merely stating the facts. And with Yukwon’s outburst two weeks ago, Minhyuk’s advice of spending time with them and now Kyung’s passive-aggressive accusation of him not caring for their friendship, Jiho sighed and accepted the challenge.

It was A Frozen Flower first, and Minhyuk did not dare check Kyung’s playlist. He had bought an expensive 52-inch flatscreen TV and every detail is full-blown and overwhelming, and Minhyuk wondered what the hell Kyung was doing with a big-ass TV and then reminded himself not to wonder too much, unless he couldn’t stand the truth. 

It was a dangerous position to be in, the lead characters on TV with their mouths inching close together, and so Minhyuk turned his head away in embarrassment and was about to crack a joke to dispel the awkwardness of the situation, but instead found Jiho’s eyes glued to the screen, his face serious and his plump lips slightly open. And then he swallowed. Minhyuk was then convinced that Park Kyung may be right, maybe Jiho was a little more than a little bit sex-deprived. The older man smirked. And kissed him playfully on the cheek.

Jiho looked at him in surprise, but he only stared. Whatever the silence meant, it made Minhyuk dare.

The dancer smoothly positioned himself on top of Jiho, both legs spread on either of the latter’s thighs, sitting up. Jiho’s eyes were still wide with surprise, but he wasn’t talking, either, only staring up Minhyuk with his lips parted. Minhyuk took that as a sign to continue, becoming bolder by the minute when he saw how red and quiet Jiho was, which was rare. 

He placed both arms on Jiho’s shoulders, and slowly worked his way down the rapper’s mouth, gaze focused on his plump lips, not closing his eyes until he could feel the soft press of Jiho’s lips on his own. He was careful at first, giving only small pecks and presses. It was not until he felt Jiho’s hand at the back of his head and the other hand on his waist, pulling him closer, that he licked Jiho’s lips until they opened up for his invading tongue. 

The intensity of the kiss made his knees waver, and he dropped himself completely on Jiho’s lap, curled his legs around the younger man’s waist. Jiho moaned at the contact. He pulled back from the kiss in a heaving and rugged breath and stared at his hyung. His facial expression hardened. “Get off.”

“What....” Minhyuk managed to breathe, confused.

“Get off” Jiho repeated, looking away.

The older man mumbled a curse under his breath as he staggered to lift himself up from his position. He felt all the blood drain from his lower extremities to settle on his cheeks. Right now, though, he felt more angry than embarrassed. “That wasn’t fair.”

“I don’t even know what that is” Jiho replied, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket. “Why’d you do that?”

Minhyuk’s mouth hardened into a thin line. “Well you shouldn’t have let me then, if you were so offended.”

“If” was his cryptic reply. “Still... I want to know. Did Kyung put you up to this? Or Jaehyo-hyung?” His voice was edgy, tensed. His eyes were on fire; he looked both angry and worried at the same time.

But Minhyuk was also too angry by now to give him a straight answer. “Put me up to what? What are you accusing me of?”

“Don’t play dumb. You wouldn’t dare to do this unless you had a reason, I know you.” Jiho stood up with a sullen expression on his face. Suddenly Minhyuk felt very small. “Did they bribe you?” Minhyuk’s eyes darkened as his anger piled up. “Never mind” Jiho suddenly said before he could reply. “It’s not money. Thank you, hyung, but you don’t need to take your pity so far as to kiss a man. Just...” he turned his head away, turning red, “... ignore what Kyung or Jaehyo-hyung told you. This, whatever this is, is a mistake...” Jiho shook his head and smiled that famous sad smile he always flashes when he feels disappointed.

Minhyuk grabbed his arm before he could leave the room. “You know... I’ve been staring at Yukwon for too long, that I didn’t notice you were staring at him a lot, too.”

“What...” The taller man untangled his arm from the tight grip. “Lee Minhyuk... you may be older than me, but I’m still your leader. So just take my advice and leave it. Whatever Kyung told you, it was a misunderstanding. I’ll have a little talk with him and I’ll consider this over.”

“It’s not only Kyung who has eyes, Woo Jiho. Did you think your little crush will go unnoticed?”

Jiho’s eyes widened even more, but he couldn’t think of anything wise to say. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m tempted to leave it be. You’re an asshole who thinks he’s better than the rest of us, and even though that’s true to a certain degree, the fact that you feel that way makes me want to break your nose. You’re rude, you’re a perfectionist, and you nag a lot.”

Every sentence makes Jiho grow angrier. In another circumstance Minhyuk would’ve cowered by how pointed Jiho’s gaze is, but he knew he has the upper hand in this one. He boldly stepped closer to Jiho until their faces were merely two inches apart. “You like Yukwon, and I like him, too. But that’s a ship that sailed a long time ago. I’m done pretending, but I still have to work with that guy, and see him kiss her, and call her, and laugh at her texts. I want to just shoot myself in the head but every time they fight I get my hopes up. I’m too far gone and I can’t get back anymore. If you’re the same, take up on my offer. Just kiss me, and let’s forget, even for a moment.”

For a long time Jiho did not respond. So Minhyuk rolled his eyes and stepped away from their leader, and that forever is what he will be, once Minhyuk leaves the room. 

“Meet me in the studio in an hour” Jiho said blandly before Minhyuk could close the door. The older man turned his head slightly and nodded.


	6. Surprise

The first time they kissed... was hell. It was scalding hot, pleasurable during, but painful after. It was a moment of chasing after the warmth after being too long in the cold, but getting too close to the heat that it burns. The second time was even hotter and therefore even more painful.

Minhyuk had attacked him the moment he entered the studio. One hour, Jiho had said, and the older man had been on point. He had looked at his watch and the seconds that ticked past twelve, and had arrived exactly afterwards. Jiho had no idea why Minhyuk was very eager, but he felt thrilled knowing how wanted he is, even if for another purpose different from what he had craved. Perhaps, though, this was the best thing people like him could have.

Jiho was still putting away the cup ramen from yesterday, when he felt a pair of strong arms spin him around and grab his waist close to kiss him. Instinctively, Jiho pulled away, keeping his aggressor half an arm’s length, which is as far away as he could muster with the way the muscles encircled his waist possessively. Jiho blinked and saw Minhyuk’s determined eyes looking up at him.

Damn. He was small but was he ever so strong. “Hyung... can’t you even slow down to say hello first.” He tried to smile, but Minhyuk scowled at him, easing his grip but not entirely releasing him. 

“You still want to talk?” he replied with a raised eyebrow. 

Jiho looked away, not knowing how to respond. He could be a smooth talker when he wants to, but not when he’s tired or under pressure. Or, as he has discovered, when he was confused. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Minhyuk’s scowl deepened. “I’m doing it, aren’t I?” Then a dark realization crossed over his face, and he let Jiho go suddenly, causing the taller man to lose his balance and stumble backwards trying to regain his footing. Minhyuk stepped back until he was at least three feet away. “I’m sorry... am I forcing you? You can say no, Jiho. If I had misread your actions... and you’re just too polite to reject me...”

As always, even when Minhyuk sounded troubled, his face does not register it at all. Even when he laughs or smiles it’s not easy to see if they are real, and even after knowing each other for five years, Jiho still can’t get a read on him. Perhaps that was what made him very passing, that blankness on his face. He had a slender body and a cool calm bearing that just melts in the background, which was why he doesn’t hold any strong presence at all. Compare him to the overreacting and explosive bodily and facial expressions of the other members, Minhyuk’s slight movements make him almost invisible. And... compared to Yukwon, who’s smile just lights up the world (at least in Jiho’s world), Minhyuk is a pitiful substitute. Though, it may only be Jiho’s biased perspective, because if he compares Yukwon to anybody right now they’d all fail in contrast. 

“Don’t just stand there and stare at me” came the remark that snapped Jiho from his thoughts. Minhyuk was looking at him with an almost angry expression. “Why’d you call me here if you’re hesitating? I’m too old to play around. Tell me if you want me, tell me if you don’t. I’m not asking you to fall in love, so the choice is really simple.”

“It’s not simple for me” Jiho replied in shock and anger. “Do you realize that if we do this, and it ends badly, it may be harmful for the group?”

“And you being gone all the time is not?”

Jiho’s mouth formed a thin line but he still didn’t respond. He was still looking at the ground tentatively, refusing to meet his hyung’s gaze. 

Minhyuk’s courage dropped. He’d had enough of all this forced seduction. It is very disheartening to have one’s advances rejected many times, and it actually made him take a good long look of himself in the mirror before he clenched his fists and entered Jiho’s studio. He tried to avoid a conversation, but the younger man seems too disturbed with the immoral concept of casual sex, and Minhyuk as a hyung under normal circumstances would have been proud of that, but this is not a normal circumstance. He sighed. One last try, and he’ll just label this as a failure. Then he’d go murder Park Kyung.

Minhyuk stepped closer to Jiho, and the rapper’s eyes widened but again he did not make a move to back away. “Just try it once... and if you really don’t like it, then I’ll go away. No harm done.” He inched his face closer as slowly as he could, giving time for the younger man to react, but he did not move a muscle.

So Minhyuk kissed him again. And Jiho responded again. It was a different experience from kissing a girl, mainly because Jiho’s lips were full and he devoured Minhyuk’s with the same passion he displays in a stage performance. His tongue was as invasive as his personality, but what Minhyuk likes the best was how Jiho would pull away occasionally to look at him, for a few seconds, as if making sure that this was really happening, before leaning down and kissing him hard again. It was sort of endearing, although it made him shiver because Jiho’s gaze could be really intense. 

In contrast to his eyes, Jiho’s hands were gentle. Or tentative. Minhyuk of course preferred the former, because the last thing he needs are broken bones. He wasn’t mentally or physically prepared to go all the way with a guy, although Kyung had cheekily handed him a ‘care package, hyung, because we wouldn’t want you damaged, now would we?’, with the talk escalating to ‘... how dare you think I’m the bottom?’, and ‘I’m surprised you know what a bottom is’, and Minhyuk whacking him on the head. He had been too embarrassed to bring it up the studio so he left the kit in the car.

Jiho backed him against the wall, in the space between the door and the sofa, but softly, and he cushioned Minhyuk’s head with his hand. The kiss and Jiho’s heat was getting to Minhyuk, and he can’t stop moaning and fisting his hand into Jiho’s sweater, trying to regain control or feel another sensation that would distract him for a bit so that he would not embarrass himself. 

Suddenly Jiho released him, breathing hard, and Minhyuk almost collapsed from the loss of support and the weakness on his knees. “What the fuck?” he glared at his dongsaeng, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his cotton shirt. If Jiho continues being hot and cold Minhyuk doesn’t know how long he can keep pursuing him. There’s only so much rejection a person can take.

“Hyung, I don’t have... anything... here.”

Of course. Minhyuk felt his face flush hotter than before. He wasn’t really a voice of reason when he’s high like this. He’s a mass of raging hormones and it worked to his disadvantage. Like now. “There are still plenty of things we can do” he breathed against Jiho’s mouth, slowly treading his hand from Jiho’s back to his stomach, down to his navel until the latter stilled his hand by gripping his wrist.

“What now?”

“Okay, hyung, this is embarrassing but... to tell you the truth... I...” The kid’s face was twisted in a mixture of embarrassment and uncertainty. “I may seem like I have a lot of experience but...”

Suffice to say, Minhyuk was shocked. So Jiho may talk about legs and thighs all he wants in TV programs and radio shows, but he has to an extent internalized his mother’s values. Now Minhyuk feels dirty. How he dared to soil such purity was above him. He never in his wildest dreams ever imagined Jiho being pure... it was a word that didn’t suit his image in the slightest. With the number of girls in idol groups with their smooth legs and fake boobs panting after him Minhyuk was sure he’d have fucked at least half of them. He seemed like the type to. Turns out ‘late night in the studio’ really literally means just that. Right now all Minhyuk wanted to do was curl up and die.

“Okay, okay” was all he could think of to say, loosening his grip from Jiho and pushing him away gently so he could throw himself on the sofa to calm himself down. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize...”

“How disappointing, huh?” was Jiho’s silent reply.

Minhyuk turned to face him, sitting up straight. “There’s plenty of time to learn. That is... if you want to take lessons from me.” He turned his voice into honey, and gave Jiho his most seductive look. After this he’s going to scream at the Han River, but right now he has a mission.

For some reason, this made Jiho laugh. “Hyung, where did you learn?”

“Some alley in the SBS building.”

Naturally Jiho was shocked. “That’s disgusting! Are you serious? I change my mind learning from you.”

“Of course I’m joking, you idiot!” he rolled his eyes. “I’ve tried anal with my girlfriend before. I just have to take your dick into consideration and we’re all good.”

The younger man’s face was contorted in disgust. “Why are you intent on destroying my innocence?”

“What? You’re twenty-two, not sixteen! Don’t tell me you haven’t even jacked off before.”

The look on Jiho’s face increased Minhyuk’s bewilderment. “Oh. My. God. You really haven’t?”

“Of course I have! But not quite...”

“It’s either you did or you didn’t, my lovely dongsaeng.”

Jiho huffed at the endearment. “Excuse me for never having the time or the energy.”

Minhyuk stood up and tiptoed to give Jiho a chaste kiss on the lips. “Like I said, you’re my cute dongsaeng. I’m proud of you. You are the beacon of light among the youth and the hope of the Republic of Korea.”

“You say it like it’s a bad thing.” Then he pouted. 

Cute Jiho was TV Jiho, and although the cuteness makes Minhyuk smile, it also makes him wonder what Zico had in mind.

~~

Of course, the first thing that Minhyuk does after he parted with Jiho was call Park Kyung to give him a loud whack on the head. 

“Ouch! What was that for, hyung?” the carrothead whined, massaging his skull. His hair wasn’t orange now, but that’s what they always called Kyung then, and the name stuck. 

“You’ve been feeding me false information, so look at what I got myself into.”

“What false information are you talking about?”

“You didn’t tell me Jiho was a virgin!”

Kyung was rolled his eyes in passive indifference. “What made you think he wasn’t?”

This made Minhyuk want to whack him again. “Park Kyung, I did not sign up for this!”

Carrothead looked at him as if he was crazy. “Hyung, what happened to that speech about owing your life to a hardworking dongsaeng who sacrificed himself to get you where you are? Don’t tell me you’re backing off just because of a small matter.”

“Small matter?!” he exclaimed, genuinely annoyed now. Thankfully they were inside of his apartment, and so he could scream all he wants. “This changes everything! I pressured him to have sex, I was very aggressive, and I told him the sex didn’t have to mean anything. His first time and it’s with a guy and—”

“— and I’m very glad it would be you” Kyung cut him off. “Because I know that you care about him.” He squeezed his hyung’s biceps to comfort him. “I know this is a big sacrifice for you because you’re a selfish asshole but you’re still doing this for Jiho, and as his best friend I’m really thankful.”

The elder glared at the disrespectful characterization, but that was the least of his problems. “I’m still not sure if this is the best way to help him, Kyung.”

“And I’m not sure there is any other way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What have I done to Zico? T.T I made him too docile. I hope it's not too out-of-character. I don't even know now... I just kept writing and this is the result (is this man capable of docility? T.T)
> 
> Sorry for the slow update. I had to scour the internet for Minhyuk facts to be able to understand his character and failed. Anyway, this is the best characterization I could make.
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)


	7. Youth and Consequence

It was in the middle of the night, seven years ago, when Kyung thought he would finally see a ghost. There was a rapping sound against the glass door of his balcony, and a shadow appearing and disappearing from view in the white light illuminated by the moon. It didn’t help that the thin white curtains were swaying mysteriously even in the absence of wind. It was difficult for him to sleep that night, given what had happened earlier in the day, and so he tossed and turned hoping for a distraction until distraction came his way. 

Instead of fear, he had felt excitement. And so he slowly got up from bed and crawled on the floor to unlock the door hoping to surprise the ghost. Not that ghosts can be surprised but what the hell. He screamed as loud as he can when he slid the door open but to his surprise the ghost screamed with him. And the scream was very similar to his best friend Woo Jiho’s scream when Kyung had hidden himself under the former’s bed and swore Jiho’s mom to secrecy. Contrary to Jiho’s speaking voice, the tone was very high-pitched; it was a short cry, but still sounded like a cat in heat. 

“Park fucking Kyung!” Jiho yelled at him when he recovered, sprawled on the floor with eyes wide and his heart beating fast and all the blood draining to his feet as his brain signalled for him to run.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Kyung had laughed at him, offering his hand to help Jiho up. “How in the world did you climb up to the fifth floor?” It was an apartment complex, and the asthmatic Jiho was never really athletic; he hated moving, staying thin only because his life was consumed by music and he always had little appetite. 

When he accepted Kyung’s hand, and was pulled upright, the first thing Jiho did was hug him. Tightly. “Adrenaline, what else?” he answered silently by Kyung’s ear, his breath caressing Kyung’s skin as he buried his head on the crook of his best friend’s neck. 

The smaller man’s laughter was cut off from the sudden action, but he immediately hugged him back. “How are you, Jiho?”

“Fucked” came his vulgar reply. “They’re sending me to Japan.”

Kyung had seen it coming. It was the most logical thing to do, he had surmised, when you see your baby child kissing a boy in his room. Rather than letting him suffer the wrath of Korea, better give him a chance to reflect on his actions in a foreign country where he didn’t know anybody, couldn’t talk to anybody, and therefore couldn’t go kissing anybody. So Kyung’s only reaction was a sigh. “Go find a hot Japanese guy to shock your father.”

Jiho let out a small laugh. “Maybe I will.” They stayed like that for a while, until Kyung’s mother was knocking loudly on his door and asking him if he was alright. So he pushed Jiho back into the balcony and came running to open the door. “I saw a rat, mom!” he shrieked. And his mom gave him a loud thump on the head. “Then grab its measly head and fling it out the window. You don’t need to wake the whole building, idiot.” Jiho could imagine Kyung letting out the tears he stored for special circumstances such as this (one of them is asking for extra allowance). “Mom...” he whined, “what if it bites me?” But Mrs. Park was too used to his whining to relent. “Enough. Go complain to the building manager tomorrow. Screaming because of a rat. If it were me I’d have kicked it to the wall. What kind of child did I raise?” 

Jiho allowed himself to laugh harder when he heard the door close. “Why didn’t you take after your mom? My life would have been more fun” he said mockingly, pushing his way past Kyung and jumping on the bed. “Mmmm... you stink but your bed smells nice. How do you manage that?”

As revenge, Kyung flung his whole body on top of Jiho’s. “Shut up. You’ll always be the guy who kissed me. Nothing you say can offend me now.”

“Get off!” Jiho managed to breathe, struggling to catch some air. “And for the record, I heard you moan.”

It was Jiho’s turn to get whacked on the head. He got up to return the favour, but he saw that Kyung’s face was serious. “What?”

“Send me post cards” he replied in a flat tone. His face was devoid of emotion. He’d rather sport a poker face than have Jiho see him crying and tease him about it for the rest of his natural life.

“There’s Skype, idiot”

“I don’t care about your face, I want to see the view. Upload videos of where you go and who you meet. Shrines, cherry blossoms, monks... are there Buddhists in Japan? And the hot-springs... I once saw pictures of these monkeys who live in the hot springs, think you can catch a baby monkey and ship one to Korea? I’ll name him Jiho and when I call his name you wouldn’t know whether I’m calling the monkey or you, and I’d laugh my ass off when you answer, ‘yes?’ when I was actually referring to the monkey. Not that there’s any distinction between the two of you. Monkeys are cheeky and loud and obnoxious, and sometimes they steal things and—”

“Kyung” Jiho silenced him by pressing a finger on his mouth. “I’ll miss you, too.”

Kyung was silent for a while, staring at the space behind Jiho’s head. Then he smiled a little. “There’s Skype, idiot.”

Jiho laughed softly, and laid himself again on the bed. “Thanks, Kyung, for accepting me. Even though—”

“Do you want to get hit again? You’re my friend, I’m proud of you, and I’m very flattered that you think so highly of me that you wouldn’t want anybody else to be your first kiss. I don’t accept you, Woo Jiho, because accepting you means you have a flaw that I decided not to care about, and that’s not true. Being gay is not a flaw. If anything it will give you something to rap about, your flow is getting boring.”

Six hours ago, Jiho had had his first kiss. He confessed to his long-term friend with as much harshness as he could after the graduation ceremonies, knowing full well how the rejection would hurt him. “I like you” Jiho had said when he pulled him into a corner outside of the gym. “More than a friend would like a friend. You’re only good in math and rapping and you’re greasy as hell, you’re uglier than me and you’re very annoying.” Kyung didn’t know what to do first, to blush or get angry, and he opened his mouth to defend himself but Jiho silenced him. “Listen to me first. You have the smelliest fart I’ve ever encountered in my life. But I find myself liking even those qualities about you, and it scares me.” His voice became softer, and he dropped his gaze to the floor. “I can’t remain friends with you, if this is how I feel, and we’re going to the same school and I have to see you every day and... and I thought better say it now than to suffer in silence for three more years.”

That was the worst confession Kyung had ever received. He didn’t know if he was more insulted or more flattered. But this is Woo Jiho, his closest friend, and if it had been anybody else he would have kicked him in the groin and ran, but he can’t do that to this particular friend. So he kept quiet for some time and tried to think carefully how to respond. He spoke only when he was sure of his composure. “I’m sorry, Jiho... that I made you suffer. If... if I were gay I would definitely date you. You have the personality of a terrorist, and you’re loud and you look like a Japanese gangster in a B-rated movie” he added, not being able to resist insulting him back. Needless to say, Jiho was astonished. “But when I see you onstage I just think to myself, ‘wow, he’s really hot’. And I’m sure someday you’ll find a guy who will also think that, but who will like you more than a friend would like a friend.” 

Jiho smiled, understanding what he meant. But the smile was accompanied by tears, and when he felt the hot liquid fall from his eyes to his cheek he wiped them hastily away, and tilted his head up in an attempt to keep them from falling further. He fanned his eyes and laughed. His ears were red and his cheeks were red and his eyes were red and it didn’t help that his skin was too white. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying. I know you’ll reject me, I know you don’t swing that way. I just... I had to say it.”

“Jiho...”

The taller boy beamed at him, all lips and teeth. “We better get back. My dad found an eat-all-you-can restaurant but it’s an hour ride from here. And I’m hungry. So...”

“Come on, Jiho—”

“I’ll see you around, yeah?” 

Kyung had ran after him, but for once in his life Jiho was fast, and the next thing he saw was their car pulling from the driveway and exiting the gate. And so Kyung had no choice but wait for them to come back to their house. He was waiting by their apartment, and Jiho’s parents naturally invited him in, ignoring Jiho’s protests of being tired, of Jiseok bothering him the whole day and why can’t he just be left alone. To all this, Jiho’s mom just answered him with a sharp glare. “Kyung is your best friend, so don’t be rude to him. After all he had done for you. Come on in, Kyung, we have some fondue. I’ll fix you a slice if you want.”

“But he did nothing but bully me!” Jiho wouldn’t drop the subject. He went so far as to flashing puppy eyes at his mom.

“Your mother raised you better, son” came a stern voice from behind them. “I bought a crate of peaches from Japan, would your mother want some, Kyung?”

“Of course Mr. Woo!” Kyung answered excitedly, as he followed Jiho’s parents inside the building. He stuck out his tongue to Jiho, and he could do nothing but glare. 

“You seem to forget who you’re dealing with” was the first thing Kyung had said when they were alone in Jiho’s room. Jiho did not respond, proceeding to course through a volume of One Piece manga that was left face down on his bed. “You heard your mom. I’m your best friend, don’t be rude.”

That’s when the younger put down the book and met his gaze. “I just embarrassed myself in front of said best friend. How am I supposed to talk to you after that? I have no shred of dignity left.” He picked up the manga again and laid himself on his bed to read it.

“Idiot. Your dignity disappeared a long time ago when you first farted in front of me.”

“I’m Woo Jiho. Even my farts are musical. You should be grateful you’re allowed to experience them.”

“That’s the Jiho I know. Cocky bastard.”

A few seconds ticked by before Jiho decided to give Kyung his full attention. He got up from the bed and actually looked at him in the eye. “Can you... can I ask you to kiss me?”

Kyung’s eyes widened a little, but he kept himself in check. “What? Why?”

“This is not your first kiss, right? So I’m not ruining anything?” 

There it goes again. The vulnerable Jiho. Kyung didn’t know how to respond. “No, I’ve... why would you want me to kiss you?”

“Because...” Jiho shrugged, looking away, a blush starting to form on his cheeks. “Ugh. This is stupid. Just go get your peaches and leave. I’m sick of them, so don’t reject my dad’s generosity.”

Perhaps it was human nature, to do things only when you’re told not to do them, or perhaps it was in Kyung’s nature. Whatever it was it made Kyung kiss Jiho. It was a short peck on the lips, but it was enough to silence the latter. And he was silent, until the door of his room opened and his mother entered bringing with her a tray of the promised fondue and two glasses of water. “I’ll be back for your peaches” was all he heard her say, and though she had stayed there for a good five minutes talking to Kyung, none of it registered in Jiho’s brain. 

“Why are you so spaced out?”

Jiho lifted wide eyes to him. “You kissed me! Why should I not be spaced out?”

“Oh. Sometimes I forget what a great kisser I am.”

“Fuck you, it was amateur at best. My first kiss and it was a complete disappointment.” He was only teasing, of course, but Kyung frowned and resumed his attack.

“Level 2, then” he mouthed before going after Jiho’s lips. Level 2 involved a thumb and forefinger on Jiho’s chin, forcing his mouth open, a tongue licking into the roof of his mouth, over his teeth, sucking his lower lip, and a hand on his thigh. It involved the loss of air and Jiho pulling away to scold Kyung for the glaring gap between Level 1 and Level 2, and instead finding his mother’s face staring open-mouthed at them with a small box of peaches on her hand. Level 2 involved Jiho pushing Kyung away and demanding him to leave, ‘forget the fucking peaches, just go I can handle this by myself’. 

And Level 2 gave him the courage to convince the Park’s next-door neighbour to let him use their balcony so that he could get over to his best friend’s room, at nearly two in the morning, and the old lady too tired to argue and too familiar with Jiho’s face because him and Kyung were always too damned loud when they’re together, had let him in with his lame story about how his parents are fighting and he wanted to get away from them. 

Level 2 was the happiest and most tragic moment of his life. But Jiho was an optimist. California, Japan, China... wherever they send him he will eventually turn eighteen. And when he does he will be coming back to Korea. He will be reunited with the only person he trusts, and he will keep him by his side always. Yes, that’s what he will do.

~~

That was the story that Kyung had revealed to Jaehyo. Which is why, even when it was out of his character, he had met Jiho’s accusatory gaze with equal fervor.

“Minhyuk-hyung kissed me” Jiho was saying, face turning noticeably red against his pale white skin but still maintaining eye contact with Jaehyo. He had called him to meet in the studio the minute Minhyuk had left the dorm. “Just two days after you found out I was gay. I don’t think that was just a coincidence, so please don’t lie to me. We’ve all been through a lot of lying and so I don’t appreciate it when the lie comes from my own members.”

In another time Jaehyo’s conscience would have taken the best of him. But this time, he knew he was right. He knew Jiho was suffering, and Minhyuk was suffering, and there has been enough suffering in their group since pre-debut and all the things that happened after, which resulted to them getting their first award only after three years of sweat, blood and tears. He knew Jiho’s work ethics are second to none he’d ever known, and he’s been around a lot from one corporation to another. As a result of this workaholic attitude, Jiho has nothing but his career. Good friends are scarce and good lovers even more so. Among all of them he had received the most hate. Needless to say, Jiho deserves a little bit of happiness. 

“How dare you, Woo Jiho” was Jaehyo’s ready answer. His hands were trembling with the fear of getting caught, but he forced his voice to remain steady. “You may be the leader but I’m still your hyung. I know you hate that line of reasoning, but for once understand what it means.”

Jiho was, of course, surprised. Jaehyo had never been this harsh before, not even when he argues with another member. “At this point I don’t understand anything.”

“It means I’m not a stupid fool, and Minhyuk as your hyung also is not. Poor kitty-kwon the innocent angel for being the kind soul who just existed and drove people crazy. At least Minhyuk-hyung is doing something to remedy the situation, instead of running away or accusing people.”

At that, there was no other appropriate response but silence.

Jaehyo knew he had won. Fight fire with fire, they say. His whole argument is debatable, but an angry Jaehyo is rare, and he knew that it would make Jiho shut up. “What did you do, when he kissed you?”

“I kissed him back” he answered with a small voice.

“Why?”

It took forever for Jiho to answer. But when he did it made Jaehyo’s heart sink. “Because... it made me feel... like I’m desirable.” He laughed to lessen the gravity of his words. “I know I’m ugly as fuck, which is maybe why I’ve already been rejected four times in my four years of existence in the adult life. Or I don’t know, maybe I’m just horny. Or maybe I wanted to get over Yukwon-hyung, I don’t know. Maybe all of the above.”

“Minhyuk is a good person, Jiho.”

“I know, hyung, you don’t have to tell me.”

“But?”

“What do you mean, but?”

“He’s a good person, he thinks you’re attractive, he’s attractive, and this time you can be sure he’s gay, but?”

Jiho sighed. “But...” ... he doesn’t like me. “He’s too different from Yukwon. He’s not the type of person I would usually date.”

“Some things remain to be seen. At first you wanted me out of the group.”

“Hyung I—” he started to protest, but Jaehyo cut him off.

“Don’t worry, Jiho, I felt the same way. But then a year after, when I talked about leaving, you actually cried. Hip-hop swagger tough guy Jiho crying for me to stay. It was a miracle”

The younger boy glared at him. “And you will never forget that, huh?”

“I’ll mention it about once a month for the rest of your life” Jaehyo answered, laughing. “Don’t worry, if Minhyuk behaves like an asshole we’ll take him out of Bastarz. I’ll happily replace him.”

“Wow, hyung, I never thought I’d say this, ever, but... you and Kyung are so alike.”

Jaehyo frowned and slapped him on the arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll reach fifteen chapters at this rate, but I hope you'll still keep reading :D Comments are loved.


	8. Hot and Cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised in the tags. Please know that both of them are above 21 :D

For a week Minhyuk decided not to do anything. He practiced the songs and dances for every show, surfed the net to improve his impersonations, worked on their choreography, forced himself to be more talkative in the programs, and forced himself to be more talkative to Yukwon. Really, it’s hard to be in the same unit and not talk. These days he found himself doing what Jiho used to do, touching Yukwon much more than before and earning Kyung’s disappointed stare. He didn’t know it would be so therapeutic; it was a nice feeling, being able to keep the one you love close to you. Which is also maybe why he forgot about Jiho. 

So when Kyung looked at him and sighed, for third time in an hour, he glared at him and said, “Look, I’ve done my part, okay?”

“Yeah, but can’t you feel Jiho’s seething fury? He knows now that you like Yukwon-hyung and that you know he also likes him.”

This may be why Kyung had called him selfish. Yes, he hated sharing his clothes and his food, but oftentimes he wasn’t too sensitive to others around him. Perhaps it was a result of having no siblings, not having to focus your attention on other people’s needs. He wasn’t really very attentive, but it didn’t mean he didn’t care. “Then I hope he agrees to get with me just to keep me off Yukwon.”

And that’s exactly what Jiho did, two weeks after, shoving Minhyuk against the wall of their dressing room the moment he stepped off from the stage. He was sweaty, his makeup running on his face, and it was too hot and too public. But Jiho was such an eager kisser, and despite the worry of somebody walking in on them, which would be in any second now because it is the dressing room and Yukwon and Jihoon are bound to go to the dressing room, as well as the rest of the members, Minhyuk felt himself responding. It had been a while since he did anything sexual, putting off watching porn because he was always too tired to do anything else in his apartment but eat and sleep. 

At the sound of the knob turning, Jiho pulled away, leaving Minhyuk breathless and high on adrenaline, his heart pumping too fast for his own good that he stumbled on his feet. His face was red and when he lifted his eyes to glare at Jiho, the taller man was smiling down at him, his narrowed gaze full of meaning. 

“Jiho!” greeted a bright voice and a toothy smile, “You came!”

Said Jiho turned and ran towards the cheerful voice, “Hyung!” he smiled back a little wider and ran to scoop the hyung in a tight embrace. “You’re still so hot out there.”

It was then that Jihoon nudged him on his side with his chest, pouting. “What about me hyung? Was I hot, too? Huh? Huh?” all the while pumping his chest against Jiho’s arm. 

Jiho laughed and hugged the maknae next. “Our little Jihoon will always be cute.”

“Hyung, I don’t want to be cute, I want to be hot!” he pouted even harder. “Taeil-hyung’s not with you? He said he would come.”

“I haven’t seen him, no.” Jiho was stopped mid-sentence by Yukwon’s stripping. He was complaining of the heat but that was the least of Jiho’s problems. He released Jihoon from his arms and glanced back at Minhyuk, whose eyes were cast down on the floor. 

“I’ll see you at the dorm” he announced, not wanting to see how Minhyuk would deal with this dilemma, now that he had established his ground. 

“Hyung, you’re not treating us to food? Don’t be useless” Jihoon was muttering, sitting down to take off his high-laced boots.

“Fine, I'll treat you tonight, but only because you were perfect on stage. What do you want?” he had offered readily, remembering Yukwon’s outburst weeks ago. Shirtless Yukwon turned to him in surprise, but Jihoon was too happy with the promise that he was jumping up and down, and Yukwon swallowed the words he was about to say and instead replied with, “Jajangmyeon!”

“Hyung he wasn’t asking you!” Jihoon pouted, his lower lip jutting out. “You don’t even live with us. But yes, jajangmyeon. And chicken and pizza and burger and—”

“Hey! I will not be responsible for your early grave.”

Jihoon was activating his maknae power again, aegyo meter rising by the second as he grinned and danced shamelessly.

“Fine, just stop, stop!” Jiho swatted his hands in the air. “But I’m also bringing mixed vegetables, and if you don’t eat the I’m never buying you food ever again.” He turned away before Jihoon could protest, and focused on the small figure by the wall. “And Minhyuk-hyung... please come, alright?”

Minhyuk lifted his eyes, smiled a little, “Of course.” 

~~

“So we’re going to the studio?” was the first thing Minhyuk said after they left the dorm. They were walking towards his car, and the shorter man did not even spare Jiho a glance to see if he was following him. Thankfully Yukwon decided to just sleep in the dorm, too full to move and too tired to walk to the elevator, even smacking Minhyuk’s hand when the other tried to get him up saying he would drive him home.

“You really don’t beat around the bush” Jiho said bitterly, but he did settle himself on the passenger’s seat. “I rented a temporary room near the studio.”

Which is why they don’t see you, Minhyuk thought sullenly. “Do you have things there?” he asked instead, starting up the car and hoping that he didn’t have to spell out everything to Jiho.

“No. But we can drop by the convenience store.”

Minhyuk regarded him for a minute. “I’ll buy. You stick out like a sore thumb.” 

The drive was the most silent the two of them have ever been on. It was true, what they said on TV, about all the members in Block B being close, so much so that even the awkward couple Taeil and Yukwon won’t be speechless in the presence of one another. There will always be something to talk about, something to do, and something to amuse themselves with. But ever since that first kiss their relationship had been strained, more for Jiho than for Minhyuk, because what Minhyuk could not comprehend he goes through like a dead fish, but Jiho never takes anything lying down. 

“Give me your hat” Minhyuk said after he pulled in to the parking space of the nearest store. Jiho handed him the white snapback wordlessly, and entertained himself by fixing his blond noodle hair in the front mirror. He looked at his face and wondered what compelled Minhyuk to drag him into a position like this, a position he was uncomfortable settling in to but felt had no choice but to accept. The video call from Sunhye-noona at the dinner table made Minhyuk even quieter, and Jaehyo was flashing him a look of concern. 

Kyung made sure the table was noisy, but even Taeil and Jihoon were stiff with one another. Jiho sighed and hoped that the trip to Los Angeles would get them as close as they were before. He made a mental note to instruct their manager to get them the most cramped hotel, so that they will remember what they were before, seven ugly dudes trying to make it. Oh how Jiho missed those times. He was not one to be sentimental, none of them were, but perhaps that was the problem. Unlike other groups they did not have any mom or dad roles in the group, hell even Jihoon was never treated like a maknae. He joked around as much as he could, as much as he did back in the day, but he knew that something had turned sour in their relationships. He had noticed Jaehyo and Kyung were closer than before, and Minhyuk seems to latch onto Kyung more these days, even Jihoon and Taeil seem closer to Kyung. Jiho should be happy, but he feels that Kyung is now doing his job as Block B’s leader, and it pains him to realize that yes, he had been gone too much for too long. 

They didn’t even eat together anymore, because Jiho always came home around three or four in the morning, sometimes even at eight, but he was always too tired to eat, or he had picked up rice balls in the convenience store. They see each other during dance practice, or in the studio when they recorded the re-mastered tracks, but it was always work. Some joking, some intimacy in front of the camera, but also a lot of tension. 

During dinner nobody dared to talk about the elephant in the room, mostly because it was the first time in a long time that they were together not because of work, and nobody wanted to spoil the evening, the first semblance of happiness they’ve shared in a long time. 

The sound of the driver’s door opening distracted Jiho’s thoughts. He sighed and waited for Minhyuk to start the car, but the latter was only staring at his steering wheel, a white plastic bag on his hand.

“Hyung, is something wrong?” Jiho asked at length, taking the bag from Minhyuk’s hands because he was frozen still. He rummaged through the bag and found exactly what he had feared. Plus, he was quick to note, a pack of cigarettes. He turned to scold his hyung, but found Minhyuk staring at him, biting his lower lip.

Jiho cleared his throat. “Since when did you smoke?”

“I don’t normally do this, but this isn’t normal” Minhyuk was saying, and Jiho thought he was referring to the cigarettes, “But you’re my friend, and this is your first time, so I think we should discuss who’s going to be what in bed.”

The cigarettes were quick to be forgotten, and Jiho turned deep red, from his ears to his cheeks right down to his neck. That last phrase had him sweating in a matter of seconds, his imagination running wild with images he can’t handle. “I, uh... whatever you think is best, hyung” he managed to croak.

Minhyuk blinked at him for a few seconds, and turned to the wheel. “Alright” he said and fastened his seat belt. 

Silence was all that was between them until they reached the hotel inn which was a three-minute walk to the studio. Minhyuk stood by the door awkwardly like an unwelcome relation, looking at what seemed like a hundred pairs of shoes Jiho had arranged neatly by type and color code. 

“Come in, hyung” Jiho had to prompt him. He had half-expected Minhyuk to kiss him roughly the minute they entered the door, and so it surprised him when the dancer just looked around timidly. Minhyuk nodded and started to take off his shoes.

“I’ll have to shower” Jiho said, the blush returning to his cheeks. “I didn’t have time earlier. But make yourself at home. If you want to change into something more comfortable, you are welcome to my closet” he added, taking note of his hyung’s tight-fitting jeans. Man or woman, he really can’t let go of the habit of looking at legs more than the face. He has to stop doing that with Minhyuk, because he can’t help but compare.

“Lend me a toothbrush” was Minhyuk’s reply, back turned towards him. “My breath smells like garlic.”

“Sure, hyung. Hotel toothbrush okay with you?”

“Yes” Minhyuk answered quietly. After he was done removing his shoes and placing them neatly on an empty spot in one of the shoe racks, he exhaled and entered Jiho’s bedroom. This is it, he said to himself. No going back. This was the most formal sex he had encountered in his life, not spontaneous at all, not that he had much experience, anyway. It was very similar to filming a porn video with a first-timer. But, he was quick to remind himself, this isn’t porn, this is Jiho... no, this was Zico of Block B... Zico whose tongue shut Verbal Jint quiet, who made Taeil cry in the recording studio (perhaps all of them to some extent), whose charisma had overturned Jaehyo’s pretty face. If Minhyuk weren’t Minhyuk he’d be too overwhelmed by his mere presence. He clutched at the plastic bag and wondered where his self-esteem had gone. He had never been in a situation that made him confront the gap between him and Zico. He is B-bomb, he is Minhyuk-god, with dimples that drown women in them and dance moves that would make you want to touch yourself. He reminded himself that, staring at his silhouette against the large flatscreen TV in front of the bed very similar to Kyung’s, making him remember their first kiss. He shook his head and willed himself to forget.

He tossed the bag on the glass table and settled himself on the sofa, before deciding he was too nervous to sit around. Everything in Jiho’s room was unsurprisingly neat and tidy, from papers, pens, books and CDs and laptop and speakers. Minhyuk rummaged through his closet, also unsurprisingly neat and tidy, from socks to underwear. He had a lot of clothes there for somebody claiming temporary residence. Hell it must’ve been a month or two already, judging by all his stuff, and Minhyuk didn’t even know. 

It was only when he caught his image in the full-length mirror that he noticed he was still wearing Jiho’s snapback. He quickly removed it and placed it on the bedside table, and smiled at the framed picture of Jiho’s mom. But then he frowned and turned the frame away. He can’t fuck Jiho with his mother watching, he’s not that perverse.

It felt like forever waiting for Jiho to finish showering. Minhyuk had gone through most of his things, even discovered the Hello Kitty merchandise he kept on the top shelf of a hidden cabinet which was disguised as a wall. There he also saw a framed picture of a smiling Yukwon, with his arm draped around Jiho. Minhyuk laughed a little.

“Hyung, you want to go next?” 

Thankfully he was not caught in the act of snooping around. “Why, do I smell?”

“No, no, don’t misunderstand. I know you showered after the live, I just...”

Minhyuk flashed him a smile. “Don’t worry, I was only teasing. Let me brush my teeth first?”

“Bathroom’s yours.”

But Minhyuk did more than brush his teeth in the bathroom. He mostly stared at the mirror contemplating his fate, remembering Kyung’s words and getting himself psyched. From what he had seen of Jiho when he opened the bathroom door, he would be enjoying himself tonight. He had seen enough gay videos in a month readying himself for what is to come, and even by porn standards, Jiho’s body was beautiful. It just pained Minhyuk that he has to look at his dongsaeng in a sexual way.

There was a knock on the door and a worried, “Hyung?” which made Minhyuk slap himself on the forehead. 

“Coming” he said and opened the door to find a concerned Jiho dressed in a white shirt and shorts. Minhyuk swallowed. 

“Are we... really doing this?” was Jiho’s innocent question.

“Not if you don’t want us to.”

“Then...” Jiho was stepping closer to him. He was too tall, too tall, Minhyuk mentally lamented. “I’m in your hands, hyung.”

“Sit on the bed, giant” Minhyuk instructed him. Jiho laughed and did as he was told. “I’m a giant in more ways than one.”

Minhyuk blushed, and swallowed again. “Then little David will ruin you. In more ways than one” he countered, again finding himself hoping Jiho knew what he meant. Jiho did not respond, or did not have time to, because Minhyuk was wrapping his arms around his neck, licking his lower lip and straddling his hips. As usual, Jiho responded enthusiastically. He opened his mouth and angled his head to make them both comfortable, even sucking Minhyuk’s tongue and caressing his back through the gray sweatshirt which was too fast too soon discarded on the floor. Jiho ran his hands through Minhyuk’s abs and licked his lips.

Minhyuk shivered, but not because of the cold. “Stick out your tongue” he managed to say in between raspy breaths. Jiho raised an eyebrow but did so, and found himself moaning and clutching on Minhyuk’s hair when the latter proceeded to suck his tongue, appearing and disappearing from Minhyuk’s mouth. Meanwhile, his hand travelled up Jiho’s torso, to his chest, to his neck, and settled on his earlobe, which Minhyuk took time to caressing the ridges, and Jiho had to pull Minhyuk’s hair to make him stop.

“What, you don’t like that?”

“Too... too much.”

The dancer grinned and without warning palmed Jiho’s crotch, which made him wince at the pressure. The cotton fiber did nothing to dispel the warmth of Minhyuk’s hand, and Jiho felt himself grow too fast too soon, the rate of what everything he and Minhyuk had been getting into. Jiho had to grab his hand off his erection, but Minhyuk seems to find other ways to titillate him, this time lazily running his tongue across Jiho’s jawline until he reached his earlobe, and focused his lips and tongue there, while his hand which was out of the rapper’s grip reached inside his shirt to play with a nipple. Minhyuk was good at multitasking, which overwhelmed Jiho, and he decided that he had to pace sex with him, because it was really too much for a beginner. Then Minhyuk was suddenly rubbing his lower body against Jiho, his own erection and perky ass grinding on top of him. 

“Mmmm hyung~” Jiho found himself whining, his expression pained. “Slow down.”

Minhyuk stopped, of course, but only to smile down at him. “Trust hyung, okay, Jiho? We’ll do this as slow as you want.” 

And it made Jiho wonder what his hyung’s definition of ‘slow’ is, because the next thing Jiho knew his shirt was sent flying to the floor, and Minhyuk left his lap only to tug down his shorts, but thankfully letting him keep his underwear when Jiho held on to the waistband, his eyes wide with fear. Minhyuk was gloriously shirtless, and he stood there looking at him for a moment and Jiho actually thought he was turned off by his prudish reactions if not for Minhyuk’s next words. “You weren’t joking about the giant” which made Jiho turn even redder. 

Minhyuk thought of just sucking Jiho off, and stopping there. But considering how long it took them to get to this stage, and with his self-esteem deflating every time he sees Jiho with other idols, he swallowed his mercy. So instead he spread Jiho’s legs and kneeled between them, earning a gasp from the younger when he realized what was about to happen. And before Jiho could protest Minhyuk’s lips were pressing on the remaining fabric, fingers digging on either of his thighs. Jiho’s head snapped back, shivering as he felt wetness through his underwear, which was soon yanked off from him. He couldn’t bring himself to look; he could only feel, but that made it even worse, and so he peeled one eye open to see soft lips taking in his length. All of it, even when there were tears in his eyes as it hit the back of his throat. Jiho had to stop him now, because the sensation was as new to him as it was pleasurable. Again... too much. Everything about this is too much. He straightened himself and pulled on Minhyuk’s hair again to stop him.

“My turn” he announced boldly, at which Minhyuk raised an eyebrow. “I learn fast. Now lie down.”

Minhyuk smirked but did as he was instructed. The smirk made Jiho angry, and he swore to himself he would do it as fast as he could rap. With that promise he tore at Minhyuk’s jeans, which earned him a frown, but he couldn’t care less as he swallowed his hyung’s half-hard cock. The heat and the throbbing and the skin were all alien sensations, but Minhyuk groaned loudly at every movement, and the sound shot through Jiho’s dick, so he kept going, sucking with his mouth, licking with his tongue, squeezing and twisting with his hand, just like he felt Minhyuk do a few seconds ago, until eventually the elder yelled at him to stop. 

“That’s it, time for my revenge” he said and pulled Jiho’s head up to kiss him. It was one smack on the lips until Jiho found himself being flipped on to his back. He was still surprised at how strong this frail-looking waif is. Then Minhyuk spread Jiho’s legs wider, his hands positioned under his thighs to lift them up, until one leg is resting on Minhyuk’s shoulder and the other resting on one of Minhyuk’s folded knees. 

“Hyung...” Jiho murmured in fear.

“Just so you know how to do it in the future. You’re a fast learner, right?” Minhyuk teased and reached for the plastic bag on the table. He produced a bottle and poured the contents on his fingers, and Jiho almost laughed when he smelled apples in the air. But his laugh was cut short when he felt the wet tip of a finger wriggling its way into his entrance. He winced at the cold and the discomfort, biting on his lip as the exploration of a foreign body inside him almost made him completely limp. Minhyuk was focusing on his finger, and Jiho frowned in displeasure, until a sudden movement made him jolt back and yell. “Fuck!” he shouted without much restraint, toes curling and neck tensing, but eventually his status in life caught up in his thoughts, and he covered his mouth with both hands when he felt another finger demanding entrance. By the time the third finger was in he was biting on his hand and tearing up so much Minhyuk had to pause and look at him.

“The fuck are you stopping now?” Jiho breathed, looking at him with blurry vision.

Jiho bumped his knee on Minhyuk’s head when he saw the dimple getting deeper. “You close?”

The rapper gave him an offended look. “Mind over body. Not... not without you, no.”

“It’s fine, you can come” Minhyuk replied, curling a finger again on the bundle of nerves. 

“Stop, stop!” Jiho admonished him, back lifting up the mattress as he turned his head to the side and bury his face on the pillow. 

“Okay, tell me when—”

“Hurry!” Jiho was demanding him with a muffled voice.

“I thought you said—”

“Stop touching me!”

“You know what, I don’t get you. Explain properly. What scarce vocabulary for a rapper” he teased, earning him Jiho’s foot on his face.

“Fine, fine, master” Minhyuk swatted his foot away. 

The liquid and the latex were rolling easily down the dancer’s length as if he had done it a hundred times before, which made Jiho feel both disturbed and relieved at the same time. He turned his face to the pillow again, clenching his teeth when he felt heat sliding slowly and tentatively inside of him, feeling himself coming apart, wondering why anybody would want to experience such pain, but was reminded of how good Minhyuk’s fingers had felt which stopped him from protesting and throwing the elder off his bed. Jiho bit his lip and prepared for the worst to come, but Minhyuk chose to pull out too soon without going all the way. Jiho whipped his head to a smirking Minhyuk and screamed, “Fuck you! If you don’t fuck me I’ll fuck you!”

And the smirk turned into a wide grin. Jiho will never be able to look at those dimples the same way ever again.

So when he felt the full length of that heat making its way to his very depths, Jiho wanted to regret his outburst. He did at first, as he dug his nails into the mattress in discomfort. Minhyuk had stopped again, but this time Jiho felt thankful he did.

“Tell me if I can move.”

Jiho felt something break. Maybe his spine, maybe his fingers, maybe his dignity. He does have high tolerance for pain, considering what he had gone through, but at least when he was on the operating table he had anaesthesia. After a few moments he felt the discomfort ease away as his body adjusted, so he grunted at Minhyuk to move, and the latter’s inquiry of “Are you sure?” was met with a cold stare.

So Minhyuk did as he was told, slowly at first, a little faster the second minute, alternating between fast and slow and watching the side of Jiho’s face for any sign of pain. As much as he told himself not to make a sound so he would not freak Jiho out any further, he couldn’t help the noise that escaped the back of his throat, because, damn, Jiho was tight, and it had been so long, too long, since he had been sucked in by such soft heat. And Jiho was quiet at first, but when Minhyuk adjusted him for the second time and had hit the spot where his fingers had been, his broken husky moans echoed in the room. He reached out for the pillow again to muffle his voice and cover his face, but Minhyuk had been quicker and tossed it to a corner. 

“Hyung, what the... what the fuck” Jiho still managed to reproach him. 

Minhyuk removed Jiho’s leg from his shoulder and wrapped it around his waist, only so he could bend down and murmur against his dongsaeng’s mouth, “I want to hear you, Jiho” which made said dongsaeng grip the sheets tighter. “You fucking bastard” Jiho was cursing at him again, but he had wrapped his arms around Minhyuk’s neck and gripped on his hair until his scalp hurt.

“Hyung if you don’t... if you don’t stop I’ll...”

“Come, come for me Jiho-yah...” 

Jiho groaned, and with the next thrust he screamed the last profane word he would say that night. Minhyuk followed him seconds later, but instead of a curse all he let out was a small whimper, and collapsed on top of Jiho, panting, not caring about the sticky substance that now clung to his stomach. 

“Are you... okay?” was the first thing Jiho said when he finally caught his breath, arms still draped around the other’s neck.

It was then that Minhyuk propped himself up to look at Jiho properly. “I should be the one asking you that. Are you okay, Jiho?” 

“Why are you even asking, you know already” he replied, diverting his face again to the side. “Now pull out, my hips are starting to hurt.”

“Sorry” Minhyuk apologized, startled. Then he stood up and headed straight to the bathroom. He took one of Jiho’s face towels and soaked it in warm water over the sink, first cleaning himself up and refusing to look at his face in the mirror. This is the part he hated the most. He rewashed the cloth and walked back to the bedroom, to find Jiho sitting on the edge of the bed, the damned pillow on his lap. He wouldn’t look at Minhyuk even though he knew he was drawing near, so Minhyuk naturally lost his will again and instead of cleaning Jiho up as he had planned he handed him the towel, which the latter accepted without a word.

Clearly Jiho didn’t want him to stick around, so Minhyuk started collecting his clothes and putting them on in lightning speed so he could make do with his earlier plan of screaming into the River Han. Whatever gave Kyung the idea that Jiho is in need of help, wait till he hears what happened. Or, on second thought, not. 

“See you at the airport, Zico” Minhyuk murmured without even looking at Jiho, and shut the door softly behind him.

~~

“Kyung, I’m depressed. Don’t smile or I’ll fucking kill you.”

“Depressed about what?”

“Well... it happened.”

“What happened?”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know!”

“Okay, okay, chill why don’t you. Why, is Jiho that bad?”

Whenever they have to talk about these things, Minhyuk always demanded Kyung they talk in his apartment. This was his haven, the place that holds all of his secrets, the only place where he felt he was not being watched, because he swears to God he hears people cluck their tongues at him for violating his innocent dongsaeng, twenty-two years of age but had shielded his purity from the clutches of evil, not until Minhyuk, son of the devil, came and took his purity away. By force. The thought always makes Minhyuk wretch at himself.

“What do you mean is Jiho that bad— for the fifth time, Kyung, why do you assume I’m the one who bites the pillow?”

“What, you’re smaller than Jiho.”

“Why is that a— never mind.”

“Then... were you that bad? Did Jiho kick you out of the bed because you kiss like a second-grader? Oh my God, are you so small he couldn’t feel you?”

Minhyuk looked at him in horror. “Of all the things you can worry about! Jiho is your best friend, right Kyung? Why are you more worried about whether my dick is small than the fact that he’s not a virgin anymore? I soiled him, Kyung, I tossed him to the pits of hell to be devoured by Satan’s babies!”

Of course, as anybody would, Kyung laughed at his dramatic expressions; coupled by the genuine pain in his face it was pure entertainment. “Calm down, hyung, what do you think of Jiho? Even Jihoon watches porn, you know.”

“He was so scared, and I didn’t stop” Minhyuk was not listening to him. 

“Did he have an orgasm?”

Minhyuk frowned and slapped his arm. “Be serious!”

“I am! That’s my only concern. I don’t care for the details, that’s just disgusting. But if Jiho had a good time why are you freaking out?”

“You’re such a bad friend.”

“Hyung, I’m serious. He’s starting to laugh again, hang out with us again. You’d be lying if you tell me it had nothing to do with you.”

Kyung is nothing if not persuasive. “Fine, he may be laughing now, but what happens if he finds out this is all a set up?”

“Who’s going to tell him? Can you? Because I definitely can’t.”

And with that Minhyuk has nothing further to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T.T never again. It was a struggle writing this (why do some writers make it look so easy?). 
> 
> Thanks for your patience, again.


	9. Confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The timeline is fast-forwarded, so please don't be confused with the schedules. And, I'm not promoting any establishment, okay? :D

The thirteen-hour flight to Los Angeles was more awkward than the one hundred thirty odd hours Minhyuk and Jiho shared in the dance studio. Turns out, they had to practice. He had hoped to avoid the rapper until he could figure out what to do next, because Kyung was useless and he doubts that Taeil would be able to handle the shock; these are the times he wished to be able to lean on an older brother, and although Repter is as close as he could get to one there’s no telling how he will react. Love has boundaries, experience had taught him, and he is quite afraid to test the limits.

Jiho kept ignoring him, as if the space around Minhyuk was vile poison and it would hurt his eyes just looking at it. Minhyuk, on the other hand, was looking at him all the time, mostly because of guilt. Out of all of them Jiho needs protection the least, and listening to his mixtapes made Minhyuk grow afraid of him. But his conscience stays up all night and would not consent to give him a moment’s respite. 

After a week of being totally ignored by his dongsaeng, Minhyuk resolved to do something, anything, to make up for his mistakes. So he started buying Jiho electrolyte water, slipping multivitamins and pain relievers in his bag when he’s not looking, bringing him a fresh towel when his was soaked, and rushing to stretch his muscles when Jiho complains of feeling a little cramped, and buying everyone food at two in the morning on the dot, making reservations beforehand. Everybody was eyeing him suspiciously. Everybody, including the staff, but he could care less for their suspicions, because the object of his actions just accepted everything without a word, without so much as a glance, because that’s apparently how he responds to everything Minhyuk does to him and for him, even though prior information predicted Minhyuk being punched in the face his first try.

Perhaps his hard work was bearing fruit, because a few days later, Kyung told him over lunch during a photoshoot that Jiho moved back to the dorm, hauling all his things in, and Jihoon and Taeil had been overjoyed, so overjoyed that Jihoon cooked them a three-course meal and even managed to get Taeil-hyung to help. “So it’s either the sex is really good or really bad” the cucumberhead teased him, grinning. Coupled with a good news is a bad news, though, because Jiho had regressed to his earlier habits of harassing Jaehyo, maybe much worse than before, so much so that Minhyuk had built enough courage (and pity) to drag Jiho into the backseat of his car after practice and kiss him again. 

To his surprise Jiho was responsive. He was kissing back eagerly, slipping his hands past the waistband of Minhyuk’s underwear and clawing at the skin, moaning with every flick of Minhyuk’s tongue, every nibble on his lip, every movement of slender fingers across his throat, and when Minhyuk broke the kiss to catch some air Jiho latched his mouth on his hyung’s neck and began licking and sucking on the space between his ear and his jaw, causing Minhyuk to moan. “Mmmm... why are you being like this?”

“I don’t know” Jiho mouthed against the lobe of his ear. “It’s your fault. I hate you.”

Minhyuk chuckled. “They say that once you start to become sexually active, it’s hard to stop.”

“What genius. Now maybe you should stop talking and take me again.”

His low voice reverberated in Minhyuk’s spine, and he shuddered, “What? Here? Now?” He looked down at him in both wonder and panic. He suddenly remembered Kyung’s ‘care package’, shoved carelessly in his glove compartment.

“I’ll clean your car if we get it too dirty.”

“I’m not worried about that. But you’re noisy; not that I don’t like it but somebody might hear us. Or see the car moving, I don’t know.”

“Then where?” he groaned, “I moved back in the dorm and your apartment is too far away. I’ll die before we get there.” Every word that comes out of Jiho’s mouth at this moment was a shock to Minhyuk. He almost found it hard to believe it was Woo Jiho in front of him.

“Why’d you go back, anyway?” was the only response he could think of.

Jiho was thoughtful for a moment, but then he scrunched up his face and whined, “Who cares? If you don’t want us to do it here, hurry up and drive. This is your fault. I can’t concentrate on work, I can’t concentrate on the dance, hyung I’m turning into an animal. Just eight days, eight fucking short days and I can’t control myself. Is this even normal?”

“You mean, you haven’t touched yourself since...?”

Jiho’s face turned sour. “Okay, fine, I’m the one who’s not normal. I don’t want to start because once I start I know I won’t be able to stop. It’s a waste of time and I’d rather work. And I worked until I collapsed and they had to rush me to the hospital—”

“And once again you didn’t tell us” Minhyuk was looking at him sternly.

“That’s not my point. And even when I was lying on the hospital bed I—”

“Why in the world would you not tell us?”

“It’s not that important, okay? It’s just... when I’m hit with a rush of inspiration I just have to work or else I’ll forget. Once you stop the momentum it’s gone, you know, I’m just like that. It’s a normal occurrence, so don’t be too surprised. Hyung, you know me. It’s fine, I have people there looking out for me anyway.”

“No. Jiho.” Minhyuk cupped his face with his hands. “It doesn’t matter how normal it is. When you start to feel tired call us. If you’re hungry, or you need water, or you feel faint, whatever. Call. Okay?”

“No I can—”

“Because if you don’t I’ll tell your mother what you have been up to, and I’ll make her camp in the studio and in the dorm and everywhere we go, have her bring all your baby pictures and tell stories about your childhood. And I’ll even call Jiseok-hyung and watch you die in embarrassment.”

Jiho was looking at him open-mouthed. Two months ago, Minhyuk would never dare say these things to their leader. But Kyung was right. Compared to the other hundreds of idols surrounding Zico, any member in Block B could demand things from him and he would have to do them.

“Fine” Jiho rolled his eyes. “But when I’m hungry, you would drop anything you’re doing and get me food.”

“Don’t kid yourself. There are seven members in Block B. Don’t disturb me when I’m in the spa getting a massage or when I’m practicing.”

Jiho crossed his arms and looked up at him in mock anger. “All this talk about food got me hungry.”

“What, you just ate!”

“Hyung~ feed me or fuck me, why can’t you do either one?”

Minhyuk’s hands dropped to his sides limply, mouth agape. He shook his head in disbelief, and climbed over to the driver’s seat, agile as a cat. “I’ll do both” he said when his back was turned to Jiho. He can’t accept any of these, none of these is true. It’s too wild to even be a dream. Seriously, Jiho is the type of person nobody can figure out, not even when you live with him in close quarters for three years or share the same moldy dance basement. His personality is just too diverse, or, let’s say, broad, and you never know which persona he is one moment to the next.

When Jiho had his fill of the largest serving of bulgogi and a refill of kimchi and potatoes and water crest, he smiled and burped. Minhyuk watched him for the whole duration of his gluttony with parted lips and surprised eyes.

“Are you satisfied now? You just cost me ten thousand won.”

Jiho grinned, patting his belly and yawning. “Take me home, I wanna sleep.”

“You know what, I should’ve just accepted your first offer, it would have cost me less.”

“Your loss” Jiho replied, tossing his head back against the ridges of the wooden chair, and all Minhyuk could see was his chin and his throat and the delicate skin that peeped from the collar of his shirt.

“Is this my punishment?”

The younger laughed, nodding.

Minhyuk stood up from his chair and walked over to Jiho to pull at his arms. No dirty thoughts tonight, Lee Minhyuk-hyung, he reminded himself. “Come on, my apartment is just across the street.”

“I’m too tired to—”

“I know. But it’s late and you need to shower and you need to sleep.”

Later, when Minhyuk was tucking him in bed after forcing him to wash himself and brush his teeth, a feeling of dread crept up to his spine and made him shiver. This Jiho, this one he has never known in the five years of its existence, was making it difficult for him to fulfil his end of the bargain. He thought it would be fun, bringing him down a notch while at the same time satisfying his craving for Yukwon. In the end he felt like he had been played in the palm of Park Kyung’s hands, because there was no way Park Kyung didn’t know that Jiho was actually like this. He would confront that smug son of a bitch tomorrow, he thought, tomorrow...

When tomorrow rolled around in the first crack of dawn, Jiho was nowhere to be found. The comforter he used to cover Jiho was now securely wrapped around him, but other than that there were no signs of Jiho having been there as Minhyuk forced himself off the couch, looking at the smoothed out bed sheets. Well. There were a few other signs. Somebody had turned off the TV, rinsed the glass of water he remembers putting on the table, and left it to dry on the rack.

What Minhyuk didn’t count on was that last night was the last time Jiho would ever talk to him, or look at him properly. Not for another whole week. Kyung had asked him in a harsh tone, “What again?” and really, there was nothing Minhyuk could say but, “Hell if I know.”

On the plane ride to California, a few days after, he had his chance to corner Jiho.

He was sandwiched between Jiho and Jaehyo, which was supposed to be Taeil’s seat, but the eldest member wordlessly grabbed his ticket and gave him his, and when he started to protest the small eyes just looked at him sharply and mumbled, “Thanks”. He stood there open-mouth with a ticket labelled ‘Lee Taeil’ until he saw how Jihoon’s face lighted up when Taeil sat beside him and he sighed, because the two had been fighting since forever but nobody knows why.

“Why are you here?” came Jiho’s annoyed question when Minhyuk was putting his bag inside the carrier of the wrong side of the plane.

“I don’t know, ask Taeil-hyung” he mumbled while rolling his eyes and positioning himself against the two Goliaths of their team. “Move, Jaehyo” he said, pushing flower boy’s legs over to the side. 

No other words were spoken as they lifted up the air, not until it was safe to unbuckle their seatbelts and Jiho almost jumped out of his seat and headed to the bathroom. He stayed there two songs into Minhyuk’s I-pod until Jaehyo also stood up and started knocking on the bathroom door. “Hurry up, Jiho, I’m about to go” he said, banging loudly on the door until one of the flight attendants told him to keep it low, some of the passengers are sleeping. 

An annoyed Jiho emerged from the bathroom, and they exchanged short heated mumbles by the door until Jaehyo shoved the younger one away and Jiho had no choice but to get back to his seat. Minhyuk just stared at him quietly shuffle back, avoiding his hyung’s gaze, and Minhyuk rolled his eyes again and continued to ignore him, scrolling down his I-pod to look for suitable songs. Jaehyo, he noted, was taking his damn sweet time. Jiho may have also noticed this, because he again unbuckled his seat belt and was about to stand up, but Minhyuk had had enough and grabbed the hem of his shirt to pull him back down, while his other hand removed the plugs from his ears. 

“Are you planning on occupying the bathroom for two hours just to avoid me?” he whispered against Jiho’s ear, worried that somebody might hear them. They were riding first class, which was spacious enough, but you couldn’t be too sure.

Jiho ducked his head away, not looking at him. “I just had a lot to drink.”

“Jiho, we both know what this is about.”

At that, the rapper’s fortune-teller eyes settled at him menacingly. “Oh no you don’t.”

Minhyuk narrowed his eyes. “Well you seemed okay with it, but clearly I forced myself on you so... I’m sorry. I should have said this a long time ago, but—”

“Hyung! See, you don’t know” he half-screamed, half whispered, and violently tore himself away from Minhyuk’s grasp, went straight to Kyung’s seat and shook his sleeping best friend by the shoulder. “Let’s change seats, and I will be your slave for a month.”

Kyung groaned. “Go away, asshole.”

“Kyung!”

Yukwon pulled up his eyemask. “Wanna sit here, Jiho?”

“I, uh...” I’d rather die than have you sit anywhere near Minhyuk, was the first thought that popped into Jiho’s mind. “No. I’ll go away, sorry for disturbing your sleep, hyung.”

“It’s not a big deal. I can—”

Oh, that kindness. It never fails to make Jiho feel light-headed. But... “Hyung, no, I wanted to sit beside you, because Jaehyo-hyung snores, and Kyung snores, and Jihoon doesn’t sleep.”

Yukwon grinned at him. “Then I’ll exchange seats with Jaehyo-hyung. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. Right, hyung?” he turned to look at their seats only to find that Jaehyo isn’t there, but a glaring Minhyuk was, and he looked deadly. “Oh. Where’d he go?”

“Bathroom” Jiho murmured, caught. It’s good that Yukwon has such a gentle and unadulterated mind, so he didn’t see anything suspicious. 

“Sit your ass back down, Zico-ssi” Minhyuk looked at him with meaning. Jiho turned around and found people staring at him. He was glad they were in business class, and none or only a few had heard of them, or knew of them, and those who do had lots of other more important things to do that gossip about celebrity. 

So Jiho did as he was told, and heaved a sigh of relief when Minhyuk put his earphones back on, and didn’t talk to him for the rest of the flight.

~~

What really angers Kyung with all of this Jiho business, was that the person in question had never approached him, never talked to him, and went on his merry way bothering other people who actually have less tolerance for his lack of self-restraint. Kyung had been waiting for him for weeks to talk about Minhyuk, but apparently best friend Jiho trusts Jaehyo-hyung more, and that fact left a bitter taste on Kyung’s mouth. 

It was another slap on the face when Jiho chose to room with said Jaehyo-hyung, leaving Kyung with the manager, Minhyuk with Jihoon, and Taeil with Yukwon. With the way that everyone grumbled, including the manager, one can correctly deduce that only Jiho was happy with that set-up. And when Jiho put his arms around Jaehyo Kyung felt something inside of him snap. 

“Woo Jiho!” he said loudly, at least loud enough that those within ten feet radius could hear him. They were in the lobby of the hotel, so some eyes were following their movements.

Jiho turned his head to look at him, one hand carrying a small travel bag and the other around Jaehyo’s waist. Kyung did not imagine the scowl that grew on Jiho’s features when their eyes met. “What?”

“If you don’t room with me I’m going to scream right here.”

The scowl drained into shock, arm around Jaehyo loosening as he made his way to the tantrum-prone kid he dearly loved. “Kyung—”

“You know I will.”

“Kyung don’t act like a—”

“Aaaah—” 

Jiho was quick to muffle the scream with his hands. “Okay, okay, you’re with me. You’re with me.” He withdrew his hands when he felt Kyung grin against his palm, and the scowl returned. “You didn’t have to do that, idiot.”

Kyung continued to bother him while he was unpacking his clothes, perfectly happy sitting at the edge of his bed and swinging his feet to and fro. “You know, I’ve always wanted to visit a strip club.”

"Go ahead, but if they recognize you I’ll kill you before anybody else does.”

"Then let's go to a gay bar, I'll be an excellent wingman."

"You can't speak a word of English, and I'm not that desperate."

“You know what, they say the serving of fries and burgers are way bigger here in America than in Korea. I want to go to McDonald's and see.”

“They have delivery services.”

“I said, I want to go to McDonald's and see.”

“Ask the manager.”

"He's worse than you in speaking English."  


All the time Jiho was working with his back towards him, taking out his costumes and hanging them in the closet, palming his shirts and jeans straight and hanging them on the rack, placing his face creams (day and night, and BB cream) on the vanity mirror. Kyung did not lift a finger since he settled on the mattress. “We have a fansign event in an hour.”

Kyung sighed. “Fine, I’ll get out of your hair.”

Jiho thought he was finally going to unpack, because he was tugging his abandoned luggage on the carpet, the one he just flung inside without care, and propping it upright. To his surprise, Kyung dragged it to the direction of the door. “What are you doing?”

“Getting out of your hair” he replied innocently, turning the knob.

“Kyung, come on” he sighed in exasperation.

“You’re tired, I know. You’ll grow even more tired having me here, so I’ll call Jaehyo-hyung. Or one of the cleaner dudes, take a pick between Minhyuk-hyung and Minhyuk-hyung. Oh, wait.”

“I’ll take you to McDonald's after the fansign, okay? Get back here and unpack.”

Kyung’s hand left the knob, but he wasn’t smiling. Jiho waited for him to talk. “I’m your best friend, right, Jiho?”

“What...” Jiho was about to protest about how emotional Kyung was, but seeing how the rapper’s face was stone-cold serious, he opted to give a straight answer. “You are, Kyung, you are.”

“So that means if something’s going on, I notice it. You know that, right, Jiho?”

Jiho blushed, angry at himself for again being obvious about Minhyuk. “Yes” he said quietly.

“I don’t know exactly what’s wrong...” Jiho breathed a sigh of relief. Kyung continued, “... but I know that something’s troubling you, and I tried to respect your privacy and not ask anything about it. But you know that out of all the people in the world, you can trust me, right, Jiho?”

Kyung was clearly stressed about it, so Jiho nodded. Maybe Kyung was safe, yes, but right now Jiho feels nothing but humiliation, and Kyung may be greasy but he still wanted his respect. If he could not have his love as a lover at least he’d have his love as a friend. “When I’m ready, I’ll tell you. Right now I just feel so... overwhelmed.”

And Jiho was only able to breathe when Kyung smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took too long. It's been sitting forever on my desktop, but it's hard to take off from the previous chapter. Feedback of any form would really help me, though :) Thank you~


	10. Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited version! If you read the earlier one, please scroll to the bottom of the page.

It was true, what Minhyuk had said to Jiho in the backseat of his car while the younger boy writhed beneath him begging to be taken. The problem is, Minhyuk’s body acknowledges that fact more than Jiho, as he glared at the rapper talking animatedly with a fan and holding out his hand to intertwine fingers with the laughing girl. A week of being totally ignored without a single clue as to why, when Minhyuk had been nice enough to buy him a hot meal and tuck him in bed. Whatever this is, he doesn’t deserve this, doesn’t deserve the way he remembers every husky, desperate moan breathed into his mouth, how long, clumsy fingers tried so hard to look experienced pressing up against his hips, how shy eyes darted to the side in hiding. 

Meanwhile, the girl in front of him started to show fear when she saw how deep Minhyuk’s scowl is, and asked him in a shaky voice if anything’s wrong. Minhyuk snapped out from his thoughts and flashed her a dimpled smile. He has got to control himself.

Which was hard to do, the way Jiho completely ignored him in favour of Kyung, and even when Minhyuk shoved Jihoon so that he would sit next to the rapper in the van, he was still completely and utterly invisible in the younger boy’s eyes. The silence engulfed him, but thankfully Jihoon was chipper again and the whole van bounced with the excited way he shared funny encounters with his fans. 

Minhyuk sighed. Thankfully the van stopped, and he motioned Jihoon to move his limbs so he could pass through. “Let me pass, giant” he said without heat, and he could feel everybody look at him in surprise.

“Where are you going?” Jaehyo said at length when he was about to exit the van.

“Dance studio. Anybody wanna come?”

“Are you serious? I’m so tired and hungry I could die, but you want to go practice?”

He shrugged, tugging on the strap of his sports bag. “Well... there’s a reason you always say you’re the oldest, Jaehyo” he quipped, which earned him a shoe on his chest.

“Hyung, let’s go eat first, please? Then I’ll come with you” Jihoon called after him.

“I’m fine, alright? I ate my fill in the plane. Don’t worry” he said, patting the maknae’s knee. “When you’re done come find me. And Kwonnie” he said, shifting his gaze to the wide pair of eyes contemplating going after him because he can’t slack off in front of his dance competitor, “Come after you’re done eating. I have an additional move for our duet.” With that, he lifted a hand in goodbye and closed the door.

It wasn’t after a few seconds that he heard the door slide open, and when he turned he saw Jiho half-running towards him with a frown on his face. “You know” he huffed, already running out of breath for such a short distance. “Don’t sacrifice your health just so you can avoid me.”

Minhyuk raised an eyebrow, tilted his head to the left. “Not everything I do is about you, kiddo, don’t be arrogant.” He couldn’t help the tinge of anger in his voice.

Jiho’s eyes went wide in embarrassment, but he showed no indication of it in his voice. “Alright. As long as we’re clear. Whatever we are, I don’t want it affecting the group, alright, hyung? I’m still your Zico.”

Your Zico, Minhyuk smirked, if only that were the case. “Yes, leader-nim, I know. I just want to sing every line even while dancing, and I’m almost there.” 

Jiho smiled at him, although briefly, and turned to run towards the van.

Asshole. Remind him again who was avoiding who in a thirteen-hour flight. Though, he did not have time to mull over that fact, because if he didn’t start dancing now he would forget the momentary move that flashed on his brain while he was looking absentmindedly at some street performers they passed by on their way to the fan sign.

It was about an hour and a half before Minhyuk was interrupted from his tumbling. It wasn’t a move they usually make, but it was time to up the ante, what with the younger groups coming up with complicated dance moves that make him jealous and itching to try it on stage. He loved the way the air feels when he turns, loved how breathless each move makes him, how he could close his eyes and let fate handle the rest. He was making the most dangerous moves and the danger makes him concentrate, and he always loved it when his mind is so engrossed with one thing he blocks out all the others. Maybe this is what Jiho feels, holed up in his studio until the room stank of instant ramen and cheap vending machine coffee. Jiho...

Minhyuk feels himself falling on the ground with a thud, landing on his arm. He winced in pain and felt a pair of hands shifting him up. “Hyung, are you okay?”

“Obviously not, idiot” he retorted, eyes closed shut from the sudden impact. He recognized the voice as Jihoon’s.

“Shall I call 911? I always wanted to try that.”

“Is this the time to play out your childhood fantasies, Jihoonie?” he retorted, forcing himself up and rolling his shoulder blades to check for any damage. “You have three porn clips of police officers, do guns and batons really excite you?”

“Hyung!” Jihoon smacked his injured arm on reflex, face turning as red as his hair.

“Ow!” Minhyuk yelped. “Are you really trying to kill me?”

“Here I am worrying over your health and you have the nerve to tease me!” he scolded the older man, crossing his arms across his chest and towering over Minhyuk. “And! And you admit to snooping around my computer, how dare you!”

“That’s your hyung looking after you, you pervert” he said with a laugh while massaging his bicep and running to the edge of the studio. “You don’t know the good stuff.”

“So that was you!” Jihoon was screaming now, running after Minhyuk and the latter laughing and skilfully dodging the maknae’s grasp with a few twists and turns.

Their activity was cut short by the opening of the door, and there emerged a surprised Yukwon with his parted lips and his black snapback, an oversized white wifebeater that hangs low on his chest and loose black shorts that fell two inches short of his knees. He smiled, dragging along with him a sports bag similar to Minhyuk’s. “Aren’t you having fun?”

Minhyuk swallowed first before answering, but feels his voice stuck to his throat.

It was Jihoon who was able to talk. “Hyuuung~ Minnie-hyung downloads Japanese porn!”

Minhyuk gasps, and Yukwon coughs at his hand, both of them turning red although for different reasons. “You heathen! How dare you destroy my image! And what’s with Minnie-hyung?”

They were running around again, Yukwon sighing and putting down his bag on the chair proceeding to stretch and ignore the two banter about each other’s barbarity. That is, until the door opened again and Jihoon collided against Jiho and Minhyuk could swear he heard a crack somewhere. He hurried towards the tangle of long limbs like everyone else, asking the two giants of their team if they were alright. 

“Karma!” Minhyuk shouted in glee when the manager declared that no bones were broken.

And he may have been drenched in sweat for dancing almost nonstop, but Minhyuk’s reflexes were not to be trifled with. He saw something being thrown with force his way and he caught it with both hands. Fried dumplings and a power bar. He raised an eyebrow at the one who threw him a paper bag. 

“Leftovers” Jiho replied with a snort. “Eat, hyung.”

He didn’t mean to, but Minhyuk grinned at him like a child. “Awww... leader-nim, thank you” he cooed at him with a mocking tone. He had never been playful, he left that job up to Jiho and Jihoon, and Kyung, in some instances. But if Jiho had a hidden self then what’s to stop him from having one.

“That’s Jiho to you” the younger boy replied cryptically, shirking off his sweatshirt and folding it neatly on the bench. Minhyuk could only look at him in wonder. “Taeil-hyung, stretch, come on” he was saying before Minhyuk could say a word. “Kwonnie-hyung, show us that foot work for the chorus of Very Good again, I suddenly can’t remember it.”

Minhyuk rolled his eyes and began nibbling at the dumplings, proceeding to occupy the space Taeil had vacated as he groaned to change his clothes. He smelled strong musk and a warm body press against his side, and he rolled his eyes again. “Go stretch, or you wanna get scolded by that ogre?”

Kyung flashed him a toothy smile. “I can do nothing wrong in his eyes” he replied with a wink. “Anyway, he insisted that we drop by the convenience store to buy you a power bar. And he’s too embarrassed, but he also bought you Gatorade. It’s in his bag.”

The older boy stared at him for a full minute, before he rolled his eyes again and continued to chew. He swears, by the end of the day his eyes would rotate to the back of his head with all the eye rolls he had made since they landed. “A responsible leader-nim. I distinctly remember him doing the same for Jaehyo. And you. And Jihoon. And—”

“I’m just saying” Kyung interrupted him with a frown. “That tonight, I will drag the manager to McDonald’s. And we will chat for like, two hours, and we’ll also get lost. I will make sure of that.”

“So?” So of course Minhyuk knew what that meant, but sex with Jiho wasn’t particularly... let’s just say that it was hot but it’s one of the things he dreads to repeat, right next to accepting that dare of eating a whole starfish by himself in China. It was established that he could eat anything but God, the creature tasted like sand in his mouth. He enjoyed the fried scorpions better, they were crunchy and left a strong flavour in his mouth.

But a word battle with Kyung is not easily won. “So whip up that monster you keep between your legs and thrust, thrust, thrust” he said while pumping his hips up and Minhyuk threw him out of the bench and into the floor with a horrified look in his face. Thankfully nobody saw the action.

True to his word, while everybody collapsed inside their apartments, he heard Kyung telling Jiho that he really craves McDonald’s right now, and he’s taking the manager with him, and the manager groaned but Kyung produced a small notebook from his back pocket and suddenly the groan was pulled into a quick halt. “But I promised to take you” Jiho protested, and Kyung replied, “Tomorrow. Before we leave. I know you’re tired, okay?” The best friend would not relent though, “I’m not tired, why are you underestimating me now?” to which Kyung admonished him, “Darling, I still love you. Now go back to bed.”

Minhyuk leaned against the doorframe of Yukwon and Taeil’s room, because he can’t actually pass through with all this commotion. He cleared his throat when he noticed that the three did not actually know he was there. “Let me through?”

Kyung took the distraction to drag the manager away. “Later, losers” he said with a wave and the surprisingly meek manager let himself be dragged along.

Jiho sighed and was about to retreat to his room when Minhyuk made a dash for it and gripped his wrist before he could disappear and continue ignoring him for another week. “Thanks, earlier.”

All he was rewarded was a brief glance. “It’s my job to look after you.”

“Yeah” Minhyuk chuckled, trying to build up the courage to ask something he had been meaning to ask for a few weeks now.

“Hyung?” Jiho asked, looking at his wrist and back up to Minhyuk.

“I have a favour to ask” he was suddenly blurting.

Jiho huffed out a breath. “If this is about... I’m too tired” was his short answer.

“No, no... I, uh... two weeks ago, I recorded a song?” It wasn’t a question, but hell, he has never really tried composing and here he is in front of the tiger who pounces on musical disasters and tells him he has a lot to improve on. Minhyuk wasn’t sure he’s prepared to be shredded into pieces, considering that he has shrunk so small since after kissing Jiho.

But tiger Jiho was beaming at him. “You did? How could you... why didn’t you tell me?”

Because you’ll eat me alive? “Well I rented a studio near my place. I have always wanted to try, since now I think I’m familiarized with the members’ voices. I mean, there are no rap parts, but I do have a beat that just popped inside my head one time, and I thought I should try it. I don’t know if it’s similar with any beat, if it’s something I’ve heard of before or what...”

“Let me hear it then!” Jiho was saying excitedly, and he pressed the card key to the scanner and dragged Minhyuk inside. The cold air from the air conditioner made him shiver. “Come, come, hyung don’t be shy; there’s always something to be salvaged if it turns out to be a disaster.”

Minhyuk glared at him. “Yes, please be encouraging.”

“I’m kidding!” he said with a laugh.

Well... even if it turns out to be a disaster Minhyuk thinks he wouldn’t mind, not when he was able to make Jiho laugh and smile like that. So he wordlessly handed him his I-phone, attached to a white pair of earbuds and refused to sit down because he was still too nervous and he’d rather not deal with the smile disappearing from Jiho’s face. He chose to sit rigidly on Kyung’s bed and stare at the floor, not attempting to move.

“Hyung...” he heard Jiho say at length.

Minhyuk slowly peered at him through his eyelashes, heart thumping in its maximum speed. He felt as giddy as he was the first time he had auditioned. But Jiho’s face was passive. God, that was even worse. “Yeah I’m sorry. Don’t tell Kyung about this” he was saying while standing up in lightning speed and snatching his phone from Jiho. He would have made it to the door if only his legs weren’t shorter than Jiho’s because now he was being spun around in a tight hug and really, in Jiho’s presence he feels so small. 

“Hyung that was... that was so sad...”

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s pathetic, but I—”

“I mean... it’s still a little rough and we need to polish the arrangement and the instruments but the melody is perfect and the lyrics...” Jiho sighed on his neck, and Minhyuk was slowly understanding what he meant with the word ‘sad’. “... hyung it would be perfect for an intro track, and I think it’s better if the vocal line perform it alone. And you helped me think of our next concept.”

Minhyuk felt something warm spread across his chest. But this, this here with Jiho hugging him, was getting awkward. “Why are you hugging me? Are you crying?”

Jiho pushed him away suddenly but with his hands still gripping his hyung’s biceps. He looked indignant. “Are you kidding me? It would take more than that to rattle Master Zico. Don’t get ahead of yourself, hyung, you still have a lot to learn.”

The smaller man gave him an even smaller smile. “Jiho I... thank you.”

“For what? You’re the one I should be thanking.”

“Are you an idiot? Your opinion matters a lot to me, at least when it comes to—”

But Minhyuk’s words were again cut off with the warmth that is Jiho’s lips. That was the first time in a long time he had ever initiated a kiss, and it was just a simple press, but Minhyuk was discarding his sports bag on the floor and running his thumb against Jiho’s lower lip until they parted slightly. Minhyuk pulled him closer by circling an arm around his waist until their bodies are flush against each other, and he inched their faces together but only kept staring at Jiho’s lips, not attempting to kiss him, waiting for Jiho to be the one to lean down and continue the kiss. 

This was even agonizingly slower than before, with Jiho running two fingers to caress Minhyuk’s temple down to his cheek so unhurriedly, his eyes following the trail of his fingers, until they settled on his chin and he tilted Minyuk’s face up to meet his lips, before he finally claimed the heat he had been pining after for days. And really, Jiho has never imagined something so soft, or, as he ran his tongue across Minhyuk’s bottom lip, something so sweet. He tasted like chicken dumplings and smelled like coke, but all of these go unnoticed when he pressed the kiss deeper and all he can think of is how pliant Minhyuk’s tongue is against his own. Or how deep his voice is when he moaned against his mouth, the way his other hand pressed against Jiho’s back in an attempt to draw him closer, as if that was possible.

When they pulled apart to catch their breaths, Minhyuk eased his hold on him, eyes looking up expectantly. Jiho stared back, doing nothing. It wasn’t too long ago when he promised himself to stop this, whatever this is, because no matter how good it felt during, he dreaded the feelings of resentment that would flood him after Minhyuk had left. But now there was a hand dragging down his white cotton shirt, down his leather belt, and down to the zipper of his jeans, and stopped. He had been following the movement of those slender fingers with his eyes, and when they suddenly paused he found himself looking at Minhyuk. And he shouldn’t have, if he wanted to put an end to this, because Minhyuk’s pupils were dark and dilated, his cheeks flushed with heat, his lips parted and swollen and all of that together did magic on Jiho’s cock. 

So Jiho’s resolve melted in the heat of Minhyuk’s hand, which he took and pressed against the straining fabric of his jeans, earning him a cry of satisfaction from the dancer’s sinful lips. “Maybe it’s time for you to take me, huh?” And before the meaning of those words could register into Jiho’s brain he felt the hand leave his grip to deftly unbuckle his belt, undo the button of his jeans and pull down the zipper in under five seconds. “Next time, do us a favour and don’t wear jeans.”

“This isn’t exactly planned” he breathed into Minhyuk’s ear.

“Then you’re banned from wearing belts”

Jiho was kissing his neck lightly, as the fingers slipped inside the band of his briefs and started stroking his length, lightly at first but growing in speed the more Jiho licked and sucked on his earlobe. “Slow down, you’re always in a hurry” he murmured but Minhyuk would not relent. As revenge, Jiho quickly reached his hand inside Minhyuk’s gym pants and began stroking as fast as Minhyuk is, slowing down only when the latter also slowed down. “You’re cruel” Minhyuk whimpered against his lips, crying out even more when Jiho pressed his thumb over the slit and blew warm air on his ear. Minhyuk instantly brought his arm around Jiho’s neck for support, reduced into a trembling mass of jelly. “Cruel, really cruel.”

“You’re worse, hyung” he replied and pushed Minhyuk down on the bed, on Kyung’s bed, but who cares right now he’d just ask them to switch later on, and if he won’t concede then that’s his problem. Because now Minhyuk was staring up at him through his lashes and licking his bottom lip, his hands reaching on the hem of Jiho’s shirt and tugging it off him, the offending jeans also being tugged down in enthusiasm along with his underwear. And Minhyuk was pushing himself further across the bed until his back hit the wall, his head leaning back against the glass window, his legs spread wide and his hand moving down to squeeze his own erection. “Jiho... hurry” he sobbed. And Jiho has never been more turned on in his life.

But then realization hit Jiho again and as much as he wanted to hurry, he also knew they have a concert tomorrow, and he can’t do any damage. “Hyung, I don’t have anything... here.” The conversation was like a déjà vu. He was naked but of course he had to be responsible enough to think, he’s the leader. 

Minhyuk laughed, remembering the same exact conversation they have had months ago. “Then you’d be pleased to know there are lots of things we can still do. If you want” he added, noting Jiho’s hesitation. “If you don’t you can just watch me jerk off, because I’m not leaving this room in this state.”

“Oh God” Jiho breathed and almost jumped into the bed. And they were kissing again, but it was brief, because Jiho was pulling away after some seconds to fling Minhyuk’s clothes off of him. The other responded by lying down properly on the bed, head against the pillow and saying “Come on, come on” as if he was going to combust if Jiho did not touch him. He put two fingers in Jiho’s mouth and he sucked and slavered over them thinking it was one of Minhyuk’s kinks, until the fingers were being pushed inside Minhyuk’s entrance and Jiho was too flustered to do anything but watch. Watch, as Minhyuk stretched himself open, fingers pushing in and out while he got up on his knees with great effort; watch, as Minhyuk bent down to take Jiho’s dick in his mouth; watch, as Minhyuk’s head bobbed up and down his length; watch, as Minhyuk released him with a pop and whispered, “Take me. Now.” And who could refuse a blatant order like that?

Jiho pushed in as slowly and gently as he could, again watching his hyung’s face for any sign of pain or discomfort, because he knew how painful it was at first. And he knew, that without the lube it would be more painful. But Minhyuk was biting his lip and not saying anything. Though, he paused every time the bite goes deeper, every wince, every cry, until he was fully inside. And he was overwhelmed with the tightness and the heat but he willed himself and stopped moving. “Are you okay, hyung?” Jiho asked, lowering himself down to kiss him, much like he had wished Minhyuk to kiss him, when their positions were reversed. So maybe Minhyuk wasn’t the type to kiss and fuck, because he looked surprised at Jiho’s gesture. But then he wrapped his arms around Jiho’s neck to deepen the kiss, pulling away only to tell him he could move.

The tears in his eyes discouraged Jiho, but Minhyuk repeated the order. “I said, move, it’s fine.” So he did as he was told, of course slowly, still, and he could feel Minhyuk growing soft at his stomach. He paused again and looked at Minhyuk. He seemed to pick up what he was hinting on, because he reassured him, “Normal. Just keep going.” After a few thrusts Jiho pulled out and spit on his hand, making sure his dick was wet enough before he went inside Minhyuk again. The latter raised an eyebrow but he did not comment. How could he, when it felt so much better, and he released a strangled cry when Jiho was so deep inside him, his prostate was being hit hard. “There, there, there” he was crying out, fingers digging into Jiho’s hips and forcing him to move faster, not fast, but faster than the turtle pace Jiho had set because right now Minhyuk is a porcelain doll.

Jiho admired him from above, the way he clutched at the sheets and the way his legs were wrapped tight around Jiho’s waist. But... for his moans alone he should be rewarded. His voice was husky and deep and resonated around the room, as he gasped and whimpered at every thrust. So Jiho decided to reward him, spitting on his hand and stroking Minhyuk’s length loosely. The latter’s eyes flew open in surprise, and he removed Jiho’s hand quickly, but Jiho shushed him and proceeded. “Let me, hyung.”  
And it wasn’t a minute until Minhyuk was clawing more violently at the mattress, saying, over and over again, “Jiho, Jiho, I’m coming. Jiho....!” 

The way his name was screamed so intensely earned Minhyuk a kiss on the lips, and another on the cheek, and another on his jaw. Jiho waited until his breathing evened out, before he began thrusting in again, which did not take long with the way Minhyuk’s warmth enveloped ferociously wonderful around him. He pulled out and gave his dick a few short strokes before he came on Minhyuk’s stomach, watching the way their come blended into one another. He collapsed on top of the smaller man with a huff, head against his chest, until he was able to catch his breath.

“That was...” Minhyuk began, but never able to end the sentence.

“Yeah” was all Jiho could say.

“You better get off me, though, you’re still a giant.”

Jiho laughed against his collarbone. “That should serve as a motivation for you to bulk up.”

The comment warranted him a hit on the head. “Seriously, though, you’re crushing my bones.”

So Jiho shifted his weight on the other side of the bed, his back against the cold concrete wall. He shivered. And without thinking he lifted a hand to run his fingers along Minhyuk’s arm, which he kept stroking, until the other laughed. “You really have a fixation on my arm.” 

He was about to reply, but Minhyuk was getting up from the bed, and Jiho could feel the familiar ache forming inside his guts, which made him want to throw up. “We’ll have to clean up” he was saying, heading to the bathroom, but Jiho knows what will come next. The fucking’s over, and only one thing follows. Jiho heaved a sigh of relief when Minhyuk did not hand him the towel, but cleaned Jiho’s stomach himself. He heard Minhyuk washing the towel again, and all the time he stayed still, waiting for the elder’s next move. 

His worst fears were confirmed, because by the time Minhyuk emerged from the bathroom, he was picking up his discarded clothes and putting them on. Slowly this time, but he was still putting them on. “I have to go before Kyung comes back” he was saying, but without looking at Jiho. Jiho could feel tears forming in his eyes, but he held them back by biting on his lip and looking up the ceiling. It was only after he heard the door close shut did he allow a whimper to pass through his lips. And the tears naturally followed after.

~~

Kyung, of course, did not go back to his hotel room that night. He pretended to be so tired that he fell asleep on the hallway, even going as far as collapsing with a loud thud. Their manager had no choice but bring him to his and Jaehyo’s room, because, Kyung noted with a smirk, Jiho was not answering his phone nor was he answering the door. When their manager had to go to the bathroom to shower, suddenly Kyung was up, and in a flash he went over to Jaehyo and shook him awake. The elder was about to yell at him, but Kyung covered his mouth and brought a hand to his lips. 

“What the fuck, what are you doing here?” he still managed to say even with Kyung gagging him.

“Minhyuk-hyung is with Jiho. I can’t go back there, my eyes will melt off my face. You have to help me, because I’m pretty sure the front desk has an extra key card, and if hyung gets hold of that, we’re screwed.”

Instantly, Jaehyo is awake. “What should we do?”

That was Kyung’s unintended mistake, though, because back in their room, just across the hallway, Jiho was sitting on his best friend’s unmade bed where only hours ago fate handed him hope only to have it dashed into a million pieces. He sat there wondering why he was so hurt, when he didn’t even like Minhyuk that much, not as much as he had liked Kyung before, not even close enough to how strong he feels for Yukwon now. Maybe he was being too hard on Minhyuk, too hard on himself, because Minhyuk had made it clear what they were the first time he had approached him with that scandalous proposition. But there was something about Minhyuk leaving that made his chest tighten. 

So he was sitting there waiting for Kyung to arrive, to tell him everything, because didn’t he once think that the goofy boy was the only one he could trust in the whole world? Even when his mother, who doted on him until it made him sick, had looked at him as if she had spawned a monster when she found out her son liked boys, Kyung had whacked him on the head for thinking that he was one. So even if Jiho is doing something that would fuck them over again, Kyung will be able to understand him, right?

But Kyung didn’t come home that night, and Jiho did not know what to do. It was already three in the morning, hours of staring into empty space, that Jiho laughed at himself for being too self-absorbed. With all the things he had gone through, all the things he had done to come to this point where no underground rapper before him had reached, that bastard Lee Minhyuk was the least of his problems. So, when his head hit the pillow, there were no tears in his eyes. There was only Minhyuk’s scent on the sheets, and if he could treat sex like a pastime, then why the hell can’t Jiho?

It was briefly after the concert, after he had taken Kyung to McDonald’s, that Jiho pulled Minhyuk into Room 304, two floors below, and wordlessly pinned him against the bathroom door. They were sweaty from the dances, voice hoarse from rapping and singing and entertaining the fans, and limbs hurting from moving around for two hours, not to mention they have an interview in forty-five minutes. And thus they have to shower, but Jiho was too angry from the night before, and so he had this room reserved for all the days of their stay in Los Angeles, because he decided that he won’t be the mouse in this game. 

It had become some sort of a routine, had been for a few days, him coming on to Minhyuk or Minhyuk coming on to him. Once, they had sex on the floor of Minhyuk’s apartment, and Jiho left him there, panting, just to make him feel what Jiho had felt being abandoned after such an unabashed display of intimacy. In the end, he was the one who cried. In the end, he was the wretched mouse running around a large maze from a cat that was running after him not because it was hungry, but because it was fun. He wasn’t a necessity, he wasn’t a need, he was a game, a stress- reliever. What had he expected, runt like him with an ugly-ass face and a deplorable personality, who had led a group of seven hopefuls from one disaster to another, and now again leading them to another one because he can’t keep his underwear on. 

It wasn’t Minhyuk’s fault, and maybe Jiho was angrier at himself than he was at Minhyuk, because when he heard that a new version of Cubase Pro, a recording studio software, was released in the market (in June, but last June he was too busy to check the internet), the first thought that popped in his mind was, “I have to buy Minhyuk-hyung this”, which startled him, because he thought he was done playing nice with the older boy. Turns out he wasn’t. Because the next day he found himself purchasing almost 470,00 won worth of software and spending six hours trying to teach Minhyuk how to use it.

“Maybe Jihoon should sing this part, don’t you think?” Minhyuk was telling him over the microphone. “I mean, the bridge would be perfect for his voice.”

“Let’s see” Jiho answered. “Let’s complete the melody first, see if this is what you want to do with the song.”

And a soft, soulful melody was playing on the air, accompanied by playful beats as Minhyuk sang the first line. 

These moments, are moments with Minhyuk Jiho loves the most. 

Don’t get him wrong, thought, Minhyuk is hot. Yukwon was right when he says in their interviews that Minhyuk is sexy. As hell. The way he looks at Jiho as he crawls over on top of him was too hot it makes Jiho bite his lip to keep himself from crying out. The way he stares at Jiho from under his eyelashes as he fucks him, or the glaze in his eyes when he’s being fucked, the way he would always flip Jiho on his back when he’s about to come because, “... I want to see you come, look at me, look at me Ji-chan...” The words burn like venom on Jiho’s blood, but every time he thinks about that car ride home when Minhyuk gave him the nickname, he can’t help but cry.

Jiho was seated shotgun in Minhyuk’s car, Yukwon was at the back. It had been a Thursday night, and Thursday night, once a month, was dinner night, because Jihoon had made everybody promise that at least once a month they would eat and drink and not talk about work, because he had enjoyed that last dinner they had before going to California, and he was the youngest so they should let him have his way. Of course, Taeil supported him, no surprise about that, and so did Kyung, and so did Jaehyo. So it was settled, Thursday night was pizza-chicken-burger night, the same unhealthy selection of food Jihoon had forced Jiho to bring the last time. This time without the vegetables.

“Jiho-yah” Yukwon was tapping him on the shoulder. “I just now remembered, Yushin-hyung sent me two large boxes of Guyabano and Lemon Grass. I’m sending half to the dorm.”

“No way, that last box of Dragon Fruit you sent was just rotting in the fridge. How the hell was it so expensive and yet it doesn’t taste like anything?”

“Well you don’t eat it because it tastes good, you eat it because it’s healthy. I swear, that’s the reason why you’re so pale and grumpy.”

“What is the connection between Dragon Fruit and my grumpiness?”

“At least you acknowledge that you are grumpy. Tomorrow I’m going to make it into juice and you will drink all of it.”

“And if I refuse to?”

Yukwon paused for some time, thinking, “Do you remember that time you were drowning in Hello Kitty merchandise and you went every midnight, for sixty days, to the dumpster to throw the stuffed toys one at a time? And nobody wants to drive you so you have to walk three miles because you’re so afraid of fans finding out about it?”

“So? What about it?”

“Well, you know how I’m this group’s smiling angel, and when I pout nobody can say no to me?”

Jiho snorted. Yes. “Your point, hyung?”

“What would happen, if, hypothetically, the smiling angel would offhandedly say on national TV that he is so worried about his dear Jiho-yah’s condition, that maybe a little Hello Kitty love is needed to improve it?”

Jiho’s eyes went wide. But his heart also felt warm. “Sometimes I forget that you’re a sadistic bastard. Fine, I’ll drink every single concoction you can think of.” And Yukwon had grinned.

After they dropped Yukwon off his house, Minhyuk looked at him with a smirk.

“What?” Jiho said, pretending not to know what that smirk was about.

“Nice moves you’ve got there, Jiho-yah.”

“He’s been calling me that ever since. Don’t be jealous.”

“I wasn’t talking about the pet name. I was talking about your ploy.” He laughed, dimples sinking deep in his cheeks, eyes glistening with humor. “It’s only now that I understand everything, so it’s a little amusing.”

“It wasn’t a ploy. He just has a heart of gold, unlike you.”

“Well he takes good care of you, I understand now why you like him.” They were silent for a while, Minhyuk concentrating on the road and Jiho wishing vehemently that there would be no traffic, because he is trapped in Minhyuk’s car with a conversation he doesn’t want to have. But tonight there was no such mercy on Woo Jiho’s lot. “But the pet name does make me uncomfortable now. I can’t ever call you Jiho-yah and not think about Yukwon calling you that.”

“Well I only have one name, you know.”

“Two. You’re Jiho and Zico. Two similar yet different people” he remarked without looking at him, and Jiho wondered what he meant by that. He was about to ask, but then Minhyuk was saying, “Though it would be awkward if I call you Zico, right? Maybe I’ll just never call you by that pet name and settle on Jiho. Or. Or maybe I can give you a pet name.”

“No, please don’t. Don’t get weird ideas, I’m not a child, hyung. Just call me Jiho. It has never been a problem for you before. Why think of a pet name now?”

“Well maybe because I keep calling you Jiho-yah during sex. And I can’t do that now.”

Jiho blushed. “Fine. But I’ll also give you a pet name. And you’ll answer every time I call you that.”

“Okay” Minhyuk shrugged. “What’s the term of endearment they use in Japan to refer to children?”

“Oh God, no. No. You’re not calling me Jiho-chan, do you even hear yourself? It sounds so ridiculous; I’m going to go limp the moment you call me that. And where would that leave us?”

But Minhyuk was not listening. “I’ll call you Ji-chan, it’s cuter. And it has a double meaning. You’re both a child and a grandpa” Minhyuk had laughed at his own wittiness.

“You’re an idiot, hyung. I swear, I’ll walk out of bed if you call me that.”

“Yes, I’d like to see you try.” Minhyuk’s grin was ear-to-ear. “I like that... Ji-chan.”

“Fuck you, hyung. Then I’ll call you Mimi-chan. If you call me Ji-chan I’ll call you Mimi-chan.”

“That’s a cute nickname. I think I like it.”

Jiho looked at him with wide eyes. “Stop hanging out with Kyung!”

These moments, too, are moments with Minhyuk that Jiho loves the most.

The Minhyuk he banters with, and the Minhyuk who walks out on him after sex, are two different Minhyuks. Right now, though, he was with the Minhyuk who hurriedly dresses after sex, and, after seeing that retreating figure too many times, this time he couldn’t keep his anger in. 

“You’re really evil, hyung.”

“What? Don’t I make you happy?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

“Nothing.”

Minhyuk stopped from his tracks. He dropped the shoe he was trying to put on his feet and turned to face Jiho, whose back was also turned away from him. From this angle, he looked like a lonely soul. Tousled blond hair, naked body covered only from the waist down, curled in a fetal position. 

He moved closer and draped his body over Jiho’s waist, arms propped up to support his head so that they could talk face to face. “Don’t be grumpy, Ji-chan.”

Jiho winced. “Don’t call me that.” He buried his face on the pillow and motioned for Minhyuk to go away.

And, well, the two Minhyuks really does leave Jiho confused. So when his mother called to check up on him one day, Jiho did not try to hide the sob from his voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, a sweet but serious reminder that these guys are above 21 :D (Yeah, I'm half a conservative like that). So please do not try this at home (or anywhere else for that matter). This is NOT written based on experience, so the process may be more painstaking and the consequences more grave than my brain could ever imagine. Dramatization only. So please, be safe and stay safe.
> 
> Anyway, I'll be updating more frequently now. I was so busy with enrollment for next semester because where I come from, enrollment is not an automated activity. Really.
> 
> So, enjoy reading and share with me your thoughts :)


	11. Bravery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised :D

“Hyung, Jiho’s mom is here” Kyung had come huffing in anger after he almost broke down Minhyuk’s door banging at it restlessly and with such intense force that Minhyuk had to get up from bed to let him in.

As if Minhyuk could understand why it’s a big deal. “Well... that’s great.”

"No, it isn’t. Hyung what did you do?”

Minhyuk blinked at him. He was too tired to deal with cryptic messages and high-pitched voices. “What are you talking about?” He fleshed out the crust from his eyes and walked back to bed, leaving Kyung sulking at the doorway.

“Jiho. Where’s Jiho? What did you do to him?”

“What? It’s not what I did to him as much as what he did to me. I’m sore, I’m tired, and he was fine last night when I left him. What happened?” He was still face-down on his pillow, and he talked to Kyung in a muffled voice.

Kyung was screaming now. “Left him? Weren’t you together last night, I— what do you mean you left him? Left him where?”

“Yes, we were together last night, okay? In a hotel. Doing stuff that would make your toes curl. He was alive and well when I last saw him, he’s twenty-two and he’s Woo Jiho so what are you on about?”

“Hyung, why in a hotel? You have your apartment.”

Minhyuk didn’t reply for a full minute, but Kyung waited patiently for his answer. “What do you care? Long as the job gets done, right?”

“The job... really, hyung” Kyung’s voice was cold. He wasn’t shouting anymore. That caught Minhyuk’s attention, so he shifted his head so that he could get a full view. “I can’t believe this. I can’t believe you. So you bring Jiho into a hotel, you fuck, and you leave him? Because, hyung, whenever he’s with you he never comes home.”

Minhyuk sat up, raised his head to meet the accusatory gaze boring a hole in his skull. He could feel the anger rise up in his throat, because how dare they make Jiho the victim here. “Kyung, what am I to Jiho, hmm? You know better than anyone what our arrangement is. We fuck, he gets over his infatuation with Yukwon. Simple. Isn’t that what’s happening? He doesn’t touch anybody other than me, at least not in private, he’s moved back to the dorm, he’s paying attention to us now, he’s producing a group album, has reduced his solo activities. Hell, he asked you into the studio again. Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted?”

“I wanted him to be happy, hyung. I don’t care about any of that. Fuck, I would even smile and wave him goodbye if he left the group because he would be moving on to better things.” A million thoughts are rushing in Kyung’s mind, but he held back the tears attempting to escape his eyes. “And I left him in your hands, because I thought you would never hurt him.”

Minhyuk was standing up, now. He was dehydrated, his eyes were red, and he could use some help standing up because his hips hurt from all of Woo Jiho’s fury. “Hurt him?” he scoffed, shaking his head and grinning bitterly. “How in the world could I hurt him? It’s just fucking, or did you think we would fall in love?” The look on Kyung’s face made Minhyuk laugh with incredulity. “Oh you did?” Minhyuk laughed again, this time with more mirth in his eyes. “Well you failed. I’m sorry for being the disappointment that put an end to your schemes. I would strangle you right now for lying to me, but I’m not even angry. You wanna hook Jiho up? I could name fifty people who will gladly take my place and would have succeeded without all this drama. You didn’t have to go through all that trouble.” 

The room was silent for a while. Minhyuk sat himself on the bed, looking at the ground. “Hyung... did you ever... have you ever... liked Jiho?”

His eyes lifted to meet Kyung’s. A corner of his mouth lifted up in a resigned smile. “Does that even matter? He doesn’t like me, that’s for sure.”

“How can you be sure? He called his mom over. She’s in the dorm right now, and she said Jiho was crying to her over the phone. So where is he now?”

“Crying, right. He’s probably at the studio” Minhyuk sneered. 

“Do I look stupid to you?” Kyung was shouting again. “What hotel was he in?”

Minhyuk mumbled the name of the hotel, and Kyung glared at him. “At least you had the decency” he said and fished his phone out of his pocket, searching for the contact number of the hotel. “You can go back to sleep, I’m sorry for bothering you.” And he left without looking at Minhyuk.

It was a shock, the state Jiho was in when Kyung had the front desk open the door for him. He was lying on the bed with his back towards the door, white skin and slim body covered partially by a thin sheet of white blanket, the comforter discarded on the floor as well as all his clothes. His head turned when he Kyung cleared his throat, and when their eyes locked the younger boy groaned. “What are you doing here? Leave me alone.”

Kyung clucked his tongue, and proceeded to pick up Jiho’s clothes on the floor, straightening them with his hands while talking. “Get up. It’s noon. You missed our eight o’clock meeting.”

“How’d you find me?” he shot up from the bed with slight panic escaping his voice.

“I don’t need to see that, goddamnit” Kyung admonished him while covering his eyes with both arms. “Hurry up and get dressed. Your mother is very worried about you.”

“What? She’s here?” Jiho hurriedly looked around for his underwear.

“Edge of the bed, to your right. Wouldn’t dare touch that thing” Kyung informed him.

“How’d you find me, Kyung?” he asked again while pulling on his jeans, blushing and fumbling as he struggled with the buttonflies. He had bought them specifically to spite Minhyuk, and they made for a very interesting night of him begging Minhyuk to let him come, the elder pressing on the base of his dick twice to stop his orgasm, as a punishment. All the memories of last night came flooding back to him like a nightmare, and the weight of it made him sit back down on the bed, hands on his knees, head down and on the brink of tears.

“Jiho?” Kyung whispered softly. 

He had been deceived again. Perhaps that’s why he had kept coming back to Minhyuk’s arms even though he kept leaving him, because that was the only time he had experienced his warmth. That warmth, which was like a thread of hope that kept breaking whenever he held on to it. His voice was broken and pathetic when he spoke. “Kyung... they were right, after all. I’m a horrible person.”

“Come on, we’ve been through this. That’s not true.” Kyung sighed. Jiho had told him variations of this sentiment before, many times, because Jiho’s temper is not exactly pleasant, and his eyes not exactly friendly. He isn’t trustworthy to look at in the first place, because he had this aura of rebellion and lips prone to smirking when he hears something he thinks is stupid, so when he lets out a little attitude everything becomes worse. He was an opinionated runt who fights for what he believes is right, even if it is unconventional, which is most of the time. That always gets him into trouble, earning him his fair share of hatred. These confrontations sometimes ended up in brawls, in endless arguments, in Jiho being kept back after classes or his mom being called to the principal’s office. 

“I’m really a disappointment” Jiho was saying again.

“No, you’re—”

“That wasn’t a question” he chuckled. “You’re the only one who ever liked me, you know. You’re biased.”

“Say that to Mino or Bobby. Or Jihoon, who worships the ground you walk on. Say that to Taeil-hyung who says he owes you what he is now, and the countless other people who—”

“— who love Zico” Jiho finished for him, and Kyung glared. “Don’t look at me like that. I know what you’ll say, that those who matter love me and those who hate me don’t matter. I’ve heard that embarrassing speech before.”

“And that embarrassing speech is true, you know it. If you had listened to everybody who despised you, you wouldn’t be Zico now.”

Jiho smirked at him, “Cringe-worthy.”

“Jiho, you’re twenty-two, it’s not the end of the world. You’ll find somebody who will show you that there ¬is unconditional love. Listen to Uncle Kyung, alright, kid?” Jiho opened his mouth to comment on being called a kid, but Kyung would not even stop talking to breathe. “You underestimating yourself puts me in a bad light, because why would I even consent to being the friend of a Even though you’re a strange sadistic monkey with jelly for brains, you do have some wonderful qualities.”

This time, Jiho’s laugh was genuine. “Okay, it’s not very often I get complimented. So humor me, Uncle Kyung, what are these wonderful qualities I have?”

Kyung peered at him while throwing to him his wrinkled red shirt. “I’ll tell you if you tell me what’s bothering you.”

The smile that his best friend gave him was defeated, painful, and Kyung had to look away before all the hopelessness in those eyes transform into Kyung’s anger and compel him to sink that dimple further into Minhyuk’s cheek. “Do you think I should change? You know, be truthful. I’ve always been in trouble because of my personality. I should really learn how to be sweet and gentle, and smile a lot. Everybody’s been telling me that since I can remember. Remember? Back in elementary? That’s what gets you friends, right? That’s what makes people like you.”

It had been too long ago since Kyung was exposed to this side of Jiho. He only ever complained to him once, back in middle school, when his mom wouldn’t even talk to him in light of her new discovery, and every time his dad and him crossed paths he would give him this look of disappointment, shake his head, and sigh. Six months of all of that took an emotional toll on Jiho. He was still learning how to speak Japanese, so he couldn’t talk very much, couldn’t understand very much, and the two people whom he needed support from made themselves scarce. And so he channelled all of his frustrations into his drawings. Kyung had forced him to show the sketchpads when he came back to Korea and all of them were terrifying. Months later nothing had changed. The fear and the anger remained, but only now to be expressed through rap. The only thing that had ever made Jiho smile brightly again was when Block B was underway, mostly because his mom started talking to him again.

“Are you kidding me?” Kyung sighed. “If you’re all nice and sweet then you wouldn’t have insisted to become a rapper, wouldn’t have endured the underground, wouldn’t have been scouted, and Block B would never have been formed. Seriously, what are you thinking? Being an asshole is one of your most endearing qualities.”

“Am I really an asshole?”

“No!” Kyung was quick to correct himself. “I just mean, that’s what you appear as to other people. You’re just... opinionated. You have standards and you like them being met. You can be eccentric, yes, but there are many things that Korea isn’t ready for yet, which is why people misunderstand. They just need further explanation, and if you’re not an asshole about it nobody would listen.”

Jiho sighed. “So I really am an asshole.”

God, where is Jaehyo when you need him? Kyung lamented, for the first time wishing that the elder was there, because awkward as he was he has a way of saying things that make everything better. He looked at Jiho, sitting there with his fly open, hands fumbling with the material of his shirt, not bothering to put it on, staring at the floor. This mess is the reason why kids should be allowed to be kids when they’re still kids, and not thrown into the pit and expected to play with the gladiators in a game of eat or be eaten. Take all the meat you can get, don’t give, because the lions will not be satisfied with only a taste. In the end the only way to survive is to drain yourself and be a shell, an empty cup where they could pour in whatever you should be, so that the public will like you. The ideal man always sells, but the ideal man is an ideal that changes in a constant flux. So you should be fluid, expandable, changeable, flexible. To be able to resist all that demand is not easy, especially on a kid. 

The kid endured, but not without costs. This is the cost. 

Kyung is not much older than him, but thankfully he had a wonderful family, and because he was so outgoing he also had many wonderful friends. Jiho was not such a clown, he wasn’t the type to smile at you and agree, and therefore he had less to lean on. “Maybe you should get dressed. Let’s go home, Jiho. Auntie says she’ll be cooking us kimchi stew, isn’t that great?” He was a terrible grief counsellor, and he hated that about himself, but instead of dealing more damage, he should leave it to the expert. Jiho nods and proceeds to put on his shirt, and Kyung texts Jaehyo to go back to the dorm ASAP. When Kyung removed his beanie and put it on Jiho’s head, the boy clasped his hand and said, “Thanks.”

And Kyung knew that they— him, Jaehyo, and Minhyuk— should fix this mess they had made, before it’s too late.

~~

As expected, Jiho was all smiles when they came back to the dorm, switching to a complete 180 and making animated talks about how he had overslept because “... the sheets and the linens and the cushions in five star hotels are really a different level, mom, you wouldn’t believe it! I’ll treat you to a night there, what do you say? We can go there and post pictures to make dad jealous.” All it took is one glare and Kung had kept his mouth shut. 

“That’s all an act” Kyung said to Jaehyo after the lock on the bathroom door was securely fastened.

“I can tell. But he’s a lost puppy and we don’t want to spook him.”

“What should we do, then? I did my best back in the hotel, but Minhyuk rejecting him I think is the last straw. I can’t even call him hyung right now, I’m just so angry.”

The frustration was clear on Kyung’s furrowed eyebrows. “What did Minhyuk... what did he do?” Jaehyo asked carefully, contemplating on whether he would add the hyung or not, because this might upset Kyung even more.

“I’m not sure, really, Jiho wouldn’t say anything. And all I got from Minhyuk was that he would always leave Jiho after sex because the vanilla care after is not his job, apparently. I got angry and snapped at him. I’m sure it’s not as simple as that, but, I don’t know, he had been taking such good care of Jiho that I thought...” Kyung breathed in, trying to compose his thoughts. “This is our fault. Hyung, we should fix this.”

Jaehyo shrunk back into the wall, curling into himself. “I’m sorry. It was all my idea in the first place.”

“No, no” the shorter man was shaking his head, reassuring him. “I agreed with you. There are some things about Jiho you didn’t know, but I do know them, and I still...”

They were silent for a while, until Jaehyo lifted his head and said, “I’ll talk to Minhyuk.”

It took a minute before Kyung nodded his head. “Perhaps it’s the best. I don’t know what I would do with him if I ever saw his face.”

And that’s how Jaehyo found himself in the middle of the night knocking on Minhyuk’s door, change of clothes and toothbrush in his bag, and a small container of Jiho’s mom’s kimchi stew as peace offering in his hand. It took fifteen missed calls before Minhyuk answered, and the look on his face was less than welcome, which made Jaehyo wish that he was older than Minhyuk, so that at least he won’t receive so much spite. The elder was dressed in nothing but his boxers, and his hair was in total disarray, eyes unfocused and bloodshot, eyebags hanging blue and purple, and lips a little chapped. It made Jaehyo pity him, and what little anger he bore completely disappeared in Minhyuk’s hazy gaze.

“You’re here to scold me, too?” his voice was gruff, a combination of lack of sleep and fatigue.

“I need a place to sleep” Jaehyo said instead. He would put off the scolding until later, when Minhyuk can comprehend his words. “Jiho’s mom is here and I volunteered to find somewhere else to crash. You hungry?” He lifted up the container.

Minhyuk sighed and swung the door open for him so he could enter. The full blast of the air conditioner startled him. 

“Still a neat freak, huh?” Jaehyo mused. He set his things down on the sofa with fluffed out pillows and stuffed toys of Woody decorating the edges. The room really was clean, but he figured all Minhyuk does in it were sleep and shower, because as much as it was clean it was also bare, save for the fan gifts which Minhyuk at least attempted to make use of. One dish, one mug in the drying rack, a box of takeout food on the counter, yep he’s not dating anyone. He’d have to check the cabinets once Minhyuk is asleep, so he could search for clues, or perhaps that strange-looking notebook on his bedside table with three different colors of pens lying on top of it. Yep, definitely worth the lack of sleep. “So, lend me your couch. Be hospitable, hyung.”

The elder groaned. “I let you in, didn’t I? You know where the stuff are, you need blankets or additional pillows, you know where to find them. Anything else you know where to look. I’m going back to sleep. One snore and I’ll kick you out.”

“I don’t snore” Jaehyo said defensively, placing the kimchi stew in the fridge. To his surprise, it wasn’t empty. “You have a lot of food here, hyung.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, well, hyung needs to eat.” And Jaehyo hears the shuffle of blankets, silence, then snoring. 

Time to snoop around.

Morning rolled around and Minhyuk could smell coffee wafting around him, and something else that smelled sweet. He reached for the clock on his bedside table. 6:30. He growled in annoyance. 

“Hyung!” a cheerful voice greeted him, but he didn’t have the energy to turn around. “Pancakes with blueberry syrup topped with butter! Aren’t I a good dongsaeng?”

“Why are you suddenly so chirpy?”

“You better wake up, don’t forget that we do have rehearsals in an hour. Can’t do it without our star dancer now, can we?”

Minhyuk forced himself out of bed. He wasn’t usually this lethargic, but nowadays he finds himself dancing without rest, not even to eat or drink. When he feels like he’s about to collapse that’s when he stops to catch his breath, fawning over his notebook and writing what comes to mind. That’s what Jiho told him to do, some days ago, so no wonder all the words he was able to write were related to death, or suffering, or... when he remembers what made him, or who, made him dance from eight to eight, anger... at himself, at least. That’s when the waves of sadness come. And it’s hitting him now, when his feet touched the carpet with the coffee stain he couldn’t remove, where Jiho had left him lying weeks ago, the first and the last time they had sex in his apartment. It’s just to...

Suddenly he was bolting out of bed, startling Jaehyo as he reached for his phone in the nightstand. He dialled Jiho’s number, which was actually number 3 in his speed dial, and when he didn’t answer after the fourth call Minhyuk sent him an urgent, clipped message: pick up your phone, important.

He went to the kitchen while trying to call Jiho again, sipping on the mug of coffee Jaehyo poured for him, the latter looking at him with questioning eyes. Still, no answer, and Minhyuk threw his phone on his bed with anger, chewing on the pancake he picked with his bare hand, the syrup dripping on his fingers.

“What’s got to you?”

“Bastard’s not answering my call.”

“Bastard?”

“Woo Jiho.”

Jaehyo hummed, looking at Minhyuk over the rim of his mug. “Of course he wouldn’t. Do you know why?”

Minhyuk rolled his eyes. “Can’t trust Kyung to keep his mouth shut, huh? So what did he tell you?”

He put the mug down. “It was actually my idea, hooking the two of you up. I thought it would work, but apparently you don’t like him.” Minhyuk’s eyes grew wide, but he didn’t say anything. “It was a surprise to us, you know, because of the frequency of your, uhm, escapades. But I guess Jiho really is a bastard, so I can’t blame you for not liking him at all. Whatever, it’s cool, he’ll get over it.” Jaehyo had laid the trap, now it’s up to Minhyuk to take the bait. The good thing about everybody underestimating you is that they let their guard down, and Jaehyo had used that to his advantage.

“He’s not a bastard” was Minhyuk’s response, and it took everything Jaehyo has to not smile. “I just don’t think... our jobs aside, our gender aside, we’re not a good match. Gay idols fucking each other, how laughable. Put in our personal differences and it’s a disaster.”

“It happens, you know. We see it happen backstage.”

“Which is why it’s laughable. Nothing can come off it. Everything backstage, everything hush hush. Then it would end. And you know Jiho. He’s surrounded by a million girls, all smooth thighs and cute faces. I refuse to be the toy he discards when he finally chooses one in those million.”

Oh, so that’s what this is, Jaehyo thinks to himself. Of course Minhyuk would insist on being the one to always leave, it’s a defense mechanism that would help him cope once Jiho leaves him. “Yeah, it’s tough, right? He’s not even that attractive.”

“You keep saying that, but he’s... Jiho is... I don’t know why, but he is attractive. Don’t insult him like that, you’re also insulting my choice of mate.”

“Whatever, hyung. I still dislike his domineering attitude. I mean, it works well and all because it gets things done but... making Taeil-hyung cry is not really a good thing to do. I think he even made me cry once. I refuse to remember.” That was Bait #2. Jaehyo waits.

Minhyuk chuckled, munching on a second piece of pancake. “And me. He even criticized my dancing. Can you believe that? But I get it now, you know. That drive. I picked up longer hours in the studio because I realize that I could do better. I mean, look at him, five years of exponential growth. It overwhelms me sometimes, looking at him.”

Ah, the sweet taste of victory. “I thought you dislike him. Why are you defending him so much, hyung?”

At that, Minhyuk started. He even stopped chewing. Realization dawned on his face and it made it even darker. “I... I... let’s go get dressed, shall we?” he said, ducking his head and refusing to meet Jaehyo’s eyes, lest he sees the faint blush that had began to creep up his cheeks. “I’ll shower first.”

When he disappeared from view, that was the only time Jaehyo allowed himself to smile. “This is just too easy. What are you panicking about, Kyung?” he murmured to himself, and finished the last of his coffee. 

~~

Of course, Jiho was ignoring Minhyuk again during the whole duration of their practice. But Minhyuk still placed a bottle of cold water beside Jiho where he was slumped down on the floor, and proceeded to stretch in front of the mirror. “Yukwon, wanna try that move?” he was saying, just to distract him and stop himself from glancing at the mirror to Jiho’s side and seeing his reaction. 

Kyung watched the whole ‘skirting-around-each-other’ act with alarm, but Jaehyo put a hand on his shoulder and smiled, when Minhyuk wasn’t looking. 

It was after they had exited the building, and of course Jiho coming out later than the others, that Minhyuk decided to take a stand and pulled Jiho roughly to his car. The other tried to resist his grip, shouting, “What the fuck, hyung?” in a hushed voice, because there were people who could hear them, and news of the impending breakup of Block B is not good publicity.

“Just because we’re fucking doesn’t give you the right to treat me however you want” Jiho snapped at him when they were safely hidden in Minhyuk’s car. His eyes were positively predatory, and it made Minhyuk think twice about what he’s doing. 

But, instead, he smiled. “There you are. I always wondered where Jiho has disappeared to.”

“What does that even mean?” His voice was full of anger, his face contorted with irritation and impatience.

“It means, the whole time we were together, you never once got angry with me. Quite the opposite, in fact. You’ve just been... passive.”

This made Jiho stop and look away, exhaling a heavy breath and staring at the windshield.

“E- minor.”

“What?” Jiho looked at him in the corner of his eyes.

“That tone in the bridge we couldn’t find? I was calling you this morning but you wouldn’t pick up your phone. I just want to tell you that it’s the e-minor we’re missing, and if you’re up to it we could head to the studio and I’d play you the whole song. The keyboard’s still there, right?”

Jiho nodded, looking away and not saying anything else.

And not a single word was spoken between them until they reached the studio. Minhyuk positioned himself in front of the piano and started pressing on the keys, fingers gliding softly, then forcefully, smoothly, over the white and black. He has his eyes closed, because it took him hours but he had memorized each note, and when he reached the bridge and made the changes to the original music sheet, he heard Jiho breathe out an “Oh”, and he smiled despite himself. He stopped, then, and turned to Jiho. “Better, right?”

The younger boy grinned, nodded. “Yeah. Perfect. Let’s record that, and I’ll have it arranged tomorrow. Then we could call the hyungs and start with the real thing, what do you say? Ready for your masterpiece to be released, hyung?”

When it comes to music, Jiho really can shut off his personal life. Minhyuk nodded graciously, returning the smile. “Yes. Thank you, Jiho.”

“Mmmm... yeah we should get started.”

Still meticulous, Minhyuk played the piece five more times, with little to no variation, until Jiho was satisfied. “That’s a wrap. I’ll call you when the track is ready, yeah? Or do you want to be here for the whole thing? I’ll just insert some techno beats and perhaps some violin accompaniment near the end to make it more dramatic. Not much, but if you want to see how it’s done or you want to add or remove anything, you can come tomorrow. Usually we’re here by the crack of dawn. At least I am. The hyungs get here by eight, so maybe you’d want to swing by then.”

Minhyuk was silent for a moment, regarding his question. He looked at Jiho in the eye and said, “When do you want me to come? At the crack of dawn, or at eight?

Jiho’s breath hitched. He broke eye contact and closed his eyes for a moment, sighing. “We should stop this.”

“Stop what?”

“You know what I’m referring to, don’t play dumb.” His voice was full of heat but his body was slumped against the table, and he had to support himself on one arm to keep balanced. He talked without looking at Minhyuk. “Like you said, I got lost for a while. I should get back in track.”

Minhyuk laughed quietly. “Is that what you call what’s happening between us? Getting lost?” He put his hands on his pockets and leaned on the wall. For support, or whatever, but he just needed something to lean on. Because maybe Jaehyo is right, and Minhyuk is too old to fuck around. “You know, you never told me what you want.”

“Does it matter? I know what you want. I’m tired of giving it. So let’s move on, yeah, hyung? Can you do that?”

The words made Minhyuk’s heart clench. “I can’t move on. Not after everything. If you can get back on track I’m lost beyond recovery.” He took his hands out of his pocket and shifted to move a little bit closer to Jiho. Just a little bit. “Tell me if I have a chance. Just a small chance, I’ll take it. Be truthful. Now if there’s really nothing you like about me but the sex, then I’ll back off. I mean, give me a few days off to recover, you’re the leader you can make up excuses for me, and I’ll figure something out. I’m not selfish, I can endure for the group, I just...” he exhaled a heavy breath. “What do you say?”

Jiho was staring at him now, disbelief coloring his face. “I don’t...” he swallowed. “Be clear, be very clear. Don’t speak in riddles, I don’t want to misinterpret.”

“I like you, Woo Jiho. It’s terrifying, you terrify me. And I can’t take a third heartbreak, and frankly you really, really scare me. I’m frightened of you. I mean, okay, terrify and scare and frighten are synonyms, but—”

Jiho can’t help but laugh, “Why are you so scared? I was seriously a meek lamb to you the whole time.”

“I don’t know” Minhyuk fumbled for words. Oh yes he does know, but that’s unimportant right now. Or the most important, because it kept clouding up his speech. Jiho hasn’t yet reacted to the ‘I like you’ part, but he isn’t making a move to get out either. “Maybe you should sass around more, when you’re cute all the time I keep wondering when you’ll explode, or something. I mean, you’re always so outspoken but in front of me you clam up, and I don’t know what you want, and I’m scared of asking because I’m not ready for your answer. I was waiting for you to get tired of me, and maybe this is you getting tired of me. Jiho, are you tired of me? Or not yet? Because if you’re not yet—”

“Hyung, you’re not a toy. How can I get tired of you? That’s a horrible thing to say. Seriously, even my own members think I’m an asshole. How can I get through life like this?”

“So you’re saying... aahhh I can’t think straight. Let me be clear. You said you like things clear.” He cleared his throat and met Jiho’s gaze. “I like you, beyond the sex. You can withhold sex for months and I swear I won’t touch myself... or anyone else, for that matter, to prove that point.” Jiho’s face was straight, unemotional, and Minhyuk could feel his resolve slipping again. “What I’m saying is, if you like me, in a non-platonic way... wait, I swear I don’t mean like, that there should be sex involved, just... well, not as friends, that’s what I mean. Yes, God, why is it so hard?” Jiho hid his mouth behind his hand and Jiho knew he was on the verge of laughing. It had always been easy to make Jiho laugh. “Hey, my suffering is not funny.”

Jiho shook his head, but still kept his mouth from view. “No, of course not. Go on.”

Bastard. “Just... if you like me, not as a friend but as a potential lover, and when I mean lover again let’s be clear I don’t mean just sex—”

“Hyung! Just lay off on the sex, I get it!”

Minhyuk breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh thank God. Okay. Okay. Can I court you?” he blurted out without warning, and Jiho’s laugh disappeared, his hand slipping from his mouth because suddenly he lost the energy to keep his body up when all of it is in his brain trying to process the words. 

“What?”

“What, I’ve never had a boyfriend, I don’t know how it works between guys” he replied defensively.

Jiho laughed, but shortly. “Okay.” He raised an eyebrow. “Court me. It’s not very often a guy experiences something like this.”

It took Minhyuk a lot longer than Jiho to understand, but the other waited with an amused smile on his lips. “Really?” he asked quietly. “You’re not just humouring me, right? Or taking pity on me? Because I swear, I may like you, but I’m not beyond murder.”

Jiho was serious, now. He straightened up and walked towards Minhyuk, the other talking a step back but well, Jiho’s legs were longer, so Minhyuk can’t really outrun him. He dipped his head down and placed a chaste kiss on Minhyuk’s lips. “That’s to seal the deal. But no flowers, or chocolates, or stuffed toys. I see one of those and you’ll find out I’m also not beyond murder.”

“Okay, alright” Minhyuk agreed to his terms, breathless. “You just destroyed my whole M.O. At least tell me one thing you want, help your hyung out. Come on, Jiho.”

Jiho tapped a finger on his chin, smiling. “Why don’t you start by feeding me? I’m starving. You can’t fuck me now, so feed me.”

It was Minhyuk’s turn to laugh. “My God, you’re really simple. I was worried about my wallet for a second.”

“Yeah, you should still worry. I don’t really like to eat, but when I do I go all-out.”

Minhyuk groaned. “Yes, I remember.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda short but, it's nearing the end so... I hope you enjoy reading this.


	12. Sugar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My attempt at fluff.

This is protocol: Minhyuk started with Jiho’s mom. He didn’t know whether or not she knows that Jiho is partial to men, gay, he didn’t know. My God, why didn’t he ask? But maybe that does not matter now, when ‘eomma’, as he had started calling her, (“Is it okay if I call you that? I miss my mom”, much to Jiho’s chagrin) was praising his bulgogi, a dish he had learned to cook only the night before because Jiho likes it. It took him three kilos of beef and two trips to the market to perfect it, but all that waste of money was worth the praises he is now receiving from Jiho’s mom. 

“I didn’t think you could cook” she was saying, “Jiho said none of you can cook a decent meal, except maybe for Jihoon. But I told him not to torture the poor boy just because he’s the youngest. It’s the eldest who should cook, but when I said that Taei-il’s face turned sour. Too bad you don’t live with them, they really need a mother figure around here. I mean, look at all these mess.”

Minhyuk rolled his eyes at the overflowing trash bin, because they keep forgetting to throw it out on trash day and the dorm aunt does not come too often. Five kids in one roof means five times the amount of trash. “I know, eomma, they’re a handful. Jaehyo is the worst of the bunch, and he’s old.” A stuffed toy hit him on the head. “They’re so mean to me.”

“Is Jiho mean to you? I swear, when he was a kid people thought I was a teacher because of the number of times I had to march out there and drag him by his scrawny ass.”

Minhyuk smiled, glancing at Jiho, who was looking at him through the magazine he pretended to read in an attempt to be inconspicuous. “No, out of all of them our dear Jiho here loves me the most.” And the magazine was once again covering Jiho’s entire face. 

Kyung and Jaehyo were gagging and supporting each other by a corner. Tae-il was struggling with the recycling, which Jiho’s mom insisted the second she laid eyes on the state of the kitchen, so he wasn’t really listening. Yukwon was still on his way, though, and kept texting Minhyuk to leave him a portion (“hyung, really, you have started eating?” “yes, so get here fast, you know how Jihoon gets” “hey be a good hyung, leave some for me” “hello? Hyung, respond” “hyung I will seriously cry”). Jihoon, on the other hand, was allowed to sleep in until dinner was ready. They had made Jiho cut up the onions but he ended up cutting himself, with his mother apologizing profusely for his incompetence, and so they had assigned him dish duty for the whole of next week for his uselessness. 

So they had bulgogi, steamed cabbages, kimchi fried rice and well, vegetable salad because Jiho argued that the cabbages in this case don’t count as vegetables, and they had to have something to digest all that meat, all of that with the usual side dishes.

Yukwon came huffing by the door, “Am I late? Is the food gone? Minhyuk-hyung!”

“Relax, hyung” Kyung gave him a dirty look. “We’re still about to set the table.” He was carrying a stack of plates and then disappeared to the kitchen.

“You liar” the look that Yukwon gave Minhyuk, who had poked his head out the door when he heard him, was even dirtier. “I will punish you with a home-blend of my experimental recipe, and you will drink it all without asking what’s in it.”

“No way. I’m your hyung.”

Yukwon’s lower lip protruded as if on reflex. “You always play the hyung card, but when I ask you to treat me food as a dongsaeng you always say we’re only a year apart.”

“And you always play the cute card when you want something” Minhyuk laughed, removed the snapback from his head and ruffled his hair. “You have to be a lot cuter than that to affect me.”

“How is that even possible?” he said while puffing up his cheeks, and then laughing with embarrassment at his actions.

“Okay, I give in.”

So, Minhyuk learned that night that it’s definitely not okay complimenting Yukwon on his cuteness.

“Hyung, you said you like me, right?”

“Yes, I like you.”

“More than Yukwon-hyung?”

“What... Jiho, I kind of forgot all about him since the first time I kissed you. I still think he’s hot because I’m not blind, but I think you’re hotter.”

“Yes, you really are not blind.”

Minhyuk tried to recover from his mistake. “Can I get a kiss now because I said you’re hotter than Yukwon?”

Jiho glared at him. “I gave you five points for charming my mom, but I deducted three points for flirting with a guy who isn’t me—”

“That wasn’t flirting.”

“— You called him cute thrice in the span of thirty seconds. If that’s not flirting I don’t know what is” Jiho reminded him sternly.

They were in the balcony, and when someone attempted to go and disturb them Jaehyo and Kyung stood by the door to discourage the trespassers. Minhyuk laughed at them trying to ward Jihoon off, but kept Jiho’s line of sight out of the commotion, before he suspects anything.

“Anyway, maybe when you come up ten points I’ll maybe consider maybe kissing you.”

“That’s a lot of maybes in one sentence.”

“Maybe” Jiho replied with a smile, much to the elder’s chagrin. “You’ll have to earn the right to these full red lips” he said in a sultry tone, running his index finger on his bottom lip.

Minhyuk swallowed, and scowled at him. “How dare you” He had meant to sound angry, but his voice came out as a whimper. And Jiho laughed.

~~

His ten points were earned after they had recorded their song. When everybody was gone to pack their bags for their next group appearance, Minhyuk stayed back and Jiho was suddenly crushing their lips together, no tongue, but Jiho’s slender fingers were caressing his jaw tenderly, and Minhyuk leaned his head to the touch, and sighed in contentment. 

“What did I do to earn that?” Minhyuk asked, completely confused. He had been too busy to pay attention to Jiho in Japan, too scared to meet his dad except for a short bow and shake of hands. Minhyuk didn’t know why, but the way that Mr. Woo looked at him made him uncomfortable. Even when the man had given them two crates of peaches, which made Jiho grumble about shipping but Yukwon saying he loved peaches and he’d work hard to have them shipped to Korea, earning the boy a smile and a pat on the back which made Minhyuk jealous, he couldn’t feel at ease, as if the man knew everything. 

“If I explained to you the point system I’d be predictable” was Jiho’s vague answer, thumb circling around Minhyuk’s cheek. Jiho would never tell him, but it was because he was so proud of the song and the long hours that Minhyuk poured learning what the fucking switches and buttons were for, all on top of making their choreography or teaching Tae-il and Jihoon the steps even when he could dance them himself in his sleep. Those qualities, far more than thighs and cute faces, are what deeply attract Jiho. But of course he would never say them to Minhyuk. His brother had always told him that he would end up with somebody who can compete against him, and well the man was annoying and made Jiho’s childhood life a series of challenges, but was he ever so right. He smiled when he thought of how Jiseok would react if he found out it was Minhyuk; he’d probably be in shock for a week.

“You’re spacing out” he heard Minhyuk say. 

“Sorry, I just... I’m thinking about my brother.”

Minhyuk raised an eyebrow. “After kissing me, you think about your brother? Don’t you think that’s wrong?”

“No! I mean, yes! I mean— God, you’re frustrating!”

The elder chuckled, linking his hand with Jiho’s which was still settled on his cheek, and brought it between them. “You’re not going back to the dorm?”

Jiho shook his head. “I’ll just finish the final touches, and then I’m going.”

“Then I’ll wait up for you.”

“No. It’s nearly two. Go home and sleep, hyung.”

“I don’t mind.”

Jiho squeezed his hand. “I know I said you have to earn points, but not like this. Go home and sleep, it won’t take me an hour anyway. Then you can buy us breakfast tomorrow.”

“User. Okay, I’ll be there to wake you all up.” He withdrew his hand from Jiho’s grip, and headed towards the door. “By the way, give me your father’s address in Japan later.”

“Why?”

“Because Yukwon beat me to his affections, and I can’t have that.”

Jiho laughed at him.  


~~

“Seriously, I will die if I see another peach” Tae-il was declaring after he had signed the receipt for a crate of peaches. “Jiho, this is sweet of your father, much more than you could do, but please tell him to send something else next time. Maybe strawberries, I don’t know. Now you deal with that” he said and retired to his room.

“Strawberries would be good” said a Yukwon sprawled in his shorts in their sofa, munching on the few leftover pickled peaches which they force-fed to him as a punishment for accepting Jiho’s father’s kindness with so much enthusiasm he had been sending them one crate at a time, even if they’re not necessarily in season. Not that he needed any force-feeding.

“I’m sending these to mom and to Jiseok” he said while reaching out for his phone, which was ringing in his pocket. It was his dad.

“Yup, I got the peaches you sent” he was saying over the phone. “This is long- distance, can you afford this?” Pause. “Please don’t send anymore, we will die of peach death. They said maybe you can switch to a different fruit, like strawberries.” Pause. “Yes, yes, he did say that.” A longer pause. Jiho was turning red. Yukwon was watching him with fascination, and when their eyes met Jiho ducked his head and moved to the pantry. “Dad! He’s straight!” was all Yukwon could hear as Jiho slid the door close.

That conversation did not mean much to Yukwon, but it did to Jiho, and when Jiho saw Minhyuk later that day he handed him a piece of paper with his father’s address scribbled on it. “Here. Yukwon really had beaten you to it. Why in the world did you have to turn into a scared duck when you saw him? You charmed my mother, my father is no different. He may look like he would kill you but he’s actually mild-mannered.”

“Kind of like you, then” Minhyuk said while he saved the address on his phone.

Jiho was about to react when his own cellphone rang. “Yes, hyung?” Pause. “Yes, but who told you that? Was it Kyung?” Pause. “What? What did he say?” Another pause. “Well, no, it’s not Yukwon-hyung. He just misunderstood.” Pause. Minhyuk looked up at him. “Yes, fine, some day.” A long pause. Jiho was sighing over his phone, a hand over his eyebrows. “Okay, when I’m sure, I’ll tell you.”

“Yeah, definitely tell me about that phone call. It has something to do with me, and if you don’t tell me I swear I will make your life miserable.”

“I was planning on telling you, no need to threaten me” Jiho defended himself. “As you know that’s my brother. And all three of them, him and my parents, are under the impression that I’m dating Yukwon-hyung. Of course I told him no, it’s somebody else. So now he wants to meet who that somebody else is.”

“I’m not ready” was the first thing out of Minhyuk’s mouth. “I’ll die. He’ll kill me. He’ll throw me in the Han River, I’ll be eaten by fishes, and you’ll be eating sushi that consumed my flesh.”

“Don’t be so melodramatic” Jiho was frowning at him. “If you got over your fear of me, you’ll get over your fear of him. He’s just a big teddy bear. Big, but a teddy bear. You get me?”

“Jiho, everybody in your family is big. Do you have big cousins, too?”

“Don’t worry, they won’t rough you up.”

“Jiho, I’m a small, vulnerable, thin creature.”

“Then bulk up, hyung” was Jiho’s laughing reply. 

~~

It was in Ulsan that Jiho finally told his brother who he was dating, if dating is what you’d call what Jiho and Minhyuk do together, which is most of the time just sing and dance, and eat if they’re not too tired. But Jiseok was forced by their mother to go to the concert, mostly because Jiho had promised to take her to a five-star hotel, and she needed somebody to tour her around so she won’t get lost. Jiho was performing, and Jiseok was free, so Jiseok it is.

Minhyuk was apprehensive. Jiseok was looking at him up and down, up and down, as if it was the first time they had met. He was generally closer to Kyung than any of them, but Kyung would’ve vouched for him, right? Because the last time they talked Kyung ruffled his hair and told him he was happy for them, and he even gave Kyung a double-patty burger with large fries and float as a peace offering (to Jaehyo he gave a new red Gucci shirt because the latter refuses to buy new clothes for himself, which Kyung later complained about because the Gucci cost a hundred thousand won, to which Minhyuk responded that it was Jaehyo, not Kyung, who had thought of the brilliant plan to get him and Jiho together, and Kyung sulked at him for three straight days until he bought him all the orders to complete his minions set). 

“This scrawny ass is who you’re dating?” he finally said, at length, and it took all Minhyuk could not to openly cry.

“Shh!” Jiho silenced him, looking around. “Somebody might hear you.”

“You’re not even going to defend me?” was Minhyuk’s concern when Jiho did not say anything else.

“Uhh, yeah, hyung, he’s a nice guy” Jiho shrugged nonchalantly.

“That’s all?” Minhyuk exclaimed in astonishment, hand flying to his mouth. “Why am I dating you?”

“I said, shh!” 

They were backstage, but backstage meant stylists and makeup artists and camera crew. Jiseok laughed at his little brother’s panic attack. “Fine, I can’t question your taste.” Jiseok gave him a run-over again. “Or.” He laughed his hearty laughter, deep, resounding, and Jiho blushed at the commotion that he had made, because now everybody was looking at them. Everybody, even Kyung and Jaehyo and Jihoon and Tae-il. Jiseok wound his arm over Minhyuk and pulled him in a corner, whispered something in his ear that made Minhyuk blush and slap his arm. “Hyung!”

It was only later that night, when they were roomed together in Lotte, that Jiho had a chance to ask him what Jiseok said, because Minhyuk was too red and embarrassed to say anything to him. “Just lay off, Jiho.”

“You have to tell me about that conversation. It has something to do with me, and if you don’t tell me I swear I will make your life miserable” Jiho mimicked his earlier words.

Minhyuk rolled his eyes. “Something about my skills in bed, you happy now? I said we’re currently platonic, you know, to preserve your dignity, and he told me I have no game. Jiho! Why is he condoning sex before marriage? You’re his little brother, for heaven’s sake. He should be worried if I’m taking advantage of you.”

Jiho chuckled. “It’s not like we can get married, you know?”

“Hmmm... well if I asked you to get married, what would you say?”

“No” he replied in a heartbeat.

Minhyuk whined, “My God, I really have no game. That hurt, Woo fucking Jiho. You should have pretended to think about it longer.”

“Well I don’t love you now, why should I marry you?”

At that, Minhyuk grew very quiet. Jiho only meant to tease him, not upset him, and he was about to say so, but Minhyuk lifted up his head and asked him a very serious question, feet dangling over the edge of the bed and looking positively cute. “But I do have a chance, right? I’m getting closer?”

Jiho stood up and walked over to where Minhyuk was sitting, and bent down so that they were face-to-face, one hand on top of his knee, and the other to Minhyuk’s cheek. “If I said I want to kiss you right now, will that answer your question?”

Minhyuk’s eyes grew wide, but Jiho was straddling him, pushing him further back into the bed until they were both comfortable, and Minhyuk’s whimper was swallowed by the softness of Jiho’s lips, the sweetness of his tongue as he tilted his head to the right to get more access into Minhyuk’s mouth, as he licked every crevice and pushed down every moan that escaped Minhyuk’s lips. He pulled away with a smacking sound, and looked at Minhyuk, for a few seconds, breathing into his mouth, until he claimed his lips again, this time biting and sucking on the elder’s lower lip, and then kissing it softly to ease the pain. Then he pulled away again, and looked at Minhyuk through his eyelashes for quite some time.

“Well that...” Minhyuk breathed, “... that definitely answered my question.”

Jiho laughed again and got off him, and it took every restraint Minhyuk had not to pull him back in. “I should go to bed, I have to take mom and hyung around tomorrow.”

“Can I come?”

“No, you’re not my boyfriend yet, right?”

Minhyuk pouted. “Fine, but you definitely have to bring me something back to Seoul, alright?”

“Yup” he said and turned off the lights. 

 

~~

 

The next time they kissed like that was when Jiho came knocking on his door at around three in the morning. 

“I would’ve normally gone back to the dorm, or slept in the studio, but what the heck” he said when Minhyuk gave him a questioning look. The elder walked back to bed in a zombie-like state, swinging left and right and moaning as his head hit the pillow. “Sorry for being an inhospitable host, but whatever you need just look for yourself. I’m so sleepy.”

Jiho chuckled. “Yeah, no worries.”

When Minhyuk left the next morning for their rehearsal, Jiho was still asleep, snoring on the couch with his left arm dangling and his knees drawn towards his chest like a baby. The couch, unluckily for him, wasn’t six feet long. Minhyuk took his alarm clock and set it to go off in two hours, and it was that kind of alarm clock that jumps all over the place and you had to catch it to turn it off. This one was an interesting piece he bought in Japan, and it sure came in handy. He scribbled a short note, looked at Jiho one last time, and smiled as he walked out the building.

That stunt with the alarm clock earned Minhyuk a smack in the head, when a hostile Jiho came marching to the studio with bloodshot eyes and smelling so much like Minhyuk’s dandruff shampoo. And of course, Minhyuk’s shirt and sweatpants, which were one or two inches too short, but who cares about that, who cares about anything at all when you’re dead-tired. Kyung arched an eyebrow at Minhyuk, but he shook his head and mouthed, “Not what you think”, before turning around and playing the music once more. 

The incident was repeated three times, which means three times being woken up at three in the morning, three smacks on the head, three wiggling eyebrows from Kyung, three smirks from Jaehyo, and four sets of clothes Jiho never bothered to return (which he did, eventually, when he had made time to pick up his laundry at the cleaners).

So, anticipating a fifth incident, Minhyuk gave him a spare key. 

“Still not marrying you” Jiho chided him while putting the key in his key ring. 

“Who says that’s for free?” Minhyuk looked down at him while gulping a mouthful of water. “You’re buying me dinner tonight.”

Dinner turned out to be late-night pizza, because Jiho said he wanted to watch TV, now that they have some time off before they fly again. Pizza because Jiho was lazy, and late-night because when they were seated on the couch, two feet apart from each other, a re-run of the Avengers on the screen, Jiho was suddenly pulling Minhyuk into a kiss. Of course, Minhyuk did not resist, and only gave himself a second to be surprised.

The kiss was much like the previous one, Jiho’s tongue invading the insides of his mouth, hands fisted on the collar of his shirt. Jiho peppered him with small kisses to his jaw, then to his cheek, back to his lips. The younger broke the kiss to move on top of him, one hand settling to pull his hair down and force his face upwards, and the other moving inside his shirt to caress his back lightly with his fingers. Jiho started with kissing his shoulder, moving his mouth over Minhyuk’s shirt, and then sucking lightly on the base of his neck, moving his lips and tongue on the soft hollow of his throat and making Minhyuk shiver. His hand moved to the elder’s chest, pressing, moving up and down until it settled on the base of his spine, and stayed stroking there. The elder was now gripping Jiho’s shirt, not making a sound, which made Jiho smile and think of something to force him to moan. So he ran his tongue all the way up over the soft slope of Minhyuk’s Adam’s apple, to his chin, before capturing his lips into a kiss again, this time lazy and slow.

It was Minhyuk who broke the kiss, panting, and he pushed Jiho aside, his head down cast but his hands gripping Jiho’s shoulders. When he lifted his head there were tears in his eyes, and Jiho looked at him with surprise. “Jihoooo....” he whined, almost on the verge of crying. 

“Yes, hyung?” he prompted him when Minhyuk only looked back at him without saying anything. His face was red and Jiho’s shoulders were hurting with the strength of his grip.

“Let me touch myself” he managed to say at length, turning even redder. “I know I promised not to, but please, oh please... just... just this once.”

Jiho tilted his head and gave him a serious gaze. “No, hyung, as you said, you promised.”

At that, Minhyuk sobbed openly on Jiho’s shoulder, tears spilling from his eyes. 

Jiho pressed a kiss on his hair. “Fine, you can go.”

His head lifted up so fast he felt something in his neck snap. But that’s not important now. “R-really?”

“Yeah, go.”

When Minhyuk ran limping to the bathroom, Jiho made a mental note not to tease him that way ever again. He never expected him to cry. Jiho sighed and fished his phone out of his pocket to call the pizza house just two blocks from Minhyuk’s apartment and ordered half pepperoni and half beef, extra cheese, thin crust. The pizza came in after twenty minutes, but Minhyuk still had not come out of the bathroom, and Jiho started to get worried. He knocked on the door successively, but there was no answer. “Hyung, I’ll break down the door if you don’t open it” he had to threaten before a red-eyed and red-faced Minhyuk rushed to do as he was told. 

“What’s wrong?” Jiho asked him softly.

“That was embarrassing. After my great speech about liking you beyond sex, that was...” Minhyuk lifted his eyes at him. “I’m sorry.”

Jiho immediately pulled him into a hug. “No, that was my fault. I should not have teased you like that. That’s just your body reacting as it should. At least I know you’re healthy, huh?”

And you’re not even the least bit affected, Minhyuk wanted to say, but all he said instead was, “I smell pizza” and he went to grab a slice before Jiho can see the hurt in his eyes.

~~

From that moment on, Minhyuk had been very conscious of not being alone with Jiho. He always had somebody in tow, most often than not Jihoon, who is more easily bribed with either food or affection, and Minhyuk had kept inviting him over to his apartment under the ruse of old clothes he didn’t want anymore, or to use that new mixing software that Jiho had bought him a few weeks ago. Thus, in the span of four days Jihoon had become a permanent fixture in Minhyuk’s apartment, because oh look, he has a spare key. Once, when Minhyuk and Jihoon were kissing against the wall and Jiho’s hands began wandering again, the door suddenly swung open, and thankfully Minhyuk was hypersensitive enough and he slipped away quickly from Jiho, making it to the couch and turning on the TV in record time. Since then, there was no kissing in the apartment. Or anywhere else, for that matter, because there was no place they could be alone except there. Because, well, the studio is a sacred place that Jiho would never soil.

Minhyuk was waiting for the time that Jiho had to leave and he could finally breathe easy. He had promised to court him, but courting has to be done in between dance practice, vocal practice, composing, exercising, filming, photo shoots, interviews, and sleep. Needless to say, Minhyuk is exhausted. He would sneak in to the bathroom and make dinner reservations that would always get cancelled, or planning to cook for the two of them which would also get cancelled, not to mention that there is hardly any place they could go, together, alone, even of course removing the possibility of being mobbed. So he had settled on giving Jiho massages (when everyone is looking and it would not turn into something else), or gifting him health supplements, getting him water during breaks, etc., until Jiho told him to stop, “... you’re not my PA, for crying out loud.” 

So, all the extra services stopped, and Minhyuk was left with nothing to do except buy him gifts: clothes, shoes, hats, until that had to stop, too, because “... hyung, please, you’re not my sugar daddy. Save your money and get a bigger apartment. Don’t your parents ask you for allowance?” 

The familiar feeling of inferiority came creeping in like a poisonous vine under Minhyuk’s skin. He was left to wonder why Jiho had accepted him in the first place, because there was nothing, absolutely nothing that he could give him that he didn’t already have. 

And so Minhyuk sat there on his bed, back against the wall and knees hunched to his chin, and looking at the outline of Jiho’s back in the thin white shirt who was writing lyrics on the dining table. The heavy kissing had stopped, but Jiho comes to sleep on his couch almost every other day, writing lyrics or making and mixing beats in Minhyuk’s computer. Half of the time they were silent, the other half they would grunt at each other in greeting. 

Minhyuk sighed. 

Suddenly, Jiho turned around to face him, and said, “Hyung, wanna come to my show?”

Which took Minhyuk aback. “What am I going to do there? I’ll just be in your way.”

Jiho frowned. “You can hold up a banner and cheer me up.”

“No way.”

“Then you could just stand there and watch.”

Minhyuk tilted his head as if it was too heavy with the amount of analyzing going on in his brain right now. “Fine, but no banners.”

“And you’ll stay after?”

“What? Why?”

“Because we’ll have an after-party. And I want you to meet the hyungs there, seriously, your life will change. I got a lot of material for my songs because of them.”

“Are you sure? You know they kinda hate idols. They like you because you rap. I’m sure they wouldn’t appreciate you bringing in some idol who likes to act cute in front of the camera.”

“Well we can’t all be rappers, right? None of them can dance, you beat them in that department.”

“It’s a gathering of rappers, I can’t rap.”

Jiho let out a deep breath. “Why are you being so difficult? I want you there.”

“And I’m questioning how sensible that decision is.”

“What if I just want to show you off?”

Minhyuk’s frown broke into a huge grin. “Your brother called me a scrawny ass. What is there to show off?”

Jiho grunted. “I know your ass isn’t scrawny.” The comment earned him a pillow on the head. “Aw! It’s true, isn’t it? And anyway, I told Jaebeom-hyung about us.”

“What?” Minhyuk exclaimed, getting out of bed to face Jiho. “Why would you do that?”

“Why are you panicking?”

“Of course I’m panicking! I know how it works— Jiho... people don’t exactly just accept people like us.”

Jiho rolled his eyes and abandoned his pen, face serious now. “I don’t even know if you accept people like us.”

Minhyuk’s eyes widened at the accusation, and he was about to remind Jiho who among the two of them had done the most resisting, but he reminded himself that he was the adult here, and so he heaved a sigh, willing himself to calm down. “Okay, I’m sorry. I just... I don’t want us to be torn away from each other before we can figure out what we are, or what we want to do. Korea isn’t exactly... accepting. And I’m not very sure but... the underground is even less accepting? Jiho, I don’t want to be the cause of your ruin. I’d rather never have you than see you fall.” 

Jiho seems to be mulling over his words, because he was quiet, but only for a moment. “Well I’d rather fall than never have you.” His face had turned red, and he was looking down at his notebook.

Minhyuk swallowed. If this is Jiho giving him hope then he had to make sure. “Is that... does that mean what I think it means? Jiho, do you like me back?”

In the end, he had been the first to say it. “I love you.”

Minhyuk had been the first to confess, but Jiho had been the first to say the words. Minhyuk felt himself collapsing on the chair, his knees shaking so much he is unable to support himself. He covered his face with his hands and stayed like that for a few minutes, eyes closed and lips trembling. And then, he parted his fingers so one of his eyes is visible. “I love you, too, you know.”

Jiho smiled at him warmly, eyes narrowing. “Yeah, I know.”

“But why?”

“What kind of question is that?” Jiho picked up his pen again and turned back to his notes as if nothing earth-shattering had just happened.

“I know why I love you, I don’t know why you love me.”

“And I know why I love you, but I don’t know why you love me. We’re in the same boat.”

Minhyuk snorted, and withdrew his hands from his face. “Can I kiss you now, then? Just one small kiss, nothing heavy?”

Jiho glanced at him. “If I say yes, will you be coming?”

“Now that I know you love me, I’m sure you won’t throw me to the wolves.”

“Then claim your prize” Jiho turned to face him fully, still smiling. 

Minhyuk moved forward and pressed his lips against Jiho’s, and really, it was nothing heavy, but this was better than any of the other open-mouthed, desperate kisses they have shared in the past, because, now, the kiss was full of meaning, and full of the warmth that they had both been seeking for, for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still have two more chapters planned. Keep reading <3


	13. Spice

The wolves were tamer than Minhyuk had imagined them to be. He made it out the diner unscathed, but he couldn’t help but let out the heavy breath he had been withholding since the stage ended and reality crept back into his veins. Seeing Jiho rap and hype the crowd up had Minhyuk jumping and smiling from where he stood, eyes shining in that ‘this guy is mine’ way, and when Jiho’s eyes lingered a second too long and winked at him, he felt as if he was about to burst. It was also a painful reminder of how scared he was of Jiho, because the songs were mostly diss tracks and the way Jiho meshed together with all his fellow rappers made Minhyuk a little sad, but he tried to crush down the feeling and be happy for him because he’s up there doing what he likes doing the best. 

The happiness was short-lived, though, and although Minhyuk to his surprise was well-received, mostly because he had started pouring out praises to each person backstage and had more to offer during dinner (though he secretly suspects it is actually because he never for the life of him attempted to rap nor pretended that he knows how to), and offers funny Jiho stories to them in a silver plate to save his skin, he had felt... uneasy.

Sure, Jiho had told him that he loved him but... is it something that he can trust? What is it to love, anyway? What does it entail? What and how long does one have to endure to say that they love, or are loved? Maybe Minhyuk will never be sure. But one thing he is sure of, though, is that he never wants to hold Jiho back, not for his own selfishness, not even if it would kill him. So he says all these to Jiho, using other words but meaning the same things, when finally they are able to be alone in the hotel that the organizers had booked for him. “Did you ever think of going solo, Jiho?”

The younger boy was in the process of changing his clothes, but he stopped immediately and tilted his head to look at Minhyuk, eyes narrowing. “Why are you asking me that?”

“Just answer me.”

He was turning now, facing Minhyuk fully, his expression soft and worried. “Hyung...”

“You have, have you?” There was a stillness in the air, and they were both looking at each other, not moving, for a while, until Minhyuk settled down on a chair facing the vanity, the sadness in his face reflected by the mirror. “You know, we wouldn’t blame you, if you did.”

“That’s in the past.” Jiho’s voice was gruff, muffled, almost as if he was trying to rein in his emotions the last minute before he spoke. 

“If you think that it would be best for you, don’t let us drag you down—”

“Hyung!” He was angry now, and he dropped the pants on the floor he was trying to put on, clearly offended. His face was twisted with emotion. “Yes once that’s what I thought, but we all got better didn’t we? That was the cocky, naive, nineteen-year-old Jiho. He grew up now, I grew up. I don’t think that anymore, please believe me.” Minhyuk was still quiet, and Jiho let out a desperate breath. “I told you all once, right? That if there’s one thing I’m proud of, it’s Block B. I meant that, I really meant that. Why would you even doubt me?”

“I don’t doubt you” Minhyuk looked up at him with a sad smile. “I know you’re proud of us, Jiho. It’s just that... we do love you, you know. And we will understand if you leave, if one day you feel that you are caged.”

“I don’t feel caged” he answered back almost immediately, his eyebrows furrowed together.

But Minhyuk wouldn’t listen. “The same goes with us.” 

The anger was back in Jiho’s voice, and he looked down on him with tears burning in his eyes, the ones that don’t spill but sting nonetheless. “Why are you being like this, hyung? Did I do something wrong? Did I say something wrong again?”

Minhyuk stood up and reached out his hand to caress Jiho’s face, “No. You’re perfect. You’re really perfect. And I love you, I really do. You don’t know how much I...” His voice faltered, turned almost into a whisper as he said the words that he had been aching to say. “I just want you to know... that if you find someone better than me, break up with me, alright? Don’t hesitate—”

Jiho yanked his hand off his face, gripping it tightly with both his hands. “Don’t you dare. Hyung don’t you dare tell me that. I just found what makes me happy, and that’s you, and don’t tell me otherwise, because I know what I feel. I may not be the type to kiss you and tell you I love you, hold your hand while we walk, or stay up all night cuddling, but! But, goddamnit, every time I see something good, all I can think of is giving it to you. You may not constantly be on my mind, I admit that, is that how it’s supposed to be? I don’t know, I don’t fucking know. There are a lot of things I don’t know. But I do know, that when I do think about you, I feel so...” he placed a hand on his chest, not knowing how to explain it in words, and Minhyuk’s face softened. “So, if anyone is bound to leave between the two of us, it’s not me.”

Minhyuk was silent for a moment, conflicted, desperately wanting to believe. Jiho is nothing if not honest, and the desperation in his face is screaming that he would do anything to make Minhyuk believe. So Minhyuk nods, for now, nods and puts his head against Jiho’s shoulder, one hand clasped on Jiho’s, the other falling limply by his side. He felt the younger boy’s head lean against his, and he wanted to cry to dispel the heaviness in his chest, but he couldn’t. He was beyond that now, that kind of sadness that makes you stop and accept what other bad things will come next. This may well be the happiest moment in Minhyuk’s life, but the source of that happiness is too unexpected, too... unreal... that he feared to accept it fully. But... just now, maybe only now, Minhyuk allowed himself to smile.

 

~~

 

They resumed their routine back in Seoul, being in the same room doing different things and not talking to each other, until one of them gets hungry and asks the other one what he wants to eat. Sometimes they’re in Minhyuk’s apartment, sometimes in the recording studio, sometimes in the dance studio. Sometimes they’re alone together, oftentimes with the other members. Sometimes they will not see each other for days, not one call, not one text, but they would always return to the apartment, and kiss the other on the temple, and say that they’ve come back. 

Then they started getting busy for their comeback, a few tracks in line, more dances to learn, more interviews to attend, more shows to do, and really, it feels like they are back in Square 1, back when both of them were pining after a guy who is clueless about what he is causing, oblivious to each other’s presence, both close and detached at the same time. But then, sometimes they would catch themselves looking at each other, and one of them would smile, and the other would smile back. Sometimes, one of them would put his food in the other’s bowl, or pass a bottle of water, or lean against the other’s shoulder when they’re tired and resting backstage. And though these moments might be very mundane in other people’s eyes, they do feel that it is enough.

Is this not love? Minhyuk thought to himself, playing with Jiho’s stiff bleached hair, the other snoring on his lap and Kyung giving him weird looks. Then Yukwon walked by, yawning, stretching as he walked, all toned arms and toned legs, and he turned to Minhyuk and Jiho, blinked, and then he was grinning. He grinned and Minhyuk did not have enough energy to manage a small smile, because, all he could think of was, ‘what do I have to offer against that?’. That phrase kept popping in Minhyuk’s head more often now, now that they are resuming group activities and they had to perform with other idol groups, which meant leader-nim talking and laughing and touching those girls and guys he had nothing to offer against.

Really, what is love?

Minhyuk’s coping mechanism was to dance until he felt like he would collapse, because he was angry, frustrated, and even if Jiho smiled the brightest when Minhyuk walks into the room, all he could think of is ‘how long would that last?’, and he hated himself for thinking that, for being weak. And someone so weak he could not fight against himself, and more so incapable of fighting against the world, is not the type of person who could stand proudly beside Woo Jiho. 

“Take it easy, hyung” Jiho had told him one day, energy drink in one hand. “Drink that, just so you don’t collapse. But no more dancing today, alright?”

And he nodded, but he knew he would do it again.

And again.

And again.

Until one day he could not get up from bed. He was running a very high fever, he was delirious, and he was convulsing. He was only able to dial the manager’s number and was speaking incoherently. They rushed him to the hospital and he stayed there, drifting in and out of consciousness for three days. The moment he was all better, sitting up the bed and eating taro pudding, Jiho’s first words to him were, “What the fuck were you thinking?”

Minhyuk rolled his eyes at him and continued chewing. He shifted his attention from the whitewashed walls to the window, his head turned away from the huffing Jiho who had obviously ran from somewhere to here. 

Jaehyo stood up and tried to calm him down. “It’s not the time, Jiho. Let him rest.”

“He’s been resting for days.”

A sigh. “He’s tired. If you’re going to shout you better leave. Someone might hear you.”

“The fuck do I care?” he responded, glaring at Jaehyo and revelling at the fact that he was taller than him, by a couple of centimetres, but still taller than him. 

“You might not care but I do. We all do.” Jaehyo’s voice was stern, resolved, but not unkind.

Jiho backed off, mouthed a “sorry, hyung” and left.

Their manager decided that Minhyuk is not to be left alone, he’s to stay in the dorm temporarily, and sure enough Jiho is waiting for him by the door. He had expected a continuation of the scolding, and steeled himself, his whole body rigid and waiting for the barrage of questions. But instead Jiho hugged him, and, to everybody’s surprise, took Minhyuk’s face between his hands and kissed him. 

It was a short kiss, but everybody saw it. While Tae-il and Jihoon and Yukwon all stared with mouths agape at Jiho, Kyung and Jaehyo who had known about the two of them all along instead looked at the manager, who was surprised for the first ten seconds and eyes growing dark the next ten. 

Before anybody could say anything, the manager was pulling Jiho in a corner, and he did not resist. Jaehyo led them all to the kitchen, muttering about how Jiho almost burned the house down trying to cook porridge for Minhyuk. Tae-il closed the door and demanded to be told what was happening when everybody was seated. “We deserve to know, Minhyuk” he was saying with as much force as his sweet voice could manage. 

“We’re together. Anything wrong with that?” Minhyuk was instantly guarded. He had never expected acceptance, not from any of them. Maybe Kyung and Jaehyo were fine with it, but not many people are. Although Jihoon and Tae-il had always been the premium Block B fantasy couple, it didn’t mean they would approve. Fans would rant and rave about the bromance, and bromance was fine, but when things start getting real who knows how they would react. Who knows how many would say they are disgusting, going against laws both natural and supernatural, who knows how many of them would leave. 

“Watch your tone.” Minhyuk had forgotten how scary Tae-il could be when he’s pissed. “I’m not attacking you, I’m simply asking. How long has this been going on?”

“A few months” he answered, gaze trailed on the table. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong” Kyung butt in.

“And you, rascal” Tae-il was addressing Kyung now, eyes steely. “You knew about this. Why keep it a secret?”

“What good could it have done?”

“Do you take us for fools? I’m still older than you, you know. It would have explained all that tension. What happens to us individually affects us as a group. Jihoon was so worried about what’s wrong he cries in his sleep, and I don’t have the answers. After all that crap in Thailand, each one of us defending you and Jiho, to the end, don’t you think we can be trusted enough?”

Kyung’s gaze was directed on Jihoon, now, whose face was red and head down cast. Kyung took his hand and squeezed it. “I’m sorry, Jihoonie, hyung is sorry. I’ll never keep anything from you again. It’s just that... Jiho’s parents took it badly when they found out that he is... that he likes boys... and they sent him to Japan and wouldn’t talk to him. I don’t... I was afraid of that happening again. I don’t want Jiho to be alone again.” The room fell into even more silence. Suddenly Jihoon squeezed his hand back, and said, “It’s okay, hyung, but never again, alright? I didn’t know that, and I know now, and I understand. Don’t worry, I’ll still be throwing flowers in the red carpet Jiho-hyung walks in.” This earned him a laugh. “So don’t keep secrets, okay? You can trust me.”

Kyung nodded, smiling. “I’ll even tell you the color of my underwear every day, I swear I’ll be that transparent.”

“Hyung, eww” he responded, but he was smiling, too.

“Then I should say sorry, too” Jaehyo piped in. “I also knew about it from the start. Honestly, it took a lot of hard work to bring them together. So I never really thought about anything else but.”

“Really?” Yukwon was grinning up at him. “Wow, hyung, I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“See?” Jaehyo sighed. “Nobody really believes in me here, what am I doing tolerating all of you.”

Kyung leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Don’t worry, hyung, I believe in you.”

Jaehyo wiped the kiss with the sleeve of Kyung’s shirt. “I’d rather you don’t.”

They all laughed, but only shortly, because everybody was still worried about Jiho. Tae-il cleared his throat and resumed his responsibilities as the eldest. “We’re all really glad for the two of you, Minhyuk.” This earned him a dimpled smile. “But I hope you know what you have to endure. We understand because we love you, but the outside world is not that loving. So if you’re sure about this, we’ll support you. But if this is just a whim or a call of hormones, then I suggest you call it off.”

“It’s not” Minhyuk assured him. “I do...” he blushed, tearing his eyes off his hyung, “I do love him. A lot. More than... I could have imagined.”

Jihoon was jumping from his seat, grinning. “Isn’t this exciting, hyung? Minhyuk-hyung, I also never imagined that you could be like this. I’m happy, but also really, really scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“Of walking in on you” he giggled, and Minhyuk reached over the table to slap his arm. 

“Oh, right” Tae-il interjected. “Please, no sex in communal spaces. Really, please. If you have to do it, do it in your apartment. And Jihoon, give Minhyuk back his key.”

Jihoon whined.

“It’s for your own good.”

“Are you at that stage already, hyung? That’s fast” Yukwon remarked, making Minhyuk blush more. “I’m starting to get jealous. But I do agree with Taeil-hyung. The dance studio... and its bathrooms... are sacred places. I know you get to see Jiho naked a lot there...” his mind was drifting off somewhere, and he perked up like he just discovered something. “... my God, I understand your predicament. How can you dance when you’re hard all the time? That’s amazing.”

“Yukwon!” Another slap, this time harder. “The dance studio and its bathrooms are also sacred to me, you know! Just like the recording studio—and its bathroom—are sacred to Jiho. So don’t you worry about that!”

“And the van. And your car. Are also sacred places, right?” Jaehyo added, his voice tentative.

Minhyuk decided to play along. He wasn’t used to being the center of all the teasing, watching passively as Jaehyo took the brunt of it all, and it’s exhausting. “My car is none of your concern” he said, which earned him a plethora of “ewws” and “I will never ride in that thing ever” and “Did you have it washed last week when you took me to the studio?” and “so that explains the smell”.

“Seriously, though, hyung” Yukwon’s voice was more sober. “Now that it’s you and Jiho against the world, we’ll fight with you. Like, if Luffy and Sanji decided to date, I’m sure Zorro, Nami, and Robin, and Usopp and Chopper would battle against any adversary and defend them with all their might. And even if the ship sinks we’ll swim to shore, build another one, and sail on again. And FYI, I have dibs on Zorro.”

Minhyuk laughed and ruffled his hair. “You watch too much anime.” 

And Minhyuk smiled, and took on all their smiles, and the way they fought over who is going to be who, and his heart clenched with all the support that he was being given, all the love that he was being given without being asked for anything in return. Yes, he does love Jiho. Enough to care less if his idol career would crash and burn. The question is, would Jiho do the same for him?

 

~~

 

When the door to the kitchen opened, Jiho’s face was solemn. “He wants to talk to you” he addressed Minhyuk, and the latter stood up hastily, heart pounding, but not before extending a hand to Jiho to see if they were still in it together. “I’m sorry” Jiho said, but reached out to squeeze Minhyuk’s cold hands. The elder shook his head, smiled up to him in consolation. “Don’t be. I’m happy you’re not ashamed.” Jiho smiled back at him shyly and intertwined their fingers.

Somebody cleared his throat. “This is nice and all, but I also think this is not good for our eyes.” It was Kyung. “Please go fight for your love now, hyung. You can touch each other as much as you want later, we’ll be hiding in the mall.”

If it had been a lecture about morality or the repercussions of their actions in their career, Minhyuk would have been able to hold his ground fairly well, but their manager was sensible enough to realize that at least one of them is too stubborn to give up easily, so all he said was, “I’m lying if I said I don’t find this... disturbing. But I’m your manager, I should be more concerned about your well-being, and Block B’s well-being. I told Jiho this, that I don’t want you to disband, and not only because it would cost me my job, but I truly believe that you will make it big. So all I ask of the two of you is to keep this under wraps, at least until you’ve reached your peak. I won’t say a word to anybody, and I’ll let you do whatever the hell you plan to do with each other, just as long as it won’t compromise your performances. This means no sex on the job, and Minhyuk, you’re the main dancer, so please, no rough sex.”

Minhyuk rolled his eyes. “I know. We know. We’re careful. See, you didn’t even notice anything even if we’re almost always together.”

“Because he’s always at your apartment lately. Be careful of your neighbours, alright? This will be hard, really, I hope you know what you’re getting into. You can’t date, you can’t be seen doing anything intimate in public. You can fool around on stage but not off it, and you can’t tell anybody about your relationship. Some people appear nice but they also have their own opinions, and you’ll be surprised how fast they’ll turn their backs on you. He’s your boyfriend when you’re alone, but at the same time he’s also everybody’s boyfriend. So no getting jealous, no fighting, or at least if you fight you please call me and we’ll figure it out. You get me?”

Minhyuk nodded. “Yes, hyung. I understand.”

“Good. I really hope you do. Because, as callous as this may sound, some of those boys will never get a second shot if you disband. You, included. The moment you joined Block B, it’s not only about you anymore. And you’re a hyung, so protect your dongsaengs.”

“Thank you, really. For thinking about us first. You’re very kind.”

“Yeah, that’s what’s nice about getting old. You learn that happiness is hard to come by, and harder for some than for others. In your world there’s little to be happy about.” He put a hand on Minhyuk’s shoulder. “You have the happiness of six people to worry about, Minhyuk, don’t screw this up.”

The knot in Minhyuk’s stomach tightened. It’s only now that he had realized what a big deal their relationship is, and how much damage it would cause if they are found out, or if they break up and everything goes south. He really needs to talk to Jiho about this. Tonight, he’ll talk to him tonight.

 

~~

 

The manager shot Minhyuk a warning look as he and Jiho left for his apartment. Minhyuk gave him a polite nod to indicate his understanding. He really isn’t in the mood for anything sexual right now, not with the poison apple stuck in his throat and threatening to choke him. They were silent during the whole ride, each not knowing how to approach the topic. When they reached the flat Minhyuk immediately excused himself to take a shower, he really needed to clear his head. He had almost died trying to deal with his compounded anger, and compounded fear, and yet there he was promising the manager that he would not do anything to the detriment of the group. It also didn’t help that everybody has high expectations of their relationship, like it was rosy and would last forever.

Jiho was lying down on his bed staring at the ceiling when he emerged from the shower, towel wrapped securely around his waist. Jiho gave him one look and turned his body away towards the wall. “Why do you have abs, that’s unfair” he finally said when Minhyuk was already done dressing and had sat down by his feet. 

The elder chuckled. “I danced until I almost died, that’s how.” He reached for Jiho’s stomach and pinched it. “Don’t worry, I think this is cute. More of you to hug. The more Jiho, the better.”

Jiho laughed and swatted his hand away. “I know you don’t like me for my looks, hyung. I’m not worried about that.”

Minhyuk frowned down at him. “Wrong. What else do you have but your hotness, huh?”

“You think I’m hot?” Jiho’s grin was wide, teasing, eyebrow arched.

“I told you before, didn’t I?”

“Eh, that was lip service for a kiss.”

“And what makes you think it’s not lip service for a kiss now?” he teased back, draping his body on Jiho’s side and pressing kisses across his arm.

Jiho giggled but pushed him away. “No, hyung, no sex on the job, right? We have an interview early tomorrow.”

“That’s tomorrow. We have five hours before midnight, plenty of time to sleep.”

“Come on, you just came back from the land of the dying. Rest, okay?”

“I’ve been resting for days. Even you said that.”

“Fine, lie back and I’ll suck you off.”

“Whatever, never mind,” Minhyuk pouted and settled on the space beside him, pulling on the blanket over his body.

Jiho got up and straddled his hips. “No, really, if you want I’ll suck you off. No problem.”

“And no, really, never mind. I can wait. Just make an exception today and cuddle with me.”

He grinned. “Let me wash up first.”

When Jiho came back he had already changed into his shorts, and he climbed on the bed, pushing Minhyuk over to the wall. Minhyuk turned and swung one leg over his, one arm circling around his stomach, and head on Jiho’s chest. “Why are you so light? I’m feeding you fat for three days” Jiho observed.

“Jiho. Are you sure about this?” Minhyuk’s voice was quiet, just above a whisper.

The younger jerked his chin down to look at him, but all he could see is the top of his head. He put an arm around Minhyuk and pulled him closer. “I don’t say ‘I love you’ to anybody just because I feel like it. You know that I’m not an impulsive person.”

Somehow, this lightened the heavy feeling in Minhyuk’s chest a little. “I want you to say that to me again when you’ve smelled my fart.”

“Hyung I went to the comfort room after you many, many times before. We’ve slept in one bed for years and you do fart in your sleep. You also snore. And after dancing for hours your feet smell like decaying rats.” Minhyuk pinched his side. “Ouch. Fine, that last sentence was an exaggeration. All I’m saying is, we’ve been living like a couple with five grown children who are sometimes childish, what more can you shock me with?”

“We don’t have much in common.” Minhyuk was blunt. What he had wanted to ask, of course, was what Jiho saw in him, but for some reason the question remained stuck in his throat, so he dished out the more trivial ones. 

“We love music, we love to shop, and out of the seven of us we’re the most tidy. And also, even if everybody keeps saying that I’m stubborn, you are, too. You get into fights a lot with the members, especially Jaehyo-hyung.”

You, me and a whole lot of people, was the first response in Minhyuk’s head. Not that he would ever say it out loud. 

And even though he hummed and pulled Jiho closer, the currents crashing violently in his heart weren’t quelled.

 

~~

 

The more they settled into a pattern, the more Minhyuk realized the predicament they’re currently in. Hundreds of thousands of fans, international tours, album releases, all gone in a snap; he’ll never be able to dance professionally again, and Jiho can never return to the underground... or the ground above. Disbanding meant Jihoon breaking down, and none of them, not Yukwon, or Kyung, or Taeil, or Jaehyo able to participate in the K-pop scene. At least, not for a long, long time. Seeing them take the stage again, bearing the gravity of that decision, made Minhyuk sober up. If he has to risk the hard work of all these people, he has to be sure it’s something that would last. He doesn’t doubt that Jiho likes him, that much he is sure of, with the way that he smiles or holds his hands and gently squeezes it when they’re about to hit the stage, or the way he wipes the sweat off Minhyuk’s neck after a show; it’s endearing, it’s all endearing. But he does know that at this point their relationship is a fragile thread, something that is stronger on his end, and if he pulls harder, the delicate juncture holding him and Jiho would snap.

Maybe Jiho does not realize this. Their love, if love it is, is a precarious balance, and they could feel them tip-toeing around each other. However passionate Jiho’s declaration has been, is it something that is directed specifically to him, or is it a transferrable thought? And if it is temporary, could they last long enough to ride it out until they have reached their peak?

Because, Minhyuk has had a history of being left, and it wasn’t just one time. If Jiho can survive with minor burns he definitely can’t, not when they would constantly see each other and have to communicate with each other both verbally and nonverbally. So he had to be sure, and weighing everything until he was awake at five in the morning, not one wink of sleep, he waited for Jiho to come home. 

He does, thirty minutes later, trudging by the door with a tired look on his face, having spent majority of his time staring at the screen and coming up with nothing. His eyes were red. His eyes were red and Minhyuk would’ve backed out if his weren’t redder. Jiho spotted him by the sofa, and looked at him curiously. “Were you waiting for me?”

“Yes” Minhyuk said, straightening up, his voice hushed, but steady. He had to do this now, while their manager is away. “Jiho, let’s end this.”

The younger boy’s eyes widened with surprise when understanding dawned. He was half-awake and half-asleep, and after the surprise came the shock, after it, the fear. “What did I do wrong again? Is it because I’ve been neglecting you? I swear I—”

“No. No it’s not that. I’m not a teenager. We don’t have to see each other or be together every day. Will you please sit down? I want to explain to you, properly.” Even Minhyuk was surprised at how calm his voice is. Even his heart was calm. 

“I can’t. I’m too nervous.”

“Alright, then. Before I say anything I just want you to know that you made me feel very special, and very safe, and if we weren’t idols, I wouldn’t give half a fuck about anything. I’ll be with you until you throw me away, I wouldn’t care.” The fear in Jiho’s face was apparent, and he was biting his lip waiting for the punch. Minhyuk walked closer to him so that the sofa wasn’t separating them. “But we are. And I’m sure even if Sanji loved Luffy very much, if it means that the whole crew would be in danger because of it, he would rather die of loneliness. If I will sink into the sea because I love you, I really would die happy. But not if I know I’ll be sinking six others with me, I really can’t. That’s what I feel, Jiho, what about you?”

He was silent for a moment, lips drawn into a thin line, the combination of exhaustion and despair drawing him near the brink of breaking down. But he saw how resigned but determined Minhyuk is, contradictory as it may seem, and he forced himself into civility. “Why, why do you always doubt what I feel for you? Why are you so sure we would sink? Don’t you think Luffy knows what he wants, and is strong enough to protect it? Didn’t the whole three hundred episodes prove that?”

“Do you, really? If I didn’t make a move on you in the first place, would you fall in love with me on your own?”

Jiho fell silent, the tears drying at the back of his eyes. He hadn’t thought about that, really. He just knows how strong he feels. His voice was rising now, and if the members are in the dorm or not he doesn’t really feel like he particularly cares right now. “Does it really matter how I fell in love? This is real, and you keep pushing me away. You’re always asking me if I really want this, if I’m really sure, but I could ask you the same thing! Were you actually waiting for me to break up with you so you wouldn’t do it? Helping me to realize that we’re not really compatible so you don’t have to do the dirty job?” The anger quickly turned to despair, though, and much as he didn’t want to beg his next words were nothing short of begging, “What more do I have to do, hyung? What more do you want me to say? What more do you want, goddamnit, I swear I’ll do them all.”

“For how long, huh, Jiho?” Minhyuk felt his heart break a little, but better to deal with all the pain now, while the wound is still small, than have it all accumulate and break like a dam in the future. “What do you even like about me? Judging by the people you like, from Kyung to Yukwon to Jaehyo, do you know what they all have in common?” Jiho looked at him in frustration. “They’re really warm and really kind to you. And then I came in, and did all the caring without you asking for it, but if I didn’t do that, if I was just regular Minhyuk-hyung who can sing a little and dance a little, who’s always awkward and whom you always scold in the studio, would you even spare me a glance?”

Jiho’s rage was unrestrained now. “So you’re accusing me of being a parasite? Isn’t it normal to fall in love with a person who actually works hard for you to like them? Do you think so lowly of me that you think I’d suck you dry until there’s no more of you, and then I’d leave? Because being with you isn’t exactly a walk in the park, Lee Minhyuk! How dare you say that you’re the only one who worked hard for this to happen?”

“I’m not saying it was easy for you—”

“Then what, hyung?!” he screamed, the tears falling without his consent now. “I did everything I can, and maybe I’m not very good at it but I have improved in showing you, haven’t I? I reciprocated everything, and you... and you... and all of that was a show?” He was crying openly now, but he still managed to grip Minhyuk’s collars and shove him up the whole. “Hyung I love you, I love you... why are you doing this to me?”

“I’m saying that wasn’t me half the time!” Minhyuk eased the knuckles pressed against his neck, looking up at Jiho and mirroring his anguish. “That... that Minhyuk that you fell in love with... what if half of it was a lie?”

“What...” the confusion was back on his face. “What are you saying?”

“I was really afraid you would leave” he breathed, voice shaky now, but making sure to keep Kyung and Jaehyo out of it. “You were having so many individual activities, and you keep pushing us into different groups, and then you never come to the dorm or talk to any of us. You’re spending so much time with other artists, it got me worried. When I found out you liked Yukwon, I knew that was my only chance. He’s one of the reasons that you’re so distant, but I know that if he liked you back, you would stay. I know Yukwon very much, I really did like him, and so I imitated the things that he would do, things I thought you liked about him. That he’s warm, that he’s caring, and that he’s so innocent. I know you long for him to hold you, too. And so I became... that.”

Jiho’s eyes were wide with horror, tears stopping momentarily, as the moments when Minhyuk made him laugh and smile flashed furiously inside his brain. He withdrew his hands from Minhyuk’s shirt and stepped away from him. “Then what... goddamnit, what was real, in any of that? What the fuck was real, in anything—”

“I love you. I do. That’s what’s real. You may find it hard to believe but... that’s why I don’t want you to be with me, if that’s the kind of person you want. You deserve to be loved by someone like that, but that’s not me. That’s why I’m asking you what you like about me, because—”

“Don’t you dare say you love me!” he interrupted, brain catching up with Minhyuk’s words. “How can you fucking say that? Fuck you, hyung! How can I... oh God... oh God...” He was collapsing on the floor now, hands flailing to grasp anything nearby. Minhyuk reached out for him after the initial shock passed, but Kyung, who woke up from the shouting and could do nothing but listen quietly, hidden from view, was quicker. 

Jiho felt the air leave his lungs. He feels dizzy now, so dizzy that the room was spinning around him and his eyes felt like they were tumbling around in his skull. Before he could lose all feeling to his body he forced his legs to run to the bathroom, his instincts guiding him because fuck, his vision is too blurred and he can’t breathe properly and he can’t think, he could only feel. He draped his head over the toilet bowl and heaved what little he has eaten yesterday morning, but his stomach won’t stop churning and his eyeballs were still dancing around his head and he vomited once more, tasting something bitter in his mouth. There was nothing to expel except gastric acid and the two bottles of red bull he had downed last night to keep him awake, but all of it went down the drain. 

The floor tiles were cold and his hands were cold, but Jiho could feel someone stroking his back, handing him a warm wet towel and wiping the mess around his mouth and his shirt. “Jiho, it’s alright. Calm down, it’s alright.” It was Kyung’s voice. He really is the only person Jiho could trust. In all the world. Why is he trying to fall in love with anybody else, if all of them end up being even more painful than having Kyung reject him? 

He just feels so tired, so tired he cried like a baby on Kyung’s shirt, not caring if the tears leave stains on the white material of his best friend’s favorite pyjamas. He cried until his throat felt dry. Cried until he he felt Jihoon’s own tears fall down his face when he bent down to stroke his hair. Cried until he felt Jaehyo wrap a blanket around him and hold his hand. Cried until Taeil took him from Kyung’s arms and rubbed small hands around his back, sobbing quietly with him. Cried until Minhyuk came shuffling quietly by the bathroom door, and everybody yelled for him to get out, get back to his apartment, and never show his shameful face again. So it wasn’t only Kyung who was listening.

And Jiho knows he has to stop crying. It wasn’t Minhyuk’s fault. It was his. He keeps fucking everything up. He can’t let Block B fall because of him again. Never again.

So he stood up and wiped the tears from his eyes. And his voice may be shaky and his legs wobbling, but he had to keep them together. “I’m sorry, Minhyuk-hyung. I know this is my fault, and please, please, don’t blame him” he said, looking at the other members briefly. “It’s my fault. It’s true, what you’ve heard. I will never leave Block B, but I... my actions state otherwise. It’s just that, when I’m inspired I just push through to get what I want, without thinking about its effects on the people around me. You did have cause to worry, because I was almost never around this past months. Just know, that it’s always been my dream to work with these artists, and I was so happy getting that chance that I forgot... I forget whose leader I am.”

“Jiho...” Kyung began.

“No. Let me finish” he squeezed Kyung’s hand. “I wanted you to do your own activities so that you would get noticed more. I’d hate it if I was really more popular than all of you. I also wanted you to improve, and to discover what you can do, or what you want to do. I did that because that’s also how I found myself, when I was alone and had nobody to hold on to, when I wasn’t in my comfort zone and I was forced to think seriously about what more I can do, what more I want from life. I forgot that not all people operate that way, so I didn’t think it would send a different message.”

Jiho tried his best to smile. “So please don’t blame Minhyuk-hyung. I know you also had doubts, and maybe he’s one of the oldest so he took responsibility. I don’t want us to break up. Really. We’re all bad at expressing emotions, so this is the only time I’ll say this. Maybe someday we would part ways, but it would break my heart if we were to part ways now. We’ve been through a lot to get here, and those were troubled times but we decided to stay. I will stay, and I want you all to stay. And just like we have done in the past, we will fight our way to the top. We can’t back down without reaching the top. We can’t...”

The room was quiet for a minute. Six heads were downcast, until one bobbed up and broke the silence with his soft voice. “Jiho’s right you know” Taeil was saying. “Even I thought he was readying us because he plans to go solo. I know because I talked to the manager about this. You’ve had an offer, right? From YG. Better than the last one? I saw his secretary in the office, and confronted him. Manager said you don’t want to push through with it, but you didn’t really turn him down for good also. I wouldn’t blame you if you went, really.”

“It was a moment of weakness, hyung. I swear...”

“It’s fine. Your words are clear. Even I myself would think twice before telling them no.” He turned his attention to Minhyuk. “But Minhyuk... you shouldn’t play with people’s emotions like that. It doesn’t matter what the reason is. If you have some concerns don’t keep it to yourself. Talk to us. That’s how we survived the lawsuit, that’s how we survived Thailand. So don’t take drastic procedures like these. Some people never recover from emotional blows.”

“That was my...” Jaehyo was about to say, but Minhyuk glared at him and interrupted.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, really. That was selfish of me. I didn’t behave like a hyung.” He shifted his attention to Jiho, who looked back at him for one second before dropping his gaze back to the floor. “And Jiho. I meant what I said. I will wait for your answer. Think about what you want, and if what you want is me, I’ll stop caring about anything else. If it turns out it’s not me you want, I will help you find him. That’s what Sanji would do, right?”

They all managed to smile at the reference, but the confession of love still made the atmosphere awkward.

“Yukwon-hyung still cannot be Zorro” Jihoon said after much deliberation, and the anxiety dispelled like mist in the sun when Kyung replied, “Yeah but it’s also not you. Because you’re Chopper,” which prompted their unfinished argument.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter will be posted next week. I really want the ending to be as good as I can make it on my current level, so it will take some time. Enjoy <3


	14. Everything Nice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Lots of dialogue and description of inner turmoil (also, extremely, believe me, extremely cheesy). But if you like the story so far, please read thoroughly :)

Woo Jiho is turning twenty-three in September. He claims to have fallen in love three times in his whole life time, has had one formal relationship with a girl back in high school, has written and collaborated in writing and performing several love songs and has seen countless movies with romantic themes (albeit side-stories). That’s all the experience he has, so thinking seriously about what love is makes his brain fizzle in exhaustion, and he thinks he can never write another love song again, because the definition of love he has carried around in his mind all this time has been disproven to nothingness.

 

The mood among the seven of them has lightened, after everything that had happened a few nights ago. Yukwon was demanding to know the details, whining that he would move back to the dorm when they just smiled at him and laughed. Surprisingly, Minhyuk was not awkward around him. In fact, he was more at ease than he has ever been, maybe because his fear of their leader has been reduced considerably now. He dotes on Jiho less than before when he declared to Kyung that he knows how to flirt, preferring to sleep in various positions every time they have a break. He had, however, stuck to his deadly eight to eight dancing schedule every full day he gets to himself, and dances in between. Sometimes he would hum a melody and come running to Jiho, asking him if it’s something he’s heard of before and if they could use it. Their interactions had been minimized to work-related exchanges. In fact, he talks more to Taeil and Jihoon the dancing duo (among many other duo things they do) now that they’re having more group activities.

 

Minhyuk had not asked him about his answer, not even nonverbally, and Jiho is left to look for the answers himself. They say that when you meet the love of your life you would experience certain mysterious physical reactions. When he looks at Minhyuk, or touches him, he doesn’t feel anything electric, nothing but a swell of pride, but one which he also feels looking at growing maknae Jihoon. It’s not physical, either, because Yukwon has the better body between the two of them, rivalled by Jaehyo, and even by Jiho himself. It’s also not based on his personality, because he likes Kyung better in that regard; Kyung is funnier, Taeil-hyung is even funnier. It’s also not because Minhyuk was the only person who has confessed to him outright, because Minhyuk’s words had made him more aware of how attractive he seems to be to other people, idols at that, and even if the attention is welcome he does not feel compelled to act on them. Minhyuk is also not the kindest person, because he tends to snap when he’s angry, and even not the most caring, because helping does not come as naturally to him as it does to Jihoon.

 

All this thinking made Jiho consider that one day he’s going to rationalize himself out of love from Minhyuk, but when he thinks he has fallen out of love for the older boy he finds himself caring too much than he usually did, and he knew he wouldn’t be happy if their relationship remained as it is. Mind made up, he followed Minhyuk to his car and sat shotgun while avoiding Minhyuk’s awed stare.  

 

“It’s Kyung, isn’t it?”

 

Minhyuk raised an eyebrow at him.

 

“You’re so scared of me, you say, but you still went after me. So you would never do that if nobody encouraged you.”

 

Fear began to pump in Minhyuk’s veins. If there’s one thing he is sure about, it’s that Kyung treasures his friendship with Jiho the most, and he’s not about to destroy that. But when he looked up to try and make an excuse to save Kyung from Jiho’s wrath, the younger boy was looking at him rather serenely.

 

“You don’t have to worry about me, hyung” Jiho smiled, eyes warm with understanding. “I’m fine now. I’ve seen the error of my ways, so to speak. I know Kyung only has my best interest at heart, and you’re right, I have been pulling away from the group. Anyway, if there’s anybody who cares for me, it’s him, so you don’t have to cover up. I’m sure he made a very persuasive argument about why you should pursue me.”

 

“But I do care about you, too” Minhyuk protested when he realized what Jiho meant. “I didn’t say I love you out of obligation, Woo Jiho. Don’t tell me you said you love me out of desperation, because I’m really going to pummel you until you’re not six feet tall anymore.”

 

Jiho looked confused. All he can do is stare at Minhyuk slack-jawed. “Are you... for real?” he said after a long moment of shocked silence.

 

The response made the elder cross. “You falling in love with me is more puzzling, you know. How could you... It’s not like I have a low self-esteem, but I’m not blind. On the ladder going up heaven you’re already halfway there and I’m barely floundering to make it up the second step. That’s how large the gap between you and I are. And don’t tell me it’s not true because I’m not stupid, either.”

 

Jiho did not even wait for a breath before saying back, “But that’s where you’re headed, right?”

 

Minhyuk blinked. “What?”

 

“Heaven.”

 

Again. “What? Are you being an alien right now?”

 

“You know why I know I love you?”

 

“No. Isn’t that what I’ve been—”

 

Jiho looked like he was in a trance and couldn’t hear Minhyuk talking. He was looking forward at the windshield but his mind was elsewhere. “Because I find myself wanting to do more for you. If I’m headed anywhere, I want you to be there with me. When you told me I could leave you behind without feeling bad about it, because I’m headed to greater things, I can’t bear it that you’re not headed to greater things. Or think that you can’t head towards greater things.” He sighed, frowned, not even looking at Minhyuk. “When you said that, I couldn’t sleep. I kept scolding myself because I wasn’t doing my job as your leader. And then I said I love you without even considering that there isn’t much I have done to back that up. It’s just a claim. I see now, what I have failed to do with Kyung then, and Yukwon also then, and then you now. I just keep saying things but I don’t do enough to show them. And so now I’ve tried my best to show you. Love is not a feeling, but an action, right? That’s what I’ve learned from you. And that a leader can also stay in the background, but one who helps others grow with him. Or her. Just like you’re always the silent hyung but you work hard in helping us with things you know best. You don’t get annoyed and you don’t get tired, and you look so proud when we’re able to follow. I also want to be like that.” That smile again, but this time the Jiho returned Minhyuk’s gaze, and the look on his face was so... “Hyung, you’re amazing, you know that?”

 

Minhyuk felt a tear go down his cheek, but only because it was a burning sensation on his skin. He quickly wiped it away and laughed to keep the tension off. “Woo fucking Jiho. Making your hyung cry is not a good thing.”

 

Jiho grinned, because all that pleasantness does not come easily spoken from the mouth of Woo Jiho. It was uncharacteristic, indeed. “Seriously, though, hyung” Jiho said shortly, but the small smile never disappearing from his face. “I hope you know that about yourself.”

 

Minhyuk stared at him, passively, for a minute. Not knowing how to react, Jiho stared back. Neither of them broke eye contact until the elder cleared his throat. “You wanna know why I know I love you?”

 

“Yes” Jiho answered quietly, lump forming in his throat.

 

“It came as a shock for me, honestly speaking” he continued, looking down at his fingers as if they’re the most interesting he has ever seen. “Yeah I admire you, as a person. A leader. At first I did everything to be kind to you, because that’s what Yukwon does, and I realized that what you love most about him is that his love does not come with a price tag. You don’t have to return it, and he’ll still care about you.” He turned his head to the right to meet Jiho’s eyes. “And honestly, what do I have to offer you?”

 

“Shh, hyung...”

 

“Let me finish, alright?” His eyes were downcast again. “In that regard you’re like Yukwon, you know. We haven’t been the best bunch of talents, and we keep burdening you, and oftentimes I wonder why you didn’t drop us like cold stone when the opportunity presented itself.”

 

“Why do you—”

 

“I know. I said, let me finish.” Minhyuk shifted his gaze to the wall. “I didn’t treat you well, these past months, because all I can think of was that no matter what I do, eventually you would leave me for a girl.” Jiho’s eyes went wide, again, but this time he bit his lower lip to keep himself from talking. “But... even through it all, you kept holding me like I was very precious.” He chuckled, looking at Jiho’s expression for two seconds and looking away in embarrassment just as fast. “It started purely from selfish reasons. You make me feel good about myself, and so I started clinging onto you just for that. Mighty Woo Jiho, surrounded by a sea of beautiful girls, decided to spare me a glance.” Jiho frowned at that, although Minhyuk could not see. The elder continued, “But it was a double-edged sword. It made you and me a temporary thing. And yeah, I’m selfish; I don’t want to get the shorter end of the stick. I know I’m happy when I’m with you, those moments I know you’re more mine than anyone else’s. I’m selfish, I’m really selfish it’s so ugly.”

 

There was a pause for about a minute, but Jiho waited. “See” Minhyuk said after a few moments of deliberation. “My reasons are less grand than yours.” He was finally looking at Jiho. “I want to make you happy, by my own hands, as much as you make me happy by your own. After all these years I was motivated to become more, I gained courage to become more, more than who I am right now, because I notice that you’re the happiest when I succeed.” He smiled until the dimple sank hard on his cheek, eyes narrowing into crescents. “I can list a hundred things I’ve grown to like about you, but that’s the cutest. You’re really so cute like that, so I decided to take a chance. I know that this confession pales in comparison to yours, but...” Minhyuk swallowed, “...will you try forever with me, then, Jiho? It will be really hard, and I can’t promise you I will always be strong. I never had been that strong. So you have to pull me along the way sometimes. But I can promise that when you feel weak, I’ll be strong, and I will be the one pulling. There is a lot to endure to keep us together. That on top of everything else we have to endure. Are you fine with that?”

 

Jiho smiled at him, and twisted his body in an angle that would let him plant a quick kiss on Minhyuk’s lips. “I could multiply that by a thousand right now, but Jaehyo-hyung said he sits in your car once in a while, and he’ll kill me if he comes in contact with our body fluids. So for now, does that answer your question?”

 

Being in love is nothing like being _in_ love. There is no falling, no rush, no thrill. In contrast to the violent seas of lust and passion, love is the deep and serene ocean that calms you down when your heart is troubled. It’s steady, vast, endless... interrupted by small masses of land, but always finds its way to get to the other side. It can only be achieved through hard work. As with the many aspects of life that involve love, it’s not instantaneous; romance, family, work or career... it is a gradual process of building, sometimes, rebuilding, but without effort from the people involved it cannot happen.

 

 

 

Love is... “[t]he will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.”

– M. Scott Peck.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last Chapter! Thank you for your patience, even if updates are slow and some parts are messy and unplanned. I just write what pops in my mind and end up confusing even myself. Anyway, I hope this was enjoyable, for a first-time writer. I'm just sorry it had to be very short. I'll make it up to you with a fifteenth chapter in the future, just to wrap it up.
> 
> I will be writing more chaptered fics in the future (because I suck at writing oneshots). I enjoin my fellow BBCs to do the same, because this is one way to keep the love alive (hehe). Seriously, I check this site every day and jump in joy when I see somebody writing Block B fics. I will write about other fandoms, yes, but Block B will always be my greatest Kpop love. 
> 
> P.S. I really wanted to put in smut here, ya know, to improve on my writing in that aspect. But it seems that sex is not a very important part of their love. I know I’m being cheesy, but right now putting a sex scene after all that, is just... out of place. Maybe the fifteenth chapter will make up for it, but that’s all the smut I’m going to write as of now. Hope it’s not too disappointing.


	15. Everything Nicer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Uhmmm... PG 21? Haha. No, seriously, you may have read far worse (or done far worse) but ah, well, this made me blush writing it so I would not appreciate minors reading it.

It’s been months since they’ve last touched each other, and Minhyuk was sure he was the only one between the two of them who feels its effects. Maybe it’s because before Minhyuk, Jiho was basically a saint.  

 

Or maybe he’s just watched too much porn in the past, and this is his divine punishment for contributing to an inhumane industry.

 

Whatever the reasons may be, Minhyuk is not about to dirty Jiho’s pure image anymore by shoving his hands down his pants like a common animal, so he decided to just dance everything off or practice his lines in the drama until he mouths them in his sleep. Or snap once in a while, he berates himself later, finding himself apologizing to almost everyone in the group for being a little too harsh, for Jihoon being noisy, Kyung being nosy, Taeil being lethargic, Jaehyo being slow, and Yukwon... well the boy is still perfect. Not that he will ever say that out loud, but he likes Yukwon the same way as Jiho likes Kyung, and if Minhyuk has to tolerate all the Zikyung then Jiho should also tolerate all the U-bomb, as their fans call them fondly.

 

At this point it’s not even about sex any more. Minhyuk finds himself craving for any kind of contact. But his and Jiho’s schedules don’t match most of the time; it’s as if they belong to different groups. Except when they work, they have nothing else in common.

 

“Hyung, I thought we’re way past this ‘hiding things from each other’ stage” Jiho had cornered him at last in the parking lot. He was fumbling for his keys somewhere stashed between his sweaty clothes in his sports bag when he felt somebody turn him around. Maybe he had seen this coming, so he wasn’t the least bit startled.

 

“Hyung, you’re not coming?” Jihoon was yelling over the van, to Jiho.

 

Taeil gave them one long look and pushed the maknae into the car, the other four eyeing them and following suit. Even the manager didn’t need a second look to know that something’s up, and so he waved and said, “Don’t forget you have work to do in the morning. Don’t come in too tired.”

 

It _is_ the morning, Minhyuk wanted to shout back. They’ve been given four hours to sleep, and Minhyuk has to drive back. He has no time to argue with Jiho, both mentally and physically fatigued at this point. He was about to say it but the dark circles around Jiho’s eyes restrained his tongue. “Let’s sleep first, then we’ll talk, alright?” he said instead, gently, thumb brushing over Jiho’s cheek.

 

The talk did not come until more than a hundred hours later, because they had to concentrate on work, and after that Jiho had to hole himself up in the recording studio or has a separate show and Minhyuk in the dance studio or in the SBS building, which were four places miles apart. By experience, it’s really hard to keep a relationship while being an idol, aside from the restrictions so as not to anger fans, there was basically no time to develop any meaningful amount of intimacy; hell they even don’t get to talk much less see each other for a stretch of a few weeks, and if they do it’s during practice, during shows, during interviews, during photoshoots— their lives revolving around work. Minhyuk thought it would be easier because they _are_ in the same group, woe to those who belong to different groups or different companies, whose only source of togetherness is after shows in the darkness of the lower ground floors and ten minutes of hushed release.

 

Minhyuk had thought of asking Jiho to move in with him, but Jiho is first and foremost a musician and the studio is nearer to the dorm than to his apartment. Secondly, he can’t be too selfish. He can’t just take Jiho away from the adoring eyes of Jihoon, or the resigned respect of Taeil, his best friend Kyung, or even Jaehyo (even if he’s second to Jiho in being away from the dorm in the wee hours of the morning, although for different reasons). He has to be the bigger person here, he can’t think with his dick like so many people do. At least he gets to see Jiho half of the time, gets to eat and laugh with him, and sometimes on rare occasions, sleep next to him. It’s more than what the other idols could get, as Park Kyung lamented at him jealously.

 

Minhyuk knows he should be grateful, that even if his relationship with Jiho is platonic and has gradually settled into band mate status, he knows that Jiho holds him dear. There was no celebration of their 100 days, no mention of monthly anniversaries, in fact no discussion that would cross an eavesdropper’s mind that they are together. But Jiho _had_ given him a silver ring on his birthday, not that he has the courage to wear it in public, though, but he looks at it fondly sitting on his dressing table every time he goes to sleep. Minhyuk is twenty-five and not some needy teenager, but he has to constantly remind himself that fact, and it irritates him. He settles with sitting next to Jiho when they’re resting, or making sure they’re by each other’s side when the group links hands and show their gratitude to the fans, or be the one to teach Jiho the choreography he’s missed when he can’t practice with them.

 

But every time he looks at Jiho he sighs.

 

And annoyingly, Jaehyo has noticed it.

 

“Talk to him, okay? I know it’s hard being apart for a long time but he loves you, he’ll do anything” the taller man had said to him one day while they were taking a break from dance practice, sitting by him on the floor. “Don’t just sit there staring at him and sighing, you look pathetic.”

 

“Yah, I’m still your hyung” Minhyuk attempted a little anger but failed miserably. He sighed one last time. “I’m sorry for being such a little child; I just didn’t think I’d be this affected.”

 

“Hey, it’s normal” Jaehyo reassured him, their roles reversed. “If I find the girl of my dreams and she neglects me I’d be affected, too.”

 

Minhyuk was about to say that he’s just a whiny princess, and they shouldn’t be compared, but he was too tired to banter and Jaehyo is being helpful, so he decides to lean his head into the pretty boy’s shoulder and say, “Thanks.”

 

This catches Jiho’s attention, and he had arched an eyebrow at Minhyuk. At first Minhyuk didn’t think anything about it, but when one time he laid his head on Jaehyo’s outstretched lap and Jiho’s gaze lasted a second too long, he smiled inwardly at himself. Now he makes sure to sleep on Jaehyo’s shoulder or link their arms, give him a back hug or tease Jaehyo by eating his food, and the stares increased in their duration and intensity. The last straw had been when Minhyuk sat on Jaehyo’s lap after practice and whined that he’s too tired and Jaehyo should carry him to his car. Jiho immediately stood where he was sitting and dragged Minhyuk down to the parking lot.

 

“Are you seriously provoking me?” Jiho yelled loudly.

 

Minhyuk looked around and saw a few people get in their cars. One glanced at their direction. Minhyuk sighed and walked over to where he had parked. It was only after he had driven to and parked in front of a McDonald’s branch that he spoke. “We confessed to each other in this car” he began, not knowing how to approach the problem and instead settling on the most unforgettable memory he has of his car.

 

“Yeah” Jiho nodded, running a hand over the leather seat thoughtfully, eyes following the traces his fingers were making.

 

“It’s been, what, seven, eight months?”

 

Jiho paused his hand and glanced up at Minhyuk. “Oh” he hummed. “Has it? Time flies fast.”

 

“And yet so much has changed” His voice was flat, but Jiho flashed him an alarmed look, remembering how Minhyuk’s confession had been laced with anxiety and self-deprecation.

 

“What are you saying?” The younger boy tried to keep his voice calm. He’s always calm, but not with matters involving Minhyuk. It was disturbing how he was always hyper-aware wherever the latter was concerned. He even got jealous of Jaehyo, for heaven’s sake. Is this how they break up? A grand confession that makes Jiho blush remembering the things he had said, things he would never say again, making him cringe inwardly sometimes whenever he gets inside Minhyuk’s car, only to be followed by seven or eight months of non-activity, just a mental awareness that they belong to one another, and then one of them gets tired and breaks it off? After all that hard work, is their relationship really bound to fail from the start?

 

Minhyuk was silent. He doesn’t know what he meant. Just... they were more famous now. Between music and acting and everything that happens post and pre-production, the dynamics within the group changed. It’s not only Jiho who’s busy now, everybody’s busy and he feels like they’re so far apart. Thursday night dinners have stopped. Jihoon and Kyung were often too tired to banter. Everything made Minhyuk wish for another MatchUp show just so that they could be forced to be together and have fun.

 

“After promotions” Jiho was saying, interrupting him from his thoughts. “After promotions, I swear I’ll make time for you. It’s just that... everything’s been so— please don’t break up with me.”

 

Minhyuk blinked. _Oh_. He scowled. “Why would I break up with you over this? What the hell do you think of me?”

 

Jiho’s eyes widened. “No I’m sorry. I—”

 

“No, no, no, don’t apologize” He was shaking his head, clearing his mind. He didn’t mean to snap, like he never meant to snap at any of them. “Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault. You’re not the only one with a full schedule. Just... I hate myself for feeling this way, but this is how I feel, and it’s obviously affecting me so...” He swallowed, feeling very small at what he’s about to say. “Maybe it’s because I’ve always been the center of attention in my family, as I’m an only child. Or maybe I’m just an inconsiderate asshole, and even though you’re almost dying from overworking yourself... but... can we do little things together? Not— not every day, maybe once a week... or twice a month, I don’t know. Like, jog together... or, go watch the sunrise by the Han River or... whatever, eat. Whatever. I don’t really care.”

 

Jiho’s mouth was parted slightly in surprise. He felt a wave of relief wash over his body, and he felt breathless with joy. “Hyung...” he whined, drawing the vowel out as if he’s on the verge of crying. His face didn’t know whether to smile or cry or both, which was impossible.  “Hyung of course, of course. Oh my God. Of course.”

 

So that’s how they find themselves jogging together and afterwards eating every Sunday morning, both not being able to make it to the second-kilometer mark due to the lack of sleep, because whatever free days they have in their calendars don’t match. And they won’t match for years to come, Minhyuk surmised, until perhaps their thirty and their fame would eventually wilt. He just hopes that seven years won’t make a difference to Jiho’s love towards him, because his sure wouldn’t. Just for now, at least, being able to do this is enough. Sometimes Minhyuk drops by the recording studio and brings food for everyone, and sometimes he finds energy drinks and muscle patches lying on the bench for him and Yukwon. Once he got a delivery of pizza for the whole cast and crew from a stranger named Ji-chan :), and he teased Jiho about it when they saw each other the following Sunday morning.

 

“So when we get to Brazil, I’ll make sure we’ll be given time to look around, like a half day” Jiho was saying while he chewed his food. He frowned when he saw Minhyuk’s half-eaten garden salad, which he now chose to toy around with a fork. “We may have to split, though, you know, so it won’t be easy to recognize us” Jiho continued, “I’ll go with you, Taeil-hyung can go with Jihoon. Or not, they may get lost together, so I think it’s better if Jihoon goes with... I don’t know. I can’t trust them on their own. Maybe we should just go straight back to Korea. I change my mind.”

 

Minhyuk laughed. “You can trust Jaehyo with Jihoon and Taeil-hyung, and Kyung can take care of Yukwon. This way it’s balanced. Sometimes you can be such a dad.”

 

“At least the boys have a mom like you” he chuckled and this earned him a kick on the shin.

 

“By the way, I’ve finished moving in to my new apartment” Minhyuk said after they were done eating. He wiped a napkin on his mouth and fished his wallet from the inside of his sweater and produced two silver keys held together by a thin key ring, and handed them to Jiho. “Here. Feel free to drop by.”

 

Jiho examined the metal, lost in his thoughts.

 

“Maybe it’s time you also invest in real estate, yeah? If you’ve been saving up to now, with all your royalties and such, you could buy a house just outside Seoul. Or start with a flat. You don’t have to move from the dorm but at least you’ll have something to show for all your work.”

 

“But I did buy a house for my parents.”

 

“With your brother” Minhyuk reminded him. “And that’s for your parents. What about for you?”

 

Jiho hummed, twirling the keys around his fingers. “Maybe I’ll just move in with you.”

 

“Brat. It’s nice to invest in something that doesn’t depreciate. If you wait for a few years more, the price—” Minhyuk paused, stared at him wide-eyed. “Wait. Wait. You want to move in with me or are you just joking?”

 

“That way there’s a higher possibility that we see each other, right?”

 

Minhyuk knew he should be happy, but... he can’t be irresponsible. “Of course I want you to move in with me. But you still need a place of your own, you know, just in case...”

 

“In case I change my mind about us? Unless we change?” Jiho continued for him. He frowned harder. “And here I was afraid that you’d leave me for pretty boy. Why are you the one who’s insecure?”

 

“Because my face has saline solutions?” Minhyuk scoffed.

 

Jiho glared at him. “Because I’m pretty?” he scoffed back.

 

“You _are_ pretty” Minhyuk glowered. “In more ways than one. And I’m not elaborating any of that in such a public space.” He stood up. “Come on, let’s go to my apartment. You have work to do in an hour, but it’s not going to take much time.”

 

Turns out the new apartment is even further from the studio, which made Jiho groan. He figured he could go learn how to drive, if ever he has the time, but if he does he’ll be too tired to drive anyway and may end up killing himself... or other people. But it was twice the size of Minhyuk’s first apartment, with a master bedroom, two smaller rooms, a small kitchen, a wide living room and a small closet room.

 

“This is not an apartment. This is a house. Are you going to get married and have kids?” Jiho chided in admiration, settling himself on the huge orange sofa. He was about to ask why it was so obnoxiously orange, but Minhyuk suddenly said, “How does Jiho-appa sound like?” and the words just died on Jiho’s tongue. Along with his self- control. The question made him blush furiously, his heart rate increasing in rapidity he felt his chest constrict, his stomach felt giddy and he’s both anxious and happy all at once that he thought his body had failed him.

 

Apparently Minhyuk only said it as an off-hand joke, because he laughed at Jiho’s expression and moved to the fridge to get him water and a green grime-looking beverage in a clear tumbler. “Courtesy of our favorite boy” he said and brought it to the glass table in front of the sofa.

 

Jiho grimaced. “Kyung is my favorite boy, and I’m sure he won’t go near one of those.”

 

Minhyuk glared at him. “You spent years pining after Yukwon, he should be your favorite. Now join your boyfriend in his misery and drink.”

 

“Did you bring me here to punish me? I can’t be throwing up, I’m meeting the Pop Time hyungs in about...” he glanced at the wall clock. “... forty minutes.” He sighed when Minhyuk poured him the grime-colored concoction and pressed the rim of the glass on his lips. “Why did hyung suddenly decide to make you these?”

 

“He’s _always_ fixing me one every week. Apparently I’m too thin and I need nutrients.”

 

Jiho took the glass, sniffed it, made a face, took on tentative sip, then another, then another, and then afterwards declaring, “He made it sweet this time.”

 

“Because he said I need to ingest sugar.” Minhyuk shrugged off his sweaty hoodie and swung it on the armrest of the sofa before settling in next to Jiho.

 

It was only now that Jiho had looked properly at Minhyuk’s body, most of the time he concentrated on his moves in the dance studio. He frowned at what he saw. “Minhyuk-appa...” he teased, poking at the elder’s side. “You _are_ too thin. You look like you lost five kilograms. It makes me sad, I haven’t been taking care of you.”

 

Minhyuk rolled his eyes, but his dimples betrayed a smile. “Please, you can’t even take care of yourself.”

 

Jiho frowned even harder. “But I will prove I’m worthy of you, _appa_.”

 

The older boy laughed. “Stop calling me that.”

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

 

Maybe it had been because he was too busy, but Jiho now only noticed that Minhyuk had suddenly turned vegetarian, or is seriously trying to be, he thinks, because they all went out for samgyeopsal and he was only nibbling at the lettuce. The bowl of rice remained uncovered in front of him, and Jiho scowled.

 

He prepared the beef, rice and chilli and wrapped them as nicely as his deft fingers allowed, and brought them to Minhyuk’s lips while the others looked on with slight amusement. The older boy stared at the wrap, then at Jiho. “I can feed myself, thanks.”

 

 _But you’re not doing it_ , he wanted to say, but the only way to handle a hyung is to play coy and not make it too obvious that you’re making them do things. “But I want to feed you~” Jiho answered back in a sing-song, lower lip jutting out further and further until Minhyuk took the whole thing in his mouth.

 

“Happy?” he said sarcastically but he was blushing ever so slightly at Jiho’s unexpected gesture.

 

Now that Jiho knows his aegyo is working, he decided to use it to convince his boyfriend to eat. And it worked for a few days before Minhyuk got tired of his aegyo and he slunk back to his pattern of liquid and vegetable diet. Jihoon’s birthday came and he wouldn’t touch a thing, merely sipping on a glass of water while the others devoured the meat and the barbeque place was in an uproar trying to supply food for around twenty people. So naturally Jiho cut up some pieces of pork and arranged them neatly on a plate with a toothpick. Then he went over to Minhyuk’s side and gave him a piece.

 

Minhyuk stared at him, before sighing. “I’m not hungry.”

 

“Five bites and I’ll get off your case. If you don’t I’ll make a scene” he threatened lightly.

 

The other fixed him a strange look, but he snatched the plate and kept on chewing with his gaze transfixed on his tormentor, albeit with a pained expression on his face. “Happy?” Minhyuk said and opened his mouth to show he had swallowed everything.

 

“Yeah” Jiho replied with a smile and stood up, excusing himself to the bathroom.

 

It wasn’t even thirty seconds after that Minhyuk received a text from him, _Help,_ and he panicked and dashed to where Jiho is without a word. To his chagrin, the other was waiting for him to enter the bathroom and when he did, had locked the door, pressed his fingers on his waist and started kissing him. And he was about to protest, but damn if he hadn’t missed this, and Jiho’s lips were always so soft and his tongue so intrusive and hot with the chilli paste stinging Minhyuk’s taste buds. So Minhyuk opened his mouth wider and tilted his head slightly to the left to accommodate a deeper kiss, wrapping a hand around the back of Jiho’s neck for closer contact.

 

But then Jiho moved his lower body closer and grinded against him, Minhyuk’s ass flattened against the door, the hardness of Jiho’s denim jeans rubbing on the soft cotton fiber of his pants and he couldn’t help but groan. “If you don’t... stop... ahhh...” whatever he was going to say kept getting cut off by the movement of Jiho’s hips against his own, and he was kissing him again, and now even his moans were swallowed by Jiho’s mouth as he panted and whined against him. He didn’t notice his fly getting undone until he felt a warm hand stroking up and down his length, and a louder moan escaped his lips. Thankfully Jiho was there to distract him with his mouth, because if not everybody would’ve heard him screaming, and that’s not really a good thing.

 

Minhyuk reached for Jiho’s jeans, but the other swatted his hands away. “Just you for now” he breathed against his mouth and flicked his wrist with a certain pressure that made Minhyuk whimper. He rested his head against Jiho’s  chest and bit on Jiho’s sweater to stifle the moans that were threatening to spill from his lips, especially when Jiho pressed his thumb on the slit of his cock. He shuddered. Then Jiho slathered the pre-cum on Minhyuk’s length to aid his stroking, and Minhyuk was sure that if they didn’t stop now he could’ve ripped Jiho’s sweater apart with how hard he was tugging on them. Jiho’s stroking was faster now, his grip harder, and Minhyuk struggled to warn him, “I’m come... I’m coming...” Jiho turned him fast against the wall and his cum sprayed the tiles white. Minhyuk was breathing hard, his throat was parched, and he moved Jiho’s hand away when the latter still continued his stroking. “Stop, it hurts” he managed to say, turning around and wrapping his arms around Jiho because his knees were still shaking and he really needed help to stand.

 

“What was that for?” he glared at Jiho when he could finally stand on his own. He grabbed some tissue from the dispenser and wiped himself clean, tugged his pants back on and turned around and inspected the wall he just dirtied. He frowned and began wiping the stain out.

 

The younger boy was still quiet, watching him clean up as he washed his hands on the sink.

 

When he was done Jiho pressed a soft kiss on his lips, smiled and walked away.

 

And Minhyuk never got his answer.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

The next time Jiho put his hands on him was in another restaurant, in a bathroom, the one they usually go to before and after dance practice because it was just located one floor above the studio and the only one open at two in the morning. Taeil decided to be a generous hyung and offered to treat them all, which is why suddenly almost nobody was too tired to eat, when five seconds before none of them had a thought about food. Maybe it was Jihoon’s doing, because he was jumping up and down excitedly and clinging on Taeil’s arm, to the latter’s annoyance.

 

“I’m heading straight home, I’m not in the mood to eat” Minhyuk announced and Jiho was quick to intervene.

 

“You’re coming and I will cry if you don’t.”

 

Minhyuk glared at him. “No you’re not.”

 

Jiho returned the glare. “Whatever. But I’ll seriously be sad.”

 

And after Minhyuk had finished a bowl of beef and rice and a few helpings of kimchi and water crest, Jiho was dragging him in the bathroom again, this time turning him around to face the mirror. Jiho pressed against his back and cupped a hand on Minhyuk’s crotch. “Really, Jiho, not... ahh... here” he protested weakly, but the image of his face coming apart from Jiho’s hands turned him on, and that was the last of his resistance. He leaned his head back against Jiho’s chest and watched himself in the mirror with half-lidded eyes.

 

“You look so hot like this, hyung” Jiho breathed against his ear and it made him shiver. “This is what I see when I fuck you.” The former began sucking at his neck lightly, kissing and licking as his hand pulled down on his sweatpants and underwear just low enough to release his straining cock, now hard and heavy on Jiho’s hand. Minhyuk gasped and closed his eyes. “Hyung, watch me break you. Open your eyes and look at yourself fall apart.” 

 

 _Shit, this brat_ , Minhyuk was about to say, but the words died on his lips as Jiho began to squeeze. Every stroke was making Minhyuk moan a guttural sound at the back of his throat, and the sight of his contorted face wasn’t really pretty, but Jiho was watching him with fire in his eyes and Minhyuk reached for the sink for balance, because fuck if that gaze wasn’t affecting him. Jiho’s other hand began snaking up his shirt, pulling it up to reveal a nipple, and he began tugging and flicking it with his pale fingers. The image of his nipple and his cock being played by Jiho’s hand was just too much, and Minhyuk was coming within seconds without so much as a warning to Jiho, Minhyuk unable to form proper sentences in his brain right now.

 

It ended like it had the last time, with Jiho giving him a quick kiss and a smile before running away.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

The sixth time it happened in a comfort room, Minhyuk was feeling more uneasy. He’d promised the team that there are places in the world he’d never touch Jiho in, but he found himself unwilling to keep that promise.

 

They’d been practicing in the dance studio, and with all the teasing from his dongsaengs about them missing his nightly snack delivery, way back when he was trying to please Jiho, he had no choice but to order food in. Kyung began accusing him of favouritism, and Jihoon complained that he was more adorable than Jiho-hyung, so why is he not his favorite dongsaeng?

 

“You’re all bullies” Minhyuk grumbled but he was dialling the pizza place nonetheless. “And you” he gestured to the smirking Jiho, “... why aren’t you defending me? You’re supposed to be on my side.”

 

“I’m on Jihoon’s side, he’s my favorite dongsaeng”

 

Minhyuk rolled his eyes. ”Please, he’s your _only_ dongsaeng.”

 

And an hour later Minhyuk finds his ass pressed against the sink, his pants and boxers bundled around his knees and Jiho’s mouth slobbering all over his dick. Once in a while he would pause to bite and suck on Minhyuk’s inner thigh, the only place where he could leave a mark, the only part of Minhyuk’s skin he could claim as his only, and if Minhyuk wore something that would reveal them he would seriously get angry. His mouth moved from the smooth inside of Minhyuk’s thigh to swallow one of his balls, and the former gasped at his aggressiveness. Jiho’s hand never left his cock, though, and not a second does he let Minhyuk rest to catch his breath. Jiho’s tongue glided over his length and he opened his mouth to swallow him whole. The younger gagged at first, but he took all he can get, sucking and wrapping his tongue tight around Minhyuk’s cock as he moved seemingly without rhythm, taking the length in sometimes fast and sometimes slow.

 

Jiho released him to catch his breath, looking up at Minhyuk with pupils blown, mouth swollen and eyes teary, and it made Minhyuk curse. “Fuck. Jiho, later you’re taking me home and you’re going to fuck me. Don’t you dare say no.”

 

And that’s how they ended up in Minhyuk’s newly-laundered sheets, but this time with roles reversed because Jiho said he was too tired to do all the work, and Minhyuk was just too horny. He stopped, though, even when Jiho had himself positioned on the bed, jacket off and revealing his milky arms in that low-cut tank top that exposed his tattoos, legs spread wide and waiting for Minhyuk to slot himself between them.

 

This moment, was a moment of great significance.

 

“What’s wrong?” Jiho asked when he sensed the other’s hesitance.

 

Minhyuk stood still in front of him, knees knocking on the foot of the bed. “You do realize... this is the first time we’re going all the way again? After all... those moments...?”

 

Jiho didn’t need him to spell out what _those moments_ were. He was well aware. But his eyes were soft when they looked up to meet Minhyuk’s. “Then make it up to me, hyung. Treat me gently and hold me after it’s done. That’s all I wanted, right?”

 

So Minhyuk took him slowly this time, because it had been months since they’ve last had sex and it so may as well have been Jiho’s first time. Jiho’s mouth tasted of pepperoni and something strangely sweet, or it may have been his imagination because he thinks everything about Jiho is sweet. Minhyuk sucked and bit aggressively on his lower lip, afterwards soothing it with his tongue, and they kissed like that until Jiho told him to hurry up. Of all the wonder in Jiho’s body, Minhyuk thinks he likes his lips the most, even though he did have a complex about it.

 

“Come on, we’ve played around for too long” Jiho was grumbling, snapping Minhyuk from his thoughts.

 

He chuckled. “Alright.” Alright, was what he said, but he was going slow, this time tracing his tongue over the ink of Jiho’s tattoos, following the pattern of the words with his lips and tongue, careful not to leave a mark but sucking hard enough to make Jiho moan. He had wanted to do this ever since, but back then he didn’t think he had the right to, because he was there to fuck him and nothing else.

 

“You’re mine, right, Ji-chan?” he suddenly said, surprising even himself.

 

Jiho frowned at the nickname, but answered him anyway. “You’re an idiot, hyung. Don’t ask that, just say it.”

 

Minhyuk smiled. “You’re mine, Ji-chan.”

 

“Yeah” Jiho replied, returning the smile. “I’m yours.”

 

And Minhyuk’s mouth moved further down south, this time discarding Jiho’s jeans with a scowl. “I thought I said you’re not allowed to wear any of these anymore.”

 

The younger boy laughed. “I don’t know, it’s nice to see you struggle with them. It’s hot.”

 

“Sadist” Minhyuk accused him, but returning the favour and sucking Jiho’s cock down aggressively, making him yelp. And Jiho had always been big, but Minhyuk was too familiar with what he wants that he didn’t have to swallow him whole to get him crazy. He knew that if he grazed his teeth lightly on the spot just below the tip of Jiho’s cock he would scream with pleasure. He knew that if he squeezes Jiho’s inner thighs while he sucks him off he would shiver and clutch at the sheets. He knows that if he licks that spot between Jiho’s cock and his asshole Jiho would tell him to, “... stop, dammit, leave space for the fun, I don’t want to come too fast.”

 

So apparently the fun was having three fingers up inside him, because he kept telling Minhyuk to “... put another in, hurry up, asshole, don’t stop, don’t stop” to the elder’s surprise (Because, uninhibited, is Jiho really a firework of cuss words and mean commands when he’s horny?); don’t get him wrong, it was a turn on but it really _is_ a surprise. And all of Minhyuk’s plans to go slow were all obstructed by Jiho’s demands.

 

“I don’t want to hurt you. At least let’s slow down a bit so you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable” he tried to reason with the younger boy.

 

“Of course it feels uncomfortable. It always will. But I know what comes next, and I want to get to that part fast.”

 

“Ji-chan, that’s not how it works. The preparation makes it worth it.”

 

So Jiho did not say anything until the second finger was in, and Minhyuk drove his fingers deeper and wiggled them around. Jiho shifted. “Try to relax, okay?” He nodded and Minhyuk tried to remember where... ahhh, he felt them on his fingertips and curled his fingers around.

 

“Fuck!” Jiho yelled, his back arching. “Fuck, I forgot how good that feels. Touch it again.” Minhyuk complied, now adding the third finger and stretching Jiho open before going for the kill. “Dear... fuck, one more, one more” and Minhyuk really, really wanted to take a photo of him.

 

“Now get in, forget the fucking condom, unless you’ve been fucking another person then I’ll really fucking kill you.”

 

Instead of being offended Minhyuk found it funny and laughed. “Not for three years now, you’re the only one” Minhyuk informed him and Jiho stopped being mean.

 

“I really love you, you know” Jiho was suddenly saying.

 

Minhyuk brushed the sweaty bangs off his forehead. “Yeah, I know.”

 

And so he eased himself inside, and Jiho was so hot Minhyuk didn’t pause until he was sucked in. He studied Jiho’s face, the lips slightly parted and the eyes slightly open, fingers curled on the pillow beneath his head, white unblemished skin covered with a thin sheen of sweat, breathing heavily. It was such a sight that Minhyuk came close to asking if he could take a photo of him, but he knew it would earn him a smack on the head.

 

“What the fuck are you zoning out for?” came an irritated voice.

 

“Nothing. You’re just so beautiful.”

 

“What the fuck, hyung.” But the irritation was gone and Jiho was smirking. Then he dropped the smirk and brushed his fingertips on Minhyuk’s forearms, voice low and raspy as he whispered, “Then show me how beautiful I am... hyung.”

 

With a soft groan Minhyuk pulled Jiho’s hips up, and started pumping in and out, burying himself as deep as he can, slowly at first, focusing on getting as close to this mouthy bastard who knows how to use his vocabulary to turn him on. The sensation was very different from before, perhaps because there’s nothing separating them now, or perhaps because he knew that he wouldn’t lose Jiho’s warmth even if he pulls out, even when it’s over, and Jiho was hot, so hot, and soft as his thighs bounced with every assault of Minhyuk’s hips. He relished on the throaty moans that escape Jiho’s lips, but it was still quiet, so when the letter ordered him to go faster he obliged and changed his pace.

 

With the change of pace came a slight shift in position, Minhyuk remembering where his fingers had been, and Jiho became more vocal. He bent down and lifted Jiho’s hips higher up so he could kiss him, cursing slightly at their height difference that makes it difficult, but Jiho was wrapping his arms around his neck and responding to his kiss as best as he could with the force of Minhyuk’s thrusts  springing him up and down the mattress. Minhyuk broke the kiss when it was becoming hard for him to maintain his rhythm, putting a hand on Jiho’s head to prevent it from hitting the headboard, and proceeded to fuck him in that position, Jiho’s whimpers caressing his ear, nails digging at his back and his neck, thighs spread wide with his knees almost to his chest.

 

“Faster, I’m coming” Jiho demanded, and Minhyuk stood up in an effort to go faster, as he was ordered, as if it was possible. He took Jiho’s dick in one hand and began pumping it loosely, and in a matter of seconds his stomach was being painted white with his cum. Minhyuk thrust into him very slowly, as he shivered with every move. He allowed Jiho to breathe, chest heaving and hands attempting to wipe the sweat of his forehead. Some of it were Minhyuk’s own, because Commander Jiho turned this into a workout for him.

 

Then suddenly Jiho was pushing him down. “Your turn” he said and positioned himself so he could ride him.

 

“You said you’re tired” Minhyuk again tried to reason with him, but Jiho was having none of that.

 

“And so are you, hyung.”

 

But Jiho did not have to work too long, because after a minute Minhyuk was pushing him off. “I’m close, fuck, get off me.”

 

Jiho grinned. “No way.”

 

“Woo Jiho, if you’re not I’m gonna—”

 

“Then do.” The grin shifted into a seductive smirk. “Come inside me, hyung.” And Jiho did not even have to move, because the sentence had such strong psychological impact on Minhyuk and he came instantly, almost blacking out in its intensity because it had been too long and well, Jiho had been such a tease.

 

Still. Still such a tease, because Minhyuk is half-dead and he just came ten seconds ago and Jiho was smiling mischievously and moving up and down again.

 

“Stop, my God, stop!” Minhyuk had to beg him, and he heard Jiho’s laughter in the background. “Get off me you heartless beast.”

 

Jiho was still laughing when he did, and settled himself beside Minhyuk, who was still breathing heavily, not even having enough energy to keep his eyes open.

 

“Don’t sleep yet, hyung, you got me dirty so you have to clean me up.”

 

Minhyuk cracked an eye open and turned slightly to face him. “Well, who insisted on not wearing a condom? And who wouldn’t get off when I said to?”

 

“You don’t have to do everything I say” was his reply and Minhyuk had to hit him on the arm.

 

“Slap me during sex, not after” was Jiho’s comeback and Minhyuk whakced him harder this time.

 

“You’re a bad person, I should punish you.”

 

“Uh-huh... tie me up and ravage me, hyung” Jiho quipped again with a barely-contained grin, and Minhyuk groaned in resignation.

 

“I gained three kilograms in two weeks, Jiho. I hope that’s enough.”

 

“Enough? What do you mean?”

 

“Oh shut up. Like I don’t know what you were doing. I’m not dumb. We all had psychology classes in high school; I know when I’m being conditioned.”

 

“Oh...” Jiho laughed brokenly. “Uhh... I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.”

 

Minhyuk rolled on his side to face Jiho fully. “I love you. I won’t die prematurely and leave you alone in this world, okay? I’ll eat meat thrice a week and drink everything Yukwon gives me, I promise. So next time you give me a handjob or a blowjob, or have sex with me, do it because I’m sexy. Not out of obligation, not when you’re tired or when you have a problem and you want a distraction. In return I’ll watch my health. And that goes the same for you. I’ll die of a heart attack if I hear you suddenly dropped dead on the floor because you haven’t slept for seventy-two hours or destroyed your liver because of too much red bull or monster or whatever the fuck it is you drink to keep you awake. Is that a deal?”

 

The younger boy grinned at him. “Okay” he said and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

 

Minhyuk drew them closer together, skating a leg between Jiho’s thighs and an arm around his waist, their foreheads touching. “This is going to be tough for us, Jiho. I know you’re optimistic and you may think I’m saying this because I doubt your love again but it’s not that.” He inched his face farther from Jiho so he could look at him properly. “Don’t do things for me that will hurt you. Even if you love me. Even if you feel like you could do anything for me, if it would cause you a lot of pain just stop. I mean it when I said I’d rather never have you, than have you suffer. I’m saying this because I’m not the world, Jiho. You’re young and if you lose me, there’ll be someone else who’ll love you, maybe much more than me. I want you to become Korea’s number one rapper, and I’ll help you in any way I can, but if I see that my being with you is hurting you, I’ll back off, and you have to promise me that you’ll let go.”

 

Jiho stared at him for some minutes, or for Minhyuk, _an eternity_ , before speaking. His grip on Minhyuk’s leg was tight, and definitely tomorrow it will bruise, but Jiho was suddenly running his fingers over it gently. “Alright. I may not understand where you’re coming from, but clearly you love me, so I’ll promise you that. If it will make you sad that you ruined my career, I will let you go, but only because I don’t want to make you sad. But promise me also this.” Minhyuk perked up. “That if I become Korea’s number one rapper, whatever that entails, you’ll let me kiss you on national television and announce to the whole country of Korea that we’re together. Even if your parents will disown you because you’re an only child and they want grandchildren, or your friends will hate you because they’ll think you want to rape them.”

 

Minhyuk laughed. Jiho could be so childish. “I promise. It’s not like I can marry a girl and make her miserable for the rest of her life. As for my friends, well, those who’ll remain are the ones worth keeping, right?”

 

“You’ll have to make a name for yourself by then, too, hyung. Imagine being unemployed at the age of thirty. That’d be so boring.”

 

Minhyuk snorted. “Are you saying you’ll be Korea’s number one rapper in five years? You arrogant bastard.”

 

Jiho laughed. “And producer. Fine, I’ll give myself ten years. I can’t have the love of my life think I’m an arrogant bastard.”

 

“And don’t underestimate me, you fool. I’m the one with the nice flat which I’ll own in five years. I won’t be smooching off you, either. I have money going around the market. Or if that crashes and burns maybe I’ll make use of my other assets, like I’ve been told many times by a reliable source that I’m sexy. Now that I believe it.”

 

“Don’t be stupid, hyung. If you crash and burn financially I’ll take care of you. Because you’ll do the same for me, and if that happens I’ll have no shame. I’ll ask you money for ice cream, and kill you if you say no.”

 

It was Minhyuk’s turn to laugh. “Fine. I love you, I won’t say no.”

 

Jiho smiled, but there was a tint of mischief in that smile. “You love me?”

 

“Mm-hmm.”

 

He reached for Minhyuk’s lower lip. “Show me how much.”

 

Minhyuk burst. “Oh my God, you still have cum in your ass. And that was the hardest I’ve been, I bet your hips are sore”

 

The younger boy laughed again. “Yeah, I can’t feel my lower body. I think I pulled something.”

 

“See?” Minhyuk remarked, leaving the bed and standing straight to help Jiho into the bathroom. “And you still have the audacity to suggest a second round. You’re really an arrogant bastard. Come on, I’ll help you get cleaned up.”

 

“Are we going to have sex in the bathroom?”

 

“No. You’re clearly sleepy, you’re behaving like a child.”

 

“Children won’t ask for sex.”

 

“I know!” replied a flustered Minhyuk, turning red and not knowing what to say anymore. “One more word about sex and I’ll make sure you have none for two months.”

 

“Relax, hyung, I’m just playing with you” he said with amusement.

 

“Don’t. You say the most dirty things. The dirty jokes I hope will be restrained in the presence of others. Jihoon thinks he knows many things but he actually doesn’t.” He held out his hand to Jiho. “Now up. Come on, you can’t sleep without taking a shower.”

 

Jiho grumbled but forced himself off the bed, stumbling when he tried to stand because damn, his lower back hurts from all that bending. He’s definitely getting back at Minhyuk for all that acrobatic stunt he made him do.

 

“Hyung...” he began, as Minhyuk supported him with both arms.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I’m happy.”

 

Minhyuk stopped from his tracks, gaze fixed on Jiho’s face. He didn’t notice it, but he was smiling widely, feeling breathless from the confession. “I... I’m glad you are, Jiho. That’s all I want.”

 

“You know what would make me happier?”

 

He looked up at him expectantly. “Tell me.”

 

“If I wake up tomorrow beside you.”

 

Minhyuk moved lithely in front of him, hands circled on Jiho’s waist. “I’ll be there, Jiho. I’ll be there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that’s it, folks! Thank you for reading my first fic! This is the last chapter I’m ever going to write for this storyline; I hope it improved over time. Let’s all pray for Block B’s success (and for all our ships to sail) and continue giving them our love. Anyway, if you want another pairing and you would like me to write it, you can tell me. See you around!

**Author's Note:**

> I crave for Block B fics. So when I read everything I could get my hands on I suffered from a spell of Block B withdrawal. To deal with that I decided to write. Hence, this is my first fic. I think I posted the first chapter somewhere else before, but my memory fails me. Please let me know your thoughts :)


End file.
